My Perception and Your Reality
by MsViolet85
Summary: AU - Alex has lived with her foster parent, Desi, for 5 years. For a while she really believed he loved her, until something snapped inside him, he became cruel. Alex is trying to work out how to deal with her messy life when a new foster kid is sent to live with them, Piper Chapman. Piper's own life has fallen apart, with the 2 girls slowly learning how to help each other.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

It's damp and cold in the basement but I don't care, at least I've got some privacy down here. I'm sitting in the corner with my legs bent so I can lean my sketch book against my knees. Desi is _not_ in a good mood tonight, my only aim is to stay as far away from him as possible. I've been hiding out in the basement for an hour, I could get away with spending another hour here without him noticing. I don't think he realises this isn't even a punishment for me anymore, it's a relief. At least when I'm down here I can be alone, I don't need to worry about what anyone is thinking or feeling, I can just exist.

I close my eyes and remember back to when I'd first been sent to live with Desi, I was 10 years old. In the beginning he was actually kinda sweet, sometimes I could almost forget I was in foster care. By the time I turned 14 I looked at him as a dad, I'd grown to love him, and I thought he loved me. Why would he have kept me for so many years if he didn't love me?

But something had changed in him over the last year, he wasn't the same man anymore. He'd become so harsh, so completely empty, but I would never admit how much that change had hurt me. I'd tried a few times to talk to him about it, but it never ended well, so I just stopped asking. I thought maybe it had something to do with his job at the men's prison, it had to be pretty stressful, but he never said anything. So I learnt how to avoid him, it didn't always work, but it served me well most days.

'Alex!'

I shudder as soon as I hear his voice, I'm not ready to deal with his moods yet. I would gladly sit in the basement all night and draw, maybe write.

I walk back up the stairs and into the main house, clutching the sketch book against my chest, lately it's the only thing that makes me feel sort of okay. I walk through the house until I find him sitting at the kitchen table. He looks agitated, but still in control.

I'm constantly told how tall I am for a 15 year old kid, but I've nothing on Desi, he's a beast of a man. He still towers over me, he probably always will, and lately he always looks angry. Sometimes I still tell myself that he loves me, that he's just going through a rough patch.

 _Yeah right, a 12 month rough patch..._

I watch him sitting at the table, staring at me. He'd stopped shaving a while ago and had grown a wild beard, it made him look even more intimidating.

"What are you doing?"

I keep my voice low, but force myself to look him in the eye, "Drawing."

"When will you get it through your thick head that drawing isn't going to get you anywhere?"

 _Don't let him push you around, stand up for yourself!_

"You used to like my drawings."

He pushes his chair back and stands up straight with his shoulders out, "When you were a kid Alex, it's time to grow up now. Or do you want to end up like your mother?"

Well, that was a low blow. I know my mother has never been perfect, I know she's the whole reason I ended up in foster care, but I still can't stop myself from loving her.

"Answer me, do you want to end up like your mother?"

Desi keeps his voice low, but it's still laced with anger.

I don't bother responding, and turn around to go hide in my bedroom upstairs. It's an old creaky house but it's still better than anything I've lived in before. These days it just feels lonelier, maybe a bit darker, dustier.

I'm not surprised when I feel his hand grip hard on my shoulder once I reach the bottom of the stairs. I know exactly what's coming.

 _Fuck, just get it over with, I don't even care anymore._

Desi forces me to turn around and puts his hands on my shoulders, always trying to intimidate, always trying to control.

I look up into his eyes and part of me wants him to lash out, I want him to hit me, "What?" I don't have the energy for anger, but I hate how defeated I sound.

"I asked you a question Alex," he's daring me to push him over the edge.

I exhale slowly. I know what I should probably do right now, but hey, that's never been my style. I mean, fuck, just look at my parents. Neither of them could pull it together enough to keep me. But like I said, I miss my mother every day, even if she fucked up. Diane is still my mother, and I still have good memories of her, I will never let Desi destroy that.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I want."

He grabs my arm and squeezes hard as he pulls me back towards the basement, which is almost a relief. He opens the door and pushes me inside, making me drop the sketch book down the stairs. He slams the door behind me, and I hear a key turn.

 _Another night in the fucking basement, great._

I'm more than familiar with this particular punishment, being locked down here overnight. Even though sometimes I want him to, Desi isn't the type of person to just lash out uncontrollably, he always has a plan, always thinks he's teaching me a lesson. Or maybe treating me like shit makes him feel better, who knows.

I try to shake the whole thing off and slowly drag my feet towards the dark corner where I was sitting not even ten minutes before. It's too dark to keep sketching, so I grab the blanket I hid behind a stack of old bricks a few months back and try to get comfortable on the floor. A small part of me still wishes Diane would come knocking on the door one day, wanting me back, all of that good stuff. I never let her mind linger on that dream for too long. The most likely reality was that I'd be stuck with Desi until I turned 18, then I'll run away, fade into the background. That was it, nothing is planned beyond that. Just get away from Desi, then life would have to get better.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

Everything about my family looks so perfect from the outside. We're wealthy, live in a good neighbourhood, me and my brothers go to private school. The facade is too perfect, especially when compared to the reality.

I turned 16 less than a month ago, now I'm sitting with an officer from the Department of Human Services, holding a tissue against the cut on my cheek. The darker part of my personality is glad the facade has been shattered, no more pretending, no more fake smiles, being able to show my sadness freely will be a relief. But I'm also scared, for the first time ever I've got nowhere to go.

The officer finally gets off the phone and gives me a pity smile, I suppose I should get used to it.

"Piper, you know I can't let you go home after what happened."

I keep my eyes focused on the floor, "I know."

"I've been able to get you a place to stay with one of our long term carers, I can drop you off there now."

I know she's trying her hardest, that I should be really fucking grateful that she's found me a place to stay at the absolute last minute, but I'm not sure I care.

"There's another girl that lives there, I'm sure you can borrow some clothes from her for tonight."

I stand up slowly and drag my body out of the office and into the cold, preparing myself to spend my first night in a stranger's home.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I've almost convinced myself I'm comfortable lying on the concrete floor when I hear the door open, and Desi's voice booming through the basement.

"Get up here!"

I groan, not wanting to move. Even if I really am cold and uncomfortable, I don't care, I ignore him.

It's not long before I hear heavy footsteps coming down the basement stairs and towards me, then I feel a boot in my side trying to force me to get up.

Even when he's was pissed off, his deep voice stays in control.

"Get the fuck up, and get into your room."

But I can't resist pushing him further, and keep ignoring him. It's one of the only things I still have control of, and I'm not ready to let that go.

He eventually leans down and pulls me up by one arm, shoving me towards the basement stairs. I manage to keep my balance and walk up into the main house.

Desi never lets me out of the basement once he's decided I deserve to spend the night down there, but I can't be bothered talking to him about it. I go to my bedroom and close the door, still clutching onto my sketchbook.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I sit quietly in the back seat of the officer's car, whose name I learn is Irene. It takes me a moment to realise the car has stopped, that I've reached my temporary home.

I follow Irene towards the house, which manages to feel sad and overwhelming at the same time. It isn't much longer before the front door opens and I see a ridiculously huge man smiling at Irene. His red checkered shirt and jeans have a warmth about them, but I'm still trying to take in his sheer size and bushy beard. I can't process anything as Irene leads me into the house and does the formal introductions.

"Piper, this is Desi. He's been working with us for a long time."

I give him my best fake smile, which is harder than usual with the stinging pain in my cheek.

"Hi Piper, you've got a room here as long as you need."

I thank him and keep up the fake smile as I hear Irene's voice again.

"Desi's actually got another girl living here that's about your age. Where is Alex?"

"Alex has been with me for a long time, she's a good kid underneath all that attitude. She's in her room, but I highly doubt she's asleep yet."

I'm almost surprised when I hear my own voice cutting through the cold air, "How long has she lived with you?"

Desi starts scratching his beard while he adds up the years, "Hmmm, it's been about five years, it's hard to keep track."

His voice is deep, almost gravelly. He doesn't seem unkind on first impression, but I have grown to have a natural mistrust for most people.

"You can stay in Alex's room tonight, I'll get the spare room ready for you tomorrow so you've got your own space."

"Thanks," I'm suddenly very nervous at the idea of sharing a room with a stranger, but it's better than the alternative.

I feel Irene put a hand on my shoulder, "Why don't we take you upstairs and get you settled in."

I nod and follow the two adults up the old creaky stairs. Desi knocks on the first door at the top of the stairs, "Alex, can you open up?"

All I hear is a muffled and angry sounding voice float into the hallway, "Fuck off!"

Desi takes a deep breath and turns to Irene with an apologetic smile, "Sorry, you know what she can be like."

He doesn't ask for permission this time and opens the bedroom door, revealing a young girl sitting on a single bed, legs crossed, a completely blank look on her face.

"Alex, this is Piper, she'll be staying with us for a while."

I felt the anxiety stabbing me in the chest until I lock eyes with the other girl, Alex. She doesn't look angry, just tired, her voice sounding just as exhausted as she looks.

"Hi Piper."

"Hi."

Irene looks to Alex, they obviously know each other.

"How's it going Alex?"

"Fine," Alex deadpans.

Desi steps into the room, inviting me to follow him, "Piper will bunk with you tonight Alex, we'll get her settled into her own room tomorrow."

His tone is normal enough, but I can't help but notice the way he stares at Alex, who nods but stays silent.

I sit down on the only other bed in the room as Irene and Desi turn to leave.

"Me and Desi need to talk through a few details, but I'll call you tomorrow, okay Piper?"

"Thanks Irene."

I manage to force out one more smile before the bedroom door closes, and I realise I'm alone with the other girl. I take the opportunity to look at her properly as she stands up next to her bed. She's tall, thin, and pale, with long dark hair that seems to go everywhere. A pair of black glasses frame her face, against a black tank top and grey sweat pants.

"What happened to your face?"

"Huh?"

"Your cheek, you okay?"

It takes my mind a moment to catch up and realise what Alex is talking about. I move my fingers to the cut on my face that had finally stopped bleeding, forcing myself to remember how it got there.

"Oh, yeah..."

"It's okay, you don't need to say anything."

It's weird, we spend a few moments just looking at each other, before I work up the courage to speak again.

"So you've lived here for a while?"

Alex's expression drops as soon as I ask that question.

"Yeah, since I was 10, I'm 15 now. How old are you?"

"16, something tells me I might be staying here for a while. What's Desi like?"

Alex shrugs, I feel like she's holding back, but I figure I've got no right to press her for information.

"It's better than being homeless."

We sit in silence again for a few moments, with Alex breaking the silence this time.

"You wanna borrow something to sleep in?"

I look down at my jeans and shirt, and obvious lack of any luggage, "Yeah, if you don't mind?"

Alex finally cracks a smile and walks towards the small chest of drawers in the corner of the room, and for the first time all day I let myself start to relax. I grab the grey t-shirt and shorts from Alex, who walks back to her bed and turns around to give me some privacy.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I feel sorry for the girl standing across from me. I know what it's like to have your life turned upside down and end up in the system. Whatever happened for Piper to end up here, it wasn't good. I can see the hesitation in all of Piper's movements, all I want to do is put her at ease. I turn around and face the wall until Piper lets me know she's done changing.

I go back to sitting on my bed, just looking at the other girl, waiting for her to say something.

"I'm so tired, but I don't think I can sleep."

Now that's a problem I can definitely identify with, "Do you read much? I've got a few books, nothing fancy but it helps me relax when I'm trying to sleep."

I get this unfamiliar feeling inside, excitement? Whatever it is, I don't even wait for her to answer before grabbing a book from my small bedside table and handing it to my new room mate.

"Mrs Dalloway?"

We both laugh, "Trust me, it's worth it."

"I'll take your word for it," Piper gives me one last smile before getting under the covers and opening the book.

 **A/N**

 **Hey folks, welcome to my new story! I feel there's quite a lot I want to say in this one, so should be an interesting ride. As usual for me, this is totally AU, and this version of Diane will be very different from what we usually see. I'm also really looking forward to getting into Desi's character. Future chapters will most likely be longer, given the content I have in mind. I'm super curious to hear your feedback, so as always please review.**

 **Cheers.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**

 **Thanks for all the support on the new story guys. This is an idea that's been rolling around my head for a while. Even though he treated the ladies like crap, I really like Piscatella as a character, he will be a central part to this story.**

 **Cheers.**

 **Chapter 2**

 _7 years ago_

I wake up but it's still dark, I have no idea what time it is, except that it's very early Friday morning. I should be happy that it's nearly the weekend, but it makes me nervous instead. The weekend means I have nowhere to escape to, it means I'll be all alone. I haven't seen mum in two days, I miss her, I always miss her. My dad has been at home, but he might as well have been somewhere else, all he ever does is sleep.

I'm not tired anymore, so I decide to check if mum has come home. Before I even open my bedroom door, all I can smell is stale smoke. Our apartment always smells like this, the smoke occasionally mixing with a hint of whiskey that's been spilt all over the carpet in the lounge room.

The apartment is small, but at least it's ours. Dad is always telling me I should be grateful for what I have, and maybe I should be, I don't know. He's never treated me like a daughter, it's almost like we're acquaintances. He puts up with me so he can have my mum, I'm pretty sure he doesn't love me. But mum, I know how much she loves me, sometimes I feel like her love is all I have.

I walk into the lounge room and see her lying on the dirty two seater couch. The curtains are drawn shut behind her, I can practically see the smoke lingering in the air above her.

I think her dress is meant to be white but I can see the mud, or maybe it's dried blood, I'm not sure.

 _It doesn't matter! The important thing is that she's home. She loves me and she's home, she'll protect me, she loves me._

I keep walking until I'm standing next to her lying figure, I place a hand on her shoulder.

"Mum, are you awake?"

But she never answers.

"Mummy, where were you? I missed you..."

I keep nudging her as I talk but still, she doesn't move. I look a little closer to make sure she's still breathing, I'm so scared of her dying in her sleep.

I just want to be near her, just for a little while, and I want to make sure she's okay. I get ready to lie on the floor next to the couch when I see a needle next to her drivers license. I've seen them around the apartment before. I know that whatever is in the needle is putting her to sleep.

I used to hardly ever see needles around the apartment, but I keep seeing more and more of them.

I push the needle under the couch and look at her license, _Diane Vause._ This picture doesn't even look like her anymore, she always looks so tired now. I lie down on the floor, looking up at the ceiling. I move my head so I can get a better view of her on the couch, she's still breathing.

I slowly close my eyes, but I can't stop worrying about whether she'll still be breathing when I wake up.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

 _Present day_

I'm surprised by how well I actually slept, or maybe sheer exhaustion won out in the end. My cheek feels better, but I still can't forget about it, I still know it's there.

I stretch out my arms and look at my watch, it's just after 7am. There's enough sunlight creeping into the room to let me see Alex still asleep in her bed. Her glasses must have fallen on the floor during the night, along with the book she was reading. She's lying on her stomach with one arm dangling over the edge of the bed.

I want to wake her up, but stop myself. I really just want someone to talk to. I've spent so long living in silence, I'm ready to hear the sound of my own voice again.

I pick up the book Alex gave me last night and keep reading. After all, it is the summer holidays, it's not like I need to be anywhere. I keep looking across at Alex, but she's still sleeping. She doesn't even move her arm, it stays dangling over the side of the bed.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

Like most mornings, I'm woken up by Desi knocking on the door. Except this time it's not just me he's trying to wake up, it's Piper too. It takes me a moment to remember that she's actually in the room with me, that I'm not alone in here.

"Girls, time to get up!"

I hear his footsteps walking back down the stairs, probably towards the kitchen. It's almost 9 am, he's such a fucking morning person, I can't stand it. I reach towards the floor and grab my glasses. I see Piper sitting on the other bed, but she's changed back into the same clothes she was wearing last night.

She throws me a smile, obviously an early riser, "Morning."

I offer her a groan and throw back the blankets.

"Not much of a morning person?"

"Hhmm, not really."

"Does he always wake you up in the morning?"

"Yeah, but in his defense I probably wouldn't get up at all if he didn't."

She laughs, it's kinda nice. I get myself out of bed and pick out jeans and a t shirt from the drawers. We do the same awkward dance as last night, except this time Piper turns around so I can get changed.

In another 30 minutes we're helping Desi clean out the spare room for Piper, I guess she'll be staying here for a while.

The room was mostly filled with old books, some photo albums, and random boxes filled with his old stuff. I never paid much attention to it before, but he had a lot of shit in this room. Piper and I pick up some boxes to take down to the basement. We pile everything into a corner and she notices the old blanket and books I'd left out from the night before.

"Surely that can't be comfortable?"

Of course it's not comfortable, but it sure as hell beats dealing with his bulshit, "It's actually not too bad, I like to read down here sometimes."

Piper gives me a weird look that quickly turns into a smile, "Thanks for the book last night, reading always helps me sleep."

"Me too," I spend a few moments looking at her before I lead us back upstairs.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

It doesn't take much longer to clear the room, _my room_ , it feels so weird to say that.

Desi is standing in the middle of the now clear room, with a freshly made bed and a chest of drawers in the corner, "Good work girls, the room is officially yours now, Piper."

"Thanks Desi, you really didn't need to go to this much trouble."

He walks over and puts a hand on my shoulder, he seems sincere, but I can see Alex standing behind him with a frozen look on her face.

"You've got a place here with us for as long as you need. Oh, and before I forget, Irene called me this morning. She's picked up some of your things, she'll drop them off later tonight.'

The idea of Irene physically going into my parents home to pack my clothes makes me nauseous, they're going to blame me for everything, I'm so sure they hate me. I can't bring myself to think about it.

I look at Alex, and I'm so fucking thankful when she starts talking, "Now that we're done, can I take Piper for a walk down by the creek?"

I see the stern look he gives Alex, but it only lasts for a second, "Sure, just behave yourself."

Alex nods and leads me out of the house. It's a beautiful day and I love being outdoors, although I am acutely aware of the fact that I'm with a girl I barely know. It should bother me more than it does, but honestly, there's something about her that puts me at ease, she feels safe.

We walk in silence for about 15 minutes before finally reaching the small creek, which is mostly dried out. I watch her step down into the creek bed and reach out for my hand, helping me do the same. It feels so good to be out in the sun, I don't even care that we haven't said anything to each other since leaving the house. The creek eventually leads to a grassy area, we stop and walk up to the grass and sit in between the trees. Finally, I hear her voice.

"I come here a lot."

I keep looking up at the impossibly blue sky, "I can see why, it's really nice, and it's a great reading spot."

Alex lies down on the grass, her knees still bent, and I find myself doing the same thing. She shifts her head to look at me, "I mostly come here to draw."

"That's great, so you're an artist?"

A small smirk spreads across her lips, "I wouldn't call myself an artist, it's just a hobby."

I start to feel more daring as the conversation flows, "Can I see your work?"

"Sure."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I'm not gonna lie, I'm starting to like this girl. It also doesn't hurt that she's kind of adorable. We're still lying in the grass, talking about nothing in particular. In the last hour I've learnt that her favourite topic is English, she loves running, and she has two brothers. Once she starts talking, I almost can't stop her, but it's nice. It's the first time in a long time that I actually _want_ to learn more about someone else. Lately I spend most of my time trying to avoid other people. I'm so tired of being let down, I'd rather be alone and have no expectations.

I watch as she leans up on her elbow and looks down at me, "So what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Do you have a family?"

She's obviously decided that it's now my turn to do the talking, but that's not gonna happen. _I might like you Piper, but that doesn't mean I'll ever tell you about my family._

"Desi is my family now."

She obviously didn't get the message, and I feel like she's leaning in even closer now, "And before Desi?"

I'm starting to get frustrated and force myself to look at her, but then it all ebbs away, _don't be a jerk to her Vause, her life's just fallen apart, play nice._

"I don't see my parents anymore, I don't know where they are."

Her expression instantly changes, but I don't want her pity, and I remind myself again not to be a jerk.

"Shit, I'm sorry Alex."

I want to lighten the mood, I don't want her pity or her sympathy, just her company.

"It's fine, it's not your fault."

But I can't relax, no, not now. I need to get up, need to move, I'm afraid I might die if I sit still for too much longer.

"Let's keep walking, there's a small lake further up."

"Sounds nice."

I stand up first and reach out my hand to help her up, it's not something I even think about, it just happens. She smiles as she takes my hand and I pull her up. Then we're walking again, but there's no silence this time.

"Which school do you go to?"

I think our shoulders just brushed, no, maybe I imagined it...

"Litchfield High, starting 10th grade at the end of summer, you?"

"Well, I used to go to Columbia Girls, but I'm pretty sure that's over."

"So Litchfield then?"

It's the closest public school, so I assume that's where she'll end up.

"Yeah, probably."

For the first time all day I hear the sadness in her voice, and I actually feel bad. I reminded her about the fact that her life's changing, she'll be the new kid, all that crap. So I do something that I _never_ do, and loosely swing an arm over her shoulders.

"Don't worry about it, you'll know me, and I'll introduce you to some people."

I see her smile but it looks forced, so I try again.

"And look, if you ever wanna talk about stuff, I know what it's like. So, yeah..."

 _Seriously what the fuck was that! You may as well be asking for her granny's best cookie recipe!_

I see her smile again, but this one isn't so sad anymore, is that relief in her eyes?

"Thanks Alex, I might take you up on that offer some day."

I smile back and take my arm from her shoulders, and we keep walking.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I wouldn't mind if she left her arm around my shoulders, but she moves it away and keeps walking next to me. She's so closed off about her family, it makes me think something really horrible happened. I mean, my situation isn't exactly great, but it feels good to finally talk about it. Even if I didn't tell her about the bad stuff, it was still nice to talk about Cal and Danny.

It's not much longer before we reach the small lake, it's all so picturesque. I've always spent most of my time in the city, but I'm actually really enjoying being out here. I take a look around, the water looks clear and the grass is long and green, there's no one else here.

"Wanna get in?"

"What?"

"The water?"

"Uhhmm..."

"C'mon, it's hot as hell out here."

I wouldn't quite call it hot as hell, but the day has definitely warmed up. But besides that, it's not like I have bathers, I'm not exactly ready to strip down to my underwear in front of this girl I barely know.

I keep hesitating, and Alex's smirk just keeps getting bigger, "C'mooonn Piper, I won't bite."

I don't even know what to say, so I stand still and watch her. She takes off her sneakers, then she pulls her jeans down to reveal black boy shorts underneath. Then she uses the hair tie on her wrist to pull her hair into a messy bun before pulling off her t-shirt, but she has a grey tank top on underneath.

She turns her back to me and walks into the water, and I'm left looking at her back as she gets further away from me. My eyes are fixated on her shoulders, and then I notice all these small red marks on her skin. At first I think they're mosquito bites, then I think they look like scars. I don't want to scare her off with any more questions, so I push it to the back of my mind and follow suit, and taking off my shoes and jeans and following her into the water. I'm soooo fucking glad she lent me a tank top this morning, otherwise I'd be standing here in my bra.

The water isn't very deep, and I walk towards her in the middle of the small lake until we're face to face. The waterline is resting just below my chest.

"So what's your plan for the rest of the summer holidays?"

Alex looks towards the sky and seems to seriously contemplate my question, "Hmmmm, absolutely nothing."

"C'mon, you must have some plans, what about your friends?"

"I don't have many of those."

"I don't believe you," this girl might be quiet and moody, but I'm sure she has at least one friend.

She gives me her best sarcastic voice, and I keep my eyes plastered on her smile, "Okay, you got me! If I'm not drawing or reading, I spend most of my time with my friends Nicky and Frieda. I'm sure you'll probably meet them soon, seeing as how we live together now."

It sounds so weird when she says that, but it is technically true. It makes me think about our living situation, and the fact that Alex seemes to know Irene.

"So you've known Irene for a while?"

Alex seems to ignore my question and splashes water in my direction, "Hey!"

She comes closer to me again, still sporting that damn smirk, "Okay, you got me again Piper! I've known Irene since I was sent to live with Desi."

I start talking again, but this time I can't stop the serious tone slipping past my lips, "She was really nice to me last night."

I'm half expecting Alex to avoid any serious conversation, but she doesn't, not this time.

"Yeah, she's nice. I've given her a hard time over the years, but she's done a lot for me. She'll look after you."

Now I lock onto her gaze, "Will she force me to go back home?"

"I don't know, it depends what happened, what your parents say. But if she honestly thinks it's not safe for you at home, she won't force you to go back."

For the first time since this morning my cheek starts to sting, maybe it's the water, or maybe it's the fact that I can't stop replaying what happened over and over again in my head. I raise my hand to my face without even realising it.

"Does it hurt today?"

"Just a little."

This time she moves closer to me until our faces are nearly touching, and I let her inspect the cut on my cheek. My stare moves from her green eyes, then down her neck and onto her shoulders, where I can see a few of those same small red marks on her pale skin. They are definitely scars, and the fact that her face is only inches away from mine gives me a new found courage to ask another question.

"What are those?"

She looks me in the eye and part of me wants to look away, it's intense being this close to her, "What?"

"Those marks on your shoulder?"

I watch her look down at the scars and she takes a deep breath, "Nothing."

I instantly feel bad for prying, but I'm relieved when she doesn't move away from me, and I hear her voice again.

"We should head back, we've been gone for a while."

She walks out of the water without saying a word, I hate it.

I follow her, "Alex, I'm sorry, it's really none of my business."

"It's really okay, it's just...I don't even know what it is, it's not something I talk about."

"I completely understand, I shouldn't have said anything."

Again, I let her walk towards me and put a hand on my shoulder, "Piper, it's fine. We both ended up here because shitty things happened to us. Let's just enjoy the rest of the day, go home for dinner and watch shitty movies."

"Sounds like a plan," I'm so relieved by her words, but I still feel bad.

 _You talk too fucking much Piper! You wouldn't be in this situation at all if you just learnt to shut your mouth..._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

It's been a week since Piper moved in, and I'm afraid to admit how much better my life has been with her around. It's not only because her being in the house has kept Desi off my back, I just like being around her.

Desi is working the night shift, leaving me and Piper alone for dinner. We're about to start cooking spaghetti when the door bell rings, it's Irene. She joins us in the kitchen while I put the water on to boil. They sit across from each other at the kitchen table, and I hope to hell Irene is here with good news.

"So Piper, how have you been settling in?"

"Better than I thought, have you seen my parents again?"

I turn around to see a very familiar look on Irene's face, and I know it's not good news.

"I spoke to your mum this morning, she's back at home now."

Piper's voice becomes so quiet, "Is she okay?"

"I think so."

"What about my dad?"

"We're still not sure where he is."

I wish I could wrap her up in a hug, this is the first time since she's been here that she looks like she wants to cry.

"When can I go home?"

"I don't know sweetie, not for a while. Your mum is trying, but I still can't let you go back there, I don't think she's ready for that."

I really wish I knew what the hell happened, at least then I might be able to help her.

"What if she goes to rehab?"

I turn around just in time to see Irene reach across the table and take Piper's hand, "I can't force her to go to rehab. And until she stops drinking, it's not safe for you there."

I think Piper's crying, so I turn back to the stove and put the spaghetti in the pot.

"Piper, it's my job to make sure you're safe."

Irene keeps talking, it's the same speech I've heard before. I genuinely like Irene and I know she means well, but nothing she can say in that moment will make Piper feel better. She's just been told that she can't go back home because her own mother might hurt her. I have no idea what happened for Piper to end up her, but whatever it was, it will probably haunt her for the rest of her life.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

Just because I've settled into this new environment okay, doesn't mean it's not upsetting to hear that I can't go back home. I know how fucked up the situation is, deep down I know I might never be able to go back home, but it still hurts.

I used to hide it all for so long, all the cuts and bruises, but then it got too hard to hide. Once school found out what was happening, I lost control over erything. All because of the teacher seeing me get changed after gym class. She saw the cuts and bruises, and I couldn't explain them away. Then I ended up sitting in her office in tears.

I've always been taught to push my emotions deep down, no one in my family likes to acknowledge their feelings, we all just pretend. No matter what happens, never let the facade fall, it's all you've got.

But I'll never forget that moment when I finally broke down in front of my gym teacher. That was the first time in my life that an adult encouraged me to talk, and fuck it felt so good.

Right now, sitting across from Irene, I try to remind myself of that moment. I try to remind myself that it's okay to feel, that some people do care. But most of all I try to remind myself that I'm safe now, and that's the most important thing.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

Piper doesn't say much after Irene leaves, and we end up having a very quiet dinner. I'm sitting across from her at the kitchen table, watching her play with the last bits of spaghetti in her plate. All I want to do is cheer her up.

"Wanna watch a movie?"

She doesn't even look up from her bowl, "Not really."

"How about a walk?"

She shakes her head and keeps staring at the bowl.

"Well, okay, what do you feel like doing?"

"I just wanna go home."

There it was, she finally said it. But that's one thing I can't give her, I can't fix that problem. But I do know what it feels like. And I can see that look in her eyes, all she needs right now is an outlet.

I get up from the table and take her by the hand. She doesn't say anything and lets me lead her into the backyard. I sit down on the back porch and pull her down with me, and we just sit there, all she needs is time.

"I wanna fix this so badly Alex."

"I know, but you can't fix everything."

She exhales loudly, like she's just accepted some sort of invisible fate.

"My little brother is still in that house, how can they leave him there?"

"Have you spoken to him since you've been here."

She shakes her head and exhales again.

"I know my mum's an alcoholic, I know what she's done isn't good. But it's not all her fault."

I move closer until I can wrap an arm around her shoulders. I start breathing a little deeper once I feel her head leaning against my shoulder.

We sit like that until I feel her body start to slump against mine, I can tell she's getting tired.

"Let's head upstairs, you can barely keep your eyes open."

"Will you stay with me for a bit? I don't feel like being alone."

Of course I want to stay with her, but in the back of my mind I'm trying to remember what time Desi will get home.

 _Fuck it, I'm not leaving her alone tonight._

We walk up to Piper's room and kick off our shoes before we both get onto the bed. We lie on top of the covers, staring at the ceiling. She eventually moves closer and rests her head against my chest, and that's exactly how we fall asleep.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

Me and Piper develop our own little routine as time goes by. Desi wakes us up every morning, we have breakfast with him before he goes to work, and then the rest of the day is ours. We generally spend the mornings reading and hanging out in each others rooms, and then walk back down to the creek after lunch.

We haven't gone back in the water, but I don't mind. It's just been nice to have someone to hang out with, especially since Nicky and Frieda are still away on family holidays for another week.

We're both lying in the grass next to the creek. We've been mostly talking about Piper's brothers and books, when she starts asking me questions about Desi.

"So he works at the men's prison?"

"Yeah, he's been there for ages."

"That must be a tough job."

I hum in agreement but don't say anything. I don't like to think about him too much. Although he's pretty much left me alone since Piper moved in, that has been a massive relief. It's the first time I've felt semi relaxed in that house for almost a year. But it won't last forever, it never does.

"He seems a bit stressed out some nights."

I don't want to talk about Desi anymore and mumble under my breath, "That's what happens when you're an asshole."

"What?"

"Nothing."

I don't waste any time rolling over and looking at Piper, "Feel like going to the lake?"

I don't miss the fact that she shuffles closer to me before she answers, "Hmmm, do you mind if we just stay here today?"

The reality is that I don't give a shit about the lake, and will happily spend the afternoon lying right here if that's what Piper wants to do.

"We can stay here."

I watch her smile and shuffle in closer until her head is resting against my shoulder, she's been doing that alot lately. It's not long before we both close our eyes and let our bodies sink into the grass.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

It feels so good to fall asleep this close to Alex. I tell myself it's no big deal, I'm not doing anything with Alex that I wouldn't do with any of my other friends.

I have no idea how long we've been asleep when I'm woken up by a loud voice followed by Alex practically jumping off the ground.

"Yo Vause, time to wake up!"

It takes me a minute to adjust my vision, and I eventually see a teenage girl standing over us.

Alex is sitting up by this point and throws a clump of grass at the shorter girl.

"Fuck, you asshole! You nearly gave me a fucking heart attack."

The shorter girl with messy hair laughs and sits on the grass next to us.

"Is that any way to speak to one of your _only_ friends."

"Fuck off Nicholls. What the hell is going on anyway, aren't you meant to be on a cruise boat somewhere?"

"Nope, dear old daddy needed to get back to work, so here I am."

"What about Frieda?"

"Well, Frieda is probably sleeping rough in the middle of fucking nowhere with her crazy ass father. But enough with the distractions and introduce me to your new friend already."

I see Alex roll her eyes, "This is Piper, she moved a few weeks ago, Irene dropped her off. Piper, this is my friend Nicky."

Nicky's eyes widen, "Oohhh. Well, Piper, welcome to the fold."

At first I'm not sure if she's being serious, but Alex jumps in.

"Just ignore her Piper, Nicky never did quite master the art of being polite."

"Hey, I _was_ being polite! Besides, having an extra person in the house will keep him off your back."

I'm about to ask Nicky what she means by that when I see Alex glaring at her friend, I decide it's best to drop it.

Nicky seems keen to move on and slaps Alex on the leg, "How is old dickhead Desi anyway?"

Alex keeps her answer short, and I can practically feel the tension bouncing off her, "He's still a dickhead."

"Of course he is."

Nicky lights up a cigarette before she keeps talking, "Okay, but in all seriousness Vause, how's it been?"

I watch Alex lean over and take a cigarette from her friend, "It's been fine, can we drop it now?"

Nicky nods and turns her attention back to me, "Regardless of what Alex might say, I'm not actually an asshole. You settled in okay?"

Nicky seems sincere enough, maybe she's just a little rough around the edges.

"Yeah, I have. I mean, it's not easy, but it's been nice to have Alex for company."

I could feel Alex shuffling around next to me, clearly wanting to change the topic.

"What brings you here anyway?"

"I went by the house but no one was home, so I figured you'd be here."

The three of us sat there in silence for a few moments before Nicky stood up, "I better head home. It was good to meet you Piper."

"Thanks, you too."

Nicky turns to Alex one more time before leaving, "I'll come by the house tomorrow."

Alex stays perfectly still until Nicky walks away, she looks upset.

"Are you okay?"

But she immediately brushes off my question, "Yeah, we should head back, we've been gone for while."

"Can't we stay? It's still early."

I watch her take a deep breath and lay back down, "Okay."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

Fucking Nicky! She knows that her and Frieda are the only people that know about the shit happening at home, why does she need to ask questions like that in front of Piper!

Piper has enough stress in her life without having to deal with more, I do not want to tell her anything. Besides, telling her will make me look even more messed up than I already do.

I can't say no to her when she asks to stay for longer. We don't technically need to home by a certain time, but I know it'll piss him off if we stay for much longer. I'm not sure I even care anymore.

Piper lies down next to me again and I try to change the subject, "Have you heard from your parents at all?"

"I know what you're doing Alex, and I'm not falling for it. You ask me questions about my family all the time, but you won't say anything about your own."

I sigh, "What do you want me to say?"

"I've told you about my family, so why can't you tell me about yours? I'm not asking why you ended up in foster care, just tell me what they're like."

"You really want to know about my family?"

"I just want to get to know you better."

Seriously, this girl won't give up, "My dad's a musician, my mum stayed home and looked after me."

I can see Piper getting comfortable in the grass, "And? What were they like?"

I'm not used to sharing this much, it feels completely foreign, but she somehow makes me want to talk.

"I was never close to my dad. I tried to spend as much time as possible with my mum, we were close."

"Are you still close?"

"Not really, I haven't seen her in a long time, it's just what happens once you're in the system."

I'm relieved, relieved that I actually opened up to another human being, and relieved that she's stopped asking questions.

I watch her rest her head back against the grass and look up at the sky, "I've never really been close to either of my parents."

It's clear that we've both revealed as much as we can for now, and the conversation turns back to school.

It's over an hour before we start the walk back home, and I'm preparing myself for getting in trouble, although I'm hoping Piper's presence will make it minimal.

"You still haven't shown me any of your drawings."

I move a little closer to her, "That's true, how about tonight after dinner?"

She meets me halfway and our shoulders brush against each other for the millionth time in the last week, "It's a date."

We make it home before dinner but I'm still cautious about Desi. He's sitting in the kitchen when we walk through the front door. Piper goes straight upstairs to get changed, but of course Desi calls for me.

I walk into the kitchen, bracing myself for whatever's gonna happen. He gets up from his seat and walks towards me.

"Where the hell have you been?"

"The same place we've been everyday, the creek," my tone is full of attitude but I can't stop myself.

He steps closer, and I remember how much I hate this side of him.

"Don't drag that girl down with you."

"What does that even mean?"

"It means you should've been home over an hour ago. Don't forget your place here Alex."

I don't want to listen to this anymore, and try to walk out of the kitchen, but of course he grabs onto my arm and stops me from going too far.

He's holding me against the door frame, and I keep forcing myself to look him in the face, "I used to think I had a good place here."

Now he leans in really close to my face, "Would you rather be on the streets?"

"No, but I'd rather you didn't treat me like shit! The only reason you've treated me like a human being for the last few weeks is because Piper's here."

I try to brace myself as he grabs me by the shoulders and slams my back into the door frame behind me. I feel the hard wood dig into my shoulder blade, but I refuse to cry.

"I treat you a whole lot better than either of your parents ever did," he keeps his voice low and dark. I've had enough, and try to push past him again, but of course it won't be that easy. He keeps his hands on my shoulders to hold me in place.

"Don't walk away from me, we're not done here."

I know I shouldn't snap at him, but fuck it, "Yeah we are! What the fuck happened to turn you into such an asshole? You used to be a good guy!"

I close my eyes and wait for him to slam me into the door frame again, it hurts a lot more the second time around. He's about to go again when we both hear Piper's voice from the top of the stairs, calling my name.

He lets go of me, I can see that he's trying to calm himself down before he walks back into the kitchen. I head towards the stair case and see Piper standing at the top, worry plastered all over her face.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

What the hell did I just see? Did that really happen? What the fuck...

It was obvious there was tension between Alex and Desi, but what I see right now makes me skin crawl. All I can do is shout out her name, pretend like I need to ask her something. It's the only way I can stop anything else from happening. Luckily he doesn't seem to notice me at the top of the stairs, but I notice everything, and wave Alex into my bedroom, closing the door behind us.

I can tell by the look on her face that she's in pain, but she stands there in silence.

"What the fuck just happened? And don't you dare tell me everything is fine."

She doesn't move, and keeps standing next to the closed door, "I don't know what to say."

I try to keep myself calm, I keep trying to remember how much I hate it when my mum tries to force me to talk when I'm upset. So I take a step back, I need to go back to basics.

"Let me look at your shoulder."

"You don't need to do that, it's not a big deal."

I keep looking at her, trying to let her know that I'm worried and all I want to do is help.

She sighs and sits on my bed, she looks so defeated and it breaks my heart a little.

I sit next to her, "Can I lift up your shirt."

She nods and I slowly lift up her t-shirt until I can see her shoulder blade. It looks red from where she hit the door frame, and I can't help but stare at all those little scars.

"Does it hurt?"

"Yeah..."

I can't believe she actually admitted it hurts, and I consider it a small win. I run my hand over the red mark and she winces straight away.

"Shit, sorry."

I pull her t-shirt back down and nearly jump out of my skin when I hear his voice from downstairs.

"Alex! Get down here, we need to talk."

She starts to get up from the bed, but I instantly grab onto her arm, "No way, you can't go back down there."

"Piper, I don't have a choice."

"Bulshit, we always have a choice."

"Except I don't."

She starts to walk back down the stairs and I follow her every step of the way. He's standing at the bottom of the stairs, he doesn't even seem to notice me until I'm standing in front of him.

I see his face change, but he still looks so dark, "Piper, I just need a moment alone with Alex."

I smile and walk past him into the kitchen, mumbling something about getting a glass of water. But in reality I hide behind the kitchen door and watch them both. He's whispering and I can't hear him properly, and I'm so relieved when he lets her go back upstairs.

I practically run back up to her room and close the door behind me.

"What did he say?"

But all I get is silence, "Alex, you need to tell me what he said."

She's sitting on the bed and I kneel down in front of her. I can see how glassy those green eyes are, and my desperation to help increases.

"He didn't say much. It's okay Pipes, I'm okay."

 _Pipes..._

"Don't keep telling me you're okay. What I just saw is _not_ okay."

 _She's so closed off, how do I get her to talk to me._

I stand up, thinking that maybe I should leave her alone. But I feel her grab my hand before I can walk away.

"Stay for a while?"

I nod and pull her off the bed and into a hug. It's the first real hug we've really had, it feels amazing to be this close to her. I feel her bury her face into my shoulder, I feel her long dark hair against my skin, she slowly tightens her grip around my waist.

"Thanks Piper."

I pull back from the hug and give her a smile, and I can see all the important things she's trying to say in her eyes. I tell her I'll be right back and head back to the kitchen, luckily I don't see Desi on the way. I grab a packet of frozen peas and my pajamas before heading back into Alex's room.

She's getting changed when I walk in and I can see how much she's struggling to lift her arm, _that fucking asshole._

I don't even think about what I'm doing and help her pull the t-shirt over her hand and help her put on a new one.

"Thanks."

I hold up the frozen peas, "Lie down for a while, this will help."

I'm relieved when she doesn't argue and lies on her stomach. I put peas on her shoulder, she winces again.

I get changed into my own pajamas and lie next to her. I've spent more time with her in the last few weeks than I have with anyone else in the last few months. I care about her, and I want her to confide in me.

"Al, what's going on?"

 _Please Alex, talk to me..._

"Things have been rough between me and Desi for a while, but that was the first time it got physical."

She must have seen the doubt in my eyes straight away, "I promise Pipes, I'm telling the truth. It really sucks because we used to be close. I really loved him, I guess I still do, it's so fucked up."

It's so good to hear her open up, I reach out and run a hand up and down her arm, "You don't just stop loving someone over night because they hurt you."

We lie there on the bed, looking at eachother, trying to take in all the emotions.

I see the smallest of smiles spread across her lips before she speaks, "You know what?"

"What?"

"I'm pretty sure these peas are ruined."

I can't help but laugh, "Hilarious joke Vause."

It's so good to see her smiling, and I take the opportunity to look at her shoulder again. I don't think I've ever been so careful to not hurt someone in my entire life.

"It's already starting to bruise, fuck..."

She tosses the peas next to her and puts her arms around me, I can't stop focusing on the feeling of her fingers in my hair.

"Stay in here tonight, we can talk about stuff tomorrow once he's at work. Right now I just wanna sleep."

I whisper a yes, and I'm pretty sure my heart skips a beat as I feel her lips brush against my neck.

I keep telling myself _, this girl is so special, and she has no fucking idea..._


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

We stay in my bedroom all night and Desi leaves us alone. I have no idea what time it is when I wake up, but my back and shoulder fucking hurt. It's been a long time since I've been in this much pain, all it does is remind me of so many things I want to forget. But all of those thoughts are erased once I remember that Piper's lying next to me. We're facing each other in my small bed, she's still asleep. I reach across and brush a few strands of blonde hair from her eyes, wanting her to wake up, I want to talk to her.

Actually wanting to talk to someone feels so weird, it makes me want to be closer to her, not only emotionally but also physically. Part of me knows that she should go back to her own room so Desi doesn't catch us together, but the other part really wants her to stay.

I move closer to her in the bed, "Piper."

She groans and reaches out to grab my hand, "Why are you waking me up?"

Now it's her turn to mover closer to me, our noses are practically touching at this point, "I just don't want Desi to catch you in here."

She finally opens her eyes and looks almost hurt, "Oh, right, of course," she tries to get out of the bed straight away but I don't let go of her hand.

"Hey, let's be clear, I don't _want_ you to go, I just don't want you to get in trouble because of me."

There's that smile again, and I instantly feel better.

"I'm not gonna get in trouble. How's your back?"

My automatic instinct is to say it's fine, but I stop myself from saying that. The reality is that it hurts like hell.

"It's pretty sore."

She gestures for me to let her look, so I roll onto my stomach and lift up my shirt. If the way it feels is any indication, I assume it looks pretty bad.

Her reaction says it all, "Fuck Alex, it looks really sore. I'm surprised you can even move."

What do I say to that? Yeah, it's fucking painful, I can't lie on my back and I can barely move my arm. But what do I do about it? It's my word versus his, and his record is a hell of a lot better than mine. Besides, if I told Irene and she did believe me I'd be sent somewhere else that might be worse. It would also mean leaving Piper alone with him, and that's not an option.

"Let's just say I don't think we'll be walking to the creek today. What if I invite Nicky and Frieda over? You can finally meet them properly. We'll have the place to ourselves while Desi's at work."

Even though Nicky has a big mouth, I really want her and Frieda to get to know Piper. They're the two people in the world that I'm closest to, their friendship means a lot to me.

Before Piper can say anything, we both hear the front door slam as Desi leaves the house. He's obviously still in a bad mood over last night. To be honest, I couldn't be happier, because now there's no need for Piper to leave my bed.

"Guess I didn't need to wake you up early after all."

Fuck, that smile might kill me one day.

"Let's stay in bed for a while. Then you can call your friends."

I put an arm around her, "Thanks for last night."

She doesn't say anything and closes the short distance between our lips, taking me by surprise. It takes me a moment but I kiss her back, and I'm so sure she can feel my heart pounding. I've kissed a couple of girls before, but this is definitely the softest kiss I've ever had.

"What was that for?"

"I don't know, I wanted to know what it would feel like."

I lean in slowly and gently kiss her again, I'm so relieved when she kisses me back. She keeps looking at me once the kiss is over, and I suddenly feel the need to break the silence.

"What should we have for breakfast?"

"Forget about breakfast, just stay in bed with me for a little longer. Let's lie here and relax while we can."

She rolls over and I put an arm around her, holding her against me. We stay like that for most of the morning, somewhere in between asleep and awake. I try and memorise all of it, it's been a long time since I've had something that felt so good, I don't want to forget.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I have no idea where I found the courage to kiss her like that, but I'm so glad I did. It's like there was no other choice, I had to do it. I've never kissed a girl before, it's not something I'd ever thought about, but I'd never met someone like Alex before. I love it when she kisses me again, I can feel my whole body tingling, no other kiss has ever made me feel like that.

I want to stay wrapped up with her all day, but I know she wants her friends to come over. I want her all to myself with no distractions. I'm not ready to admit that out loud, I don't want to scare her, although something tells me she wouldn't mind. It's early afternoon by the time Nicky and Frieda come over, and suddenly I'm nervous. Something snaps in my mind and I realise how much I actually want these girls to like me.

Alex hugs both of them when they walk into the house. Watching that scene makes me feel like all my friendships have been so superficial, I never embrace any of my friends like that, not even the closest. I suppose it shouldn't be surprising, considering how sterile my parents were with each other when I was growing up.

I shake off my thoughts and pay attention to the scene in front of me. Nicky and Frieda are about the same height and both have brown hair, Nicky's hair looks a lot more wild. Something looks more serious about Frieda's expression as she hugs Alex, like she's worried about something. Nicky breaks my train of thought and I feel her hand slap me on the shoulder, "How's it going Piper? Promise I'll behave myself today."

For all her joking around, she seems pretty genuine. I'm about to say something when I see the grimace on Alex's face when she's hugging Frieda, it must be her back.

I must've had a weird look on my face and Nicky doesn't miss the opportunity, "C'mon blondie, I'm not that ugly am I?"

I have no idea how to respond to that without looking like an idiot, but I try anyway, "What? No, sorry, I guess I'm still a little tired."

"I'm sure you and Vause will have plenty of time to catch up on sleep later tonight." She gives me a smirk and walks into the kitchen, and Alex uses the opportunity to introduce me to Frieda.

"Piper, this is Frieda, she goes to Litchfield too."

I try to shake off those annoying nerves and give this girl my friendliest smile, "Hi Frieda, good to meet you."

"Hey, so how've you been settling in?"

It's the same question everyone asks, so I immediately jump into the usual robotic response, "It's been pretty good, better than being at home anyway."

I'm not sure how to interpret the look she gives me, but her words are polite enough, "So ladies, what are we doing with ourselves today?"

 **0-0-0-0-0**

It feels so good to see Frieda again, it's been way too long. Her dad always takes her on ridiculously long camping trips in the middle of nowhere, which always cuts into the holidays. To be honest, her dad seems borderline insane, but I'm not sure she sees it. Besides, she's got no one else. If she didn't live with him, she'd end up in the system like me. And she knows everything that's been going on in the last year, which probably makes staying with her dad seem like luxury.

We're sitting in the backyard while Piper and Nicky are inside picking a movie for us to watch. This is one of my favourite parts of being friends with Frieda, the silences are never awkward, and they're never meaningless.

But she breaks the silence with a question that I don't want to answer, "So what happened?"

"What? Nothing."

"Don't give me that bulshit Alex, you practically pushed me a mile away when I hugged you. Is he getting worse?"

"What the fuck does that even mean?"

I hear her sigh, she doesn't deserve to be on the receiving end of my shitty attitude, but I can't help it.

"You know what it means Alex, so just tell me."

"I pissed him off last night."

"And?"

"And...he got in my face, it's not a big deal Frieda, I'm fine."

"How long do you think you'll be able to keep saying that for? Things aren't getting any better Alex, you need to say something to Irene."

Now I'm standing, pacing in front of her, "No way! She will _never_ believe me, and besides, I'm not leaving Piper here alone with him."

Frieda stands up too, and I know all she wants is to get through to me, "If they find out what he's been doing they'll move her too."

"You don't know that! You know how fucked up the system is, you don't know what could happen to her."

"Listen to yourself Alex! You don't know what happened to Desi to make him go so fucking crazy, and you have no chance of stopping him from doing what he wants to you _and_ Piper."

That's it, I can't listen to this anymore, "Would you shut the fuck up!"

There's that familiar silence again, I feel bad for getting angry at her, especially since she's probably right. But that path isn't an option now, I don't know why, but it just isn't.

"At least have the guts to be honest with me and yourself. You still think you can find Diane, don't you?"

Wow, those words cut me in a way I can't describe, and now I feel completely naked, "So what if I do?"

"So what! Which part of it have you forgotten? The part where she chose drugs over you? The part where she was never there to protect you? Or the part where she let your dad and his groupies do whatever the fuck they wanted to you!"

That's it, I shove her in the shoulders as hard as I can and she stumbles backwards. Of course she doesn't fall, her dad probably forces her to practice balancing on a log every day just for the hell of it.

As usual, she keeps her cool and walks back towards me, "Did that make you feel better?"

"No..."

"Okay then, let's keep talking."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I can feel Nicky staring at me and I decide to test the waters, "What happened to behaving yourself today?"

She laughs, "I'm just tryna figure you out."

"Figure me out?"

"Yeah, you know, you woulda done it a million times before every time a new person starts at your school. You look 'em up and down, and decide if they sit with the cool crew or not."

"Are you suggesting you're the cool crew?"

More laughter, "Definitely not, although I'm sure Vause thinks she's too cool for everyone, except you maybe."

I'm about to ask her what that's meant to mean when Frieda and Alex come back into the lounge room. Alex looks so flat, but Frieda doesn't give anyone time to think.

"C'mon ladies, we can watch movies anytime. Let's go for a walk or something."

Nicky groans, and I'm surprised when Alex speaks up, "I like your thinking, get off your ass Nicholls."

Nicky mockingly raises her middle finger and we all head into the kitchen. Frieda and Alex shove a few drinks and snacks into a backpack and we leave the house.

Frieda leads the way, and it's actually turned into a really nice day. She leads us to the creek and then past the lake, with Nicky complaining the whole way.

"Frieds you're killing me! For the love of god, can we please sit down?"

Frieda laughs, and we stop under one of the bigger trees. Nicky collapses onto the ground and Frieda opens up the back pack. Alex looks happy, but I'm worried about her back and shoulder, "How you feeling?"

She gives me a cross between a smile and a grimace, "Kinda stiff."

I grab her forearm and slowly help her sit down, Nicky gives us a weird look, "That's exactly what my granny looks like when she tries to get into her rocking chair."

Alex tries to get comfortable leaning against the tree trunk and Nicky seems concerned about the lack of a witty comeback, "Seriously though, you okay?"

I can see Frieda looking over her shoulder, but she stays silent.

"I'm fine, just like granny Nicholls."

Nicky seems satisfied and moves to sit next to Alex, playfully slapping her on the back. Not even Alex can brush that off, and groans through clenched teeth. Nicky isn't buying it anymore, "Shit, what the fuck Vause."

I'm surprised when Alex doesn't make any attempt to stop Nicky when she pulls down the collar of Alex's t-shirt and looks at her shoulder.

"What's this?"

"Nick, it's nothing."

I keep looking between all three girls, Frieda is starting a small fire, and Nicky has a horrified look on her face.

"Bulshit it's nothing, what the fuck happened?"

Nicky's voice starts to quiver, and now I'm worried. Thankfully, Frieda steps in, "You know what it is Nicky."

But that seems to make Nicky even more agitated, "You say that like it's nothing!"

"You know it's not like that, but we need to stay calm."

I'm starting to feel like an intruder, but then I feel Alex's hand on top of mine before she starts talking, "Nicky, I'm okay, Piper was there."

Nicky seems to contemplate things for a while, "Is that supposed to make me feel better? What did he do?"

"He pushed me into the door frame last night. Piper saw it from upstairs and called out for me, he let me go."

Now Nicky looks straight at me, "Good thinking."

There's silence again for a while, and Nicky still looks so uncomfortable, "Are you okay?"

"I promise Nicky, I'm okay, it's just sore. Besides, he's not gonna do anything like that in front of Piper. He's never done that before."

Frieda's fire starts to crackle and Nicky sits down in front of me and Alex, "I know it sucks, but he's not the same guy anymore Alex. Whatever happened at the prison last year seriously fucked him up."

"I know..."

I feel Alex's fingers tighten around my own, and we all shuffle over so we're sitting around the small fire. Frieda hands out some cans of lemonade and a bag of pretzels, and everyone seems to calm down, at least for the moment.

"You should rub some aloe on that bruise, it'll clear it right up."

"Thanks Frieda, I'll remember that," Alex smiles at her friend and I feel our shoulders brush against each other.

We stay sitting around the fire for almost an hour, and I learn a lot about these girls. Nicky's background seems similar to mine, and Frieda lives with her dad, who seems eccentric to say the least. Both girls are the same age as Alex and they all go to Litchfield High.

Frieda, who seems to be the most rational, starts asking about my family, "So Piper, you've heard our battle stories, what are your parents like?"

Alex gives her a warning look but I don't mind answering the question. They've all started to open up to me, I figure I should do the same. Besides, maybe talking about it will make me feel better.

"It's okay Al. Well, my dad is a jerk, and my mum is an alcoholic."

Nicky slaps me on the leg, "Oh yes, the rich folk love to get plastered, my mum's preferred choice is gin, yours?"

"She tends to stick to the white wine. But it's gotten a lot worse in the last 12 months since I caught my dad cheating."

Frieda practically chokes on a pretzel, "You caught him?"

"Yeah...I got home from school early and they were on the sofa."

"Fuck, Pipes, that's horrible," our fingers have been intertwined for most of the day, and I don't even want to admit how comforting it is.

"Damn blondie, no amount of therapy will erase that image from your brain."

I have to laugh at that comment, it feels good to laugh at all, "You're probably right."

"Is that why you ended up with Desi?" Frieda asks.

"Kind of. My mum's drinking got out of control, my dad kept acting like an asshole. It's so fucked up, it like she hates me for telling her the truth. Like, it's too hard to ignore now."

I exhale and let my shoulders relax, and I start to feel a little lighter.

We sit around the small fire for another hour enjoying the afternoon, it feels really nice and for a while I manage to forget about my problems. I can feel Alex start to squirm next to me and I know she's getting uncomfortable.

"We should head back soon Pipes."

We all pitch in packing up our stuff and Frieda puts out the fire. I stand in front of Alex and slowly help her stand up, she looks tired but happy.

"Thanks Pipes."

It's not much longer before we're walking back towards home. I feel Frieda slip something into my hand while Alex and Nicky are walking ahead of us, "Aloe gel, make sure she uses it, it'll take the bruising down."

"Thanks, you just carry this stuff around with you?"

She gives me a crooked smile, "I like to be prepared. When the world turns to shit, those two will be clinging onto me for survival."

I laugh, mostly because it's probably true.

"Look out for her okay?" Her tone sounds serious again.

"Yeah, of course I will."

"She tries to deal with everything herself, even though that never works, she's stubborn like that."

"I can tell."

"Don't get in between her and Desi, that's not worth it. But if anything else happens, call me."

We exchange phone numbers and keep walking.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

It has been such a good day, it made me realise how much I've actually missed my friends. We get home and head to my room, Desi is still at work.

I'm exhausted and lie on the bed straight away, patting the mattress next to me until Piper lies down too.

"Can you lift your shirt up again?"

I look her straight in the eyes, she has the most adorable look on her face, "Moving things a little fast don't you think Pipes?"

I love hearing that small laugh, "Not for that you asshole."

She pulls something out of her pocket and sticks it in front of my face, "I promised Frieda you'd use this."

"You really think aloe is gonna make a difference to being slammed into a wall?"

The look on her face instantly changes, she looks hurt, "Sorry Pipes, I didn't mean to come off sounding like an asshole. I just don't think Frieda's home remedy will do a whole lot."

She shuffles a little closer and I can practically smell her shampoo, "You've got nothing to lose, just do it for your friend, and me..."

I see those blue eyes dart back down towards the sheets, and once again I find myself completely unable to say no to this girl, "Okay."

I pull off my t-shirt and lie face down on the bed, lying there in my bra and jeans. I feel the mattress moving, now she's kneeling next to me and I can feel the gel hit my skin, "Fuck that's cold!"

She doesn't say anything and just rubs the gel into my shoulder blade, I can tell how careful she's being to not push too hard.

"Is this okay?"

"Yeah."

I feel more gel hit my skin and her fingers gliding over the bruises again. I close my eyes and press my face into the pillow, I would happily stay like this for the rest of the day. We haven't spoken about the fact that we kissed, and I don't want to scare her off by bringing it up, so I let it go.

She eventually finishes and lies back down next to me, "You might wanna let it dry before you put your shirt on."

I can't let this opportunity pass by, "Really? Or is this your ploy to keep me topless."

She looks embarrassed now, but I'm enjoying every moment.

"Shut up Alex."

Now we're both lying on our sides, facing each other, I put an arm around her to pull our bodies closer, "Thanks."

"You're welcome, but you should probably be thanking Frieda."

"I will, but she worries too much."

I keep watching her and it's not long before her eyes start to close and she falls asleep.

 **A/N**

 **Hi guys,**

 **apologies for the delay with this chapter, I'll hopefully have time to keep it to one update per week going forward. I'm really looking forward to writing Frieda in this story, it's gonna be interesting. I wanted to use this chapter to properly introduce Frieda and Nicky as they'll play a big part in the story. Next chapter will have more flashbacks and more insights into Desi and Diane.**

 **All reviews, positive or negative, are welcomed.**

 **Cheers.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Me and Piper are eating dinner in the kitchen when Desi gets home, I'm hoping he continues to ignore me, but instead he walks straight into the kitchen and looks at me. I'm surprised when he doesn't even ask me to leave the kitchen so we can talk alone, "Alex, I'm sorry about last night. Work has been tough, and I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

Fuck, I want to believe him so badly, I want to believe he can go back to being the nice guy, the person that I loved. But I don't let myself think about those things for too long, "It's okay."

He steps closer, looking dissatisfied with my response, "I mean it Alex, I'm really sorry."

"I know, don't worry about it. How was work today?"

Piper has a weird look on her face and I'm sure she'll be asking questions later. But Desi looks calm, he sits down at the table and pours himself a glass of water, perfectly happy to move onto another topic, "Busy, we got a load of new prisoners today for processing, it's been crazy."

I'm surprised when Piper speaks up, "What's it like working at the prison?"

"It's tough, you need to be on your toes all the time. But it's good, honest work, it's taught me a lot over the years."

Piper keeps asking him questions, "What are the prisoners like?"

"They're not nice people, those guys are in there for the worst things you can imagine."

"But surely they're not all bad?" Her tone sounds genuinely curious, but I know exactly how he'll respond. I've heard his 'all prisoners are bad' speech more times than I can count.

"Piper, trust me, they are _all_ bad. Those men only care about one thing, themselves."

He gets up and fills a plate with the chicken salad we made for dinner, "What did you girls do today?"

I know he doesn't really like Nicky and Frieda but I'm not willing to hide them for his benefit, "Nicky and Frieda came over, we hung out for a while."

Now he gives me an almost pissed off stare, "You know I don't trust Nicky. Frieda is okay, but Nicky has always been trouble. That girl has been given everything for her whole life and she's determined to throw it all away."

"She's not that bad."

He looks even more pissed off but keeps eating. Piper excuses herself to go to the bathroom, leaving me and Desi alone.

"Alex, look at me."

His voice sounds softer than usual, and I look up from my plate, "I didn't mean to do that to you last night. Does it hurt?"

He has _never_ apologised before, it completely throws me off, "Does it matter?"

"Yes Alex, it matters."

"You shoved me into the fucking door as hard as you could, of course it hurts."

I hate the fact that he looks genuinely sorry, it won't last and I can't let myself get sucked into his manipulative bulshit. But fuck, it's not always easy.

"Do you want me to take you to the doctor?"

I shake my head, trying to will Piper back into the room.

"You know work has been tough lately, but things will get better."

I keep staring at my plate, I'm too afraid to look him in the eye at this point, afraid that I'll crumble. But I don't want to stress Piper out, I don't want her to see that look on my face. So I take a deep breath and pull it together just as she walks back into the kitchen, smiling at me as she sits down.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

Another week goes by and Irene has decided I should catch up with my mum, they're both coming to the house this afternoon. It will be the first time I've seen her since I started living here, and I'm so nervous.

I'm lying on the grass in the backyard with Alex beside me, but I'm apparently not doing a good job of hiding my feelings.

"Nervous about seeing your mum?"

I shuffle closer to Alex until my face is buried in her hair, and nod in reply.

"I'm sure she misses you Pipes."

"But I'm not sure I miss her, at least not this version of her. I mean, she was never the warm and fuzzy type, but at least we used to get along. Now it feels like our relationship is a total mess."

I feel Alex rubbing my arm, in the last few weeks I've learnt that she's actually incredibly sweet. We've been doing this ever since we first kissed a couple weeks earlier. We spend every day together, we sleep in the same bed some nights, we cuddle, we kiss, and I still don't know what it means. All I care about right now is having her next to me for support, that's what I need.

"What about your dad?"

Just the thought of him makes me cringe, "He finally came back home, but Irene doesn't think it's a good idea for me to see him yet. Maybe he's angry, I'm not sure."

"Don't let it get you down, and talk to me after."

I lean up on my elbow and look down at her, "Does that go for you too?"

"I think you've been spending too much time with Frieda."

I've also learnt that her defense mechanisms are fairly predictable, "Alex, I'm serious. I know Irene wants to talk to you after my mum leaves today. What's going on?"

"We catch up every few months to chat, that's all it is. She likes to keep tabs on me."

Now I really test the waters, I want to know how honest Alex is in her catch ups with Irene, "Have you ever told her about Desi?"

I hear a sigh, but at least she answers, "No, it's not that easy."

"Why?" I'm not wiling to drop this just yet.

"I don't know, can we talk about something else?"

I really want to keep pushing her for a real answer, but she looks almost sad right now, and I decide to let it go. I lie back down with my head resting on her shoulder and try to lighten the mood, "You know what? You should really be wearing sunscreen."

Finally, a smile spreads across her lips, and it instantly makes me happy, "And why is that?"

"Well, I don't know if you've noticed, but you're kinda pale."

She gently pushes me until I'm lying back on the grass and leans over my body, her face so close to mine, "Pretty sure that's discrimination, Chapman. Didn't they teach you about that at school?"

Now I'm sporting a ridiculously goofy smile, and I don't care, "Nope."

There are no more words, and she leans in to kiss me, but this kiss is different. It's longer, somehow deeper than all the others, it means something else.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

 _6 months earlier_

I can't concentrate on anything anymore, not even my school work. School used to be an escape for me, something I could focus on to the exclusion of everything else, but not anymore. Ever since I told mum that I caught dad cheating, everything has changed. She acts like she hates me, and her drinking has become more out of control than it used to be. I'm almost afraid of her now. I have no idea if dad knows what's happened, he's never here anyway. He's either working late or travelling, I think I've seen him twice in the last two weeks.

I'm thankful the school day is over and decide to walk home, partly because it's a nice day, and partly because it will take me longer to walk than catch the bus. The reality is that I don't want to go home, I don't want to be there anymore. But I'm not meant to talk about my feelings, I'm meant to go on pretending that everything is great. Trust me, I've tried to do that, I've tried so hard, but I can't do it anymore.

I finally walk through the front door and drop my school bag in the hallway. I head towards the kitchen where I run into mum, she looks like she hasn't slept in days.

It doesn't take her long to start talking, although I struggle to understand her words through the slight slurring, "One of your teachers called me today, your grades are slipping."

I look at her, but I'm not ready to say anything.

"Why are your grades slipping?"

I can't even gauge the tone of her voice, she's not angry, not sad, apparently just drunk, "Life hasn't been easy lately."

I'm surprised when she starts laughing, "Life hasn't been easy for you?"

"No mum, it hasn't."

She steps a little closer, but still keeps a tight grip on the counter, "It's not always about you Piper, my life has fallen apart, not yours."

There's no point arguing with her, so I stay silent, all I want is to get a drink and go to bed.

"Say something!" She screams at me and throws her empty wine glass across the room, it smashes on the wall right next to my face. I feel something pinch the side of my neck, then I feel the warm liquid, I'm bleeding. I just stand there looking at her, but it's like she's not even there, maybe she's given up.

She doesn't ask me if I'm okay, and leaves the room without saying a word.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

 _Present day_

Fuck, I really wish I could make Piper feel better. I know she's nervous about meeting her mum, but Irene will be there the whole time. As much as I've complained about Irene in the past, there's no doubt that she cares about us, and she won't let Piper's mum cross the line today.

But I've got my own issues to deal with right now. I can't wait anymore, I need to know if Diane's still out there, I need to know if she still loves me. I know a few of the bars she used to spend her time at, surely at least one person at one of those bars knows where she is. Even if I see her again one day and she tells me she doesn't want me anymore, at least I'll know. I plan to head out as soon as Irene leaves the house.

I keep telling myself that I'll handle it if she rejects me, but I'm not so sure that's true. The reality is that I'm afraid of what might happen if she rejects me, I'm afraid of what I'll do.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I feel like I'm at a fucking parent teacher night, sitting at the kitchen table with my mum on one side and Irene on the other. Mum doesn't look happy to be here, actually, she looks completely emotionless. Irene kicks things off, but the whole thing feels insanely awkward.

"Remember guys, this is a safe environment for you to start talking again. Carol, why don't you start things off?"

"I'm not sure what to say. How are you, Piper?"

Of course she doesn't know what to say. There's no apology, no mention of anything that happened. Just a genetic polite question, and she probably doesn't care about the answer.

"Okay I guess. Have you seen dad?"

"Yes, he's back home, things are much better now. Cal misses you."

Cal, I think he's the only one that cares about me, "I miss him too."

"Do you miss me?"

Well, that's a dangerous question, "I miss the old you."

"I'm not sure what that means."

"I miss the old you that didn't hate me."

"Piper, you can't honestly believe that I hate you."

I can feel the tears stinging my eyes, but I blink them away.

"What else am I meant to think? Ever since I told you the truth about dad you've treated me differently, you changed."

Here we go, the same controlled voice, the same indignant pose, she's not ready to admit any fault.

"Piper, that's simply not true."

Irene looks stressed, this obviously isn't how she wanted this conversation to go.

"Carol, why don't you tell Piper about the meetings?"

I assume Irene means AA meetings, and I know how ashamed mum must feel about it, "I don't want to hurt you Piper, I have started going to meetings, about my drinking..."

It makes me proud to hear her say that out loud, it's not easy for anyone, and I want her to know that. I reach across the table to take her hand but she pulls it away and into her lap. That one action _really_ hurts, someone recoiling from your physical touch feels like the ultimate rejection, especially when that someone is your mother.

I move my hand back into my lap and look down, I feel like I'll cry if I look at her after that. I'm not surprised when she gets up, she can't get out of here fast enough, "Well, it's been good to see you again dear. Irene, thank you for organising this. I'm sure I'll see you both again soon."

She smiles, but doesn't touch me at all, no hug, nothing. Irene leads her out of the house and gives me a sorry look, which makes me feel even more pathetic. I walk towards the bathroom, I need to compose myself before Irene comes back.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I'm brushing my teeth when Piper walks into the bathroom and closes the door behind her, she keeps rubbing her eyes, I assume things didn't go well with her mum. I rinse my mouth and take her hands away from her face so I can look at her properly, "Hey."

One tear slowly rolls down her cheek and I brush it away with my thumb, "Is your mum still here?"

She shakes her head and leans her face into my hand, closing her eyes, "Irene's waiting for you."

"Pipes, talk to me."

Her eyes are still closed, but at least she manages to speak, "She wouldn't even _look_ at me. She sat there for 30 seconds, wouldn't let me even hold her hand, then she left."

I kiss her on the cheek and hug her, it's the only way I know how to comfort her, because I know that nothing I say can make her feel better right now.

"She hates me..."

Fuck, I can't let her think like that, "Pipes, she probably just needs time. Addictions, they ruin people's lives."

"Is that what happened to your parents?" She asks in the most innocent voice, but those words cut through my chest.

"Yeah, pretty much," it's so hard to talk about, but I want to give her more than my usual shitty responses, "but someone being an addict doesn't mean they don't care about other people, even if it feels like that."

I can feel her sighing and her shoulders slump, and I keep standing with her, waiting until she's ready to move. I suddenly realise I don't want to leave her alone tonight, I can't leave her alone. I decide to delay my plans to try and find Diane, I'll spend time with Piper, then sneak out once everyone is asleep.

"Desi's working night shift, so how about we have a late night with pizza and movies? I'll even let you pick the movies."

She finally looks up, she's not quite smiling but the tears have stopped, she leans her forehead against mine with her arms around my neck, "That sounds perfect, please stay with me tonight."

I pull her in closer, "Of course, I'm not going anywhere."

Then I hear Irene's voice calling for me, "I gotta go talk to Irene, but we can order that pizza as soon as she's gone, he left us $20 on the kitchen table."

I go to leave but she pull me in for a kiss, and for a moment I completely forget about Irene and Diane.

"Thanks, Alex."

I can't wipe the smile off my face and I go to find Irene, who's sitting in the kitchen, while Piper goes up to her room.

"Hi Alex, where's Piper gone?"

"In her room, I think she needs some alone time."

Irene looks worried, "Okay, I'll talk to her once we're done here."

I immediately start fidgeting with my hands, I hate these catch-ups. It's not Irene's fault, it's just depressing, it's a reminder of the fact that my parents don't want me.

"It's been a while since we've caught up, how's everything going?"

I seriously can't be fucked with her usual questions, there's only one thing I want to know, "Have you heard from my mum?"

"No, sweetie, I haven't," she gives me the usual look of pity, "I've been trying to track her down, but she's not living with your dad anymore."

I don't care where my dad is, he could be dead for all I care, but my mum, I need to see her. Now that everything is falling apart with Desi, I need her more than ever. She always knew the right thing to say to me, no matter how high she was, I have to keep believing she cares.

"Okay..."

"I'm really sorry Alex, I know how much you want to see her. But you know how serious her issues are."

I nod and leave the table, there's nothing else I want from Irene. The whole conversation reaffirms that no one can help me find Diane, I need to do it myself.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

Alex keeps her word and let's me pick all the movies, and all I can think about is how sweet she is. The second movie finishes, and I'm lying on the couch with my head in her lap. She grabs the last slice of pizza and tries to shove it in my mouth, "Open wide Pipes."

There's always laughter when I'm with her, "Noooo! No more pizza, I think I might explode."

She shrugs her shoulders and takes a bite, "Your loss."

I'm so tired, and it sounds so childish but I don't want to go to sleep. I want to stay awake so I can spend time with her, but I can't keep my eyes open anymore.

"I think it's waaayyy past your bedtime Ms Champan, let's go."

"I don't want to sleep alone."

"You won't be alone."

Here we are, another kiss, more attention that I'm not sure I deserve but I want it anyway. I'm not sure how much longer I can stick to kissing, I feel like I'm missing out on so much more.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

It's nearly midnight by the time I finally work up the courage to leave Piper's bed. I slowly disentangle myself from her and slip on jeans and a t-shirt. I look at her lying in the bed before I step out, she's still very much asleep, and my aim is to be back here before she wakes up.

I assume Desi's still at work, it doesn't matter anyway, as far as he knows I'm in bed. I tip toe down the stairs in the dark but manage to run into something once I reach the bottom.

 _FUCK!_

"Where are you going?"

Of course he fucking catches me, fuck!

"Nowhere, I just wanted a drink."

He looks me up and down, "Do you expect me to believe that you got dressed and took your keys just to get a drink from the kitchen?"

All of a sudden I feel like a fucking idiot for doing this, but there's nothing I can do about it now, "Why not?."

He slaps me so hard across the face that my head snaps to the side and I stumble backwards. Even though it hurts, I feel vindicated for not letting myself buy into his apologies, his good moods never last anymore. Maybe he doesn't love me enough anymore, at least not enough to stop acting like this.

I'm holding a hand against my cheek to try and stop the stinging, "What happened to not wanting to hurt me, huh? You're such a fucking asshole!"

I push him with everything I've got but he doesn't move an inch and he grabs both of my hands to keep me still, "Stop provoking me!"

His stare bores into me for a few moments before he he lets go of my hands, I can't even tell if he's angry or sad. Whatever his emotions are, he starts yelling, "Remember what you were like when you first got here? You were a mess Alex, you were petrified of everyone and everything!"

I scoff, "Thanks for reminding me."

"How about you stop being such a brat and remember all the good things I did for you. I looked after you, I took you to the doctors because your back was covered in cigarette burns thanks to your junkie father. I put the cream on every single one of those burns every night so could get better."

I can't hold it in anymore, and all my rage and sadness comes spewing out.

"So why did you start locking me in the basement over night! Why did you start treating me like shit!"

That one question kills his momentum and he takes a step back. He doesn't look angry or sad anymore, he looks confused, "Life isn't easy Alex."

 **A/N**

 **Thanks for the reviews :) This story feels super different to write, so feedback is nice.**

 **I have a question for you - what are your thoughts on Piscatella in this story?**

 **Cheers.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

I feel like I've gotten so used to sleeping with Alex next to me, I don't know if I can sleep without her anymore. We fall asleep next to each other and she hugs me from behind. It's a dreamless sleep and it feels perfect, until I wake up to the sound of loud voices echoing through the house. I immediately reach over to the other side of the bed but it's empty, and now I'm scared. I run down the stairs in my shorts and tank top, and I see Desi and Alex standing at the bottom. It's so quiet now, Alex is holding a hand against her face with Desi standing across from her in silence.

I walk past him and go straight to her, "What's going on?"

Neither of them say anything as they share an uncomfortable glance, but I want an answer, "I heard screaming, what the hell happened?

Alex gives me a worried look, "Sorry Pipes, I didn't want to wake you up. Everything's fine..." Then she turns around and heads for the front door.

My body is frozen in place while Desi goes after her, each of his footsteps sending a thumping noise through the house, "You are _not_ walking out of here in the middle of the night!"

I force myself to move and follow them outside, all this drama makes it feel like I'm back at home arguing with my parents. Alex walks quickly and reaches the curb when he catches up to her and grabs her by the arm. I don't like the way he grabs her, but at the same time I don't want her to run off like this. I want him to keep her here, but I also want her to be safe.

This side of Alex is completely new to me, and it's scary. I'm almost upset that she just walked out of the house without giving me any explanation, but I try and push that aside for the moment. She's not acting like herself, and she lashes out as soon as he grabs her.

"Don't touch me!" She tries to struggle out of his grip but he's so much bigger than her, she's got no chance of getting away.

My chest feels tighter as soon a I hear her voice, it's full of fear. I rush towards them and try to calm her down, "Please Al, _please_ come back inside." She looks at me but her eyes are so vacant.

He's still got a tight grip on her arm and leans close into her face, whispering something in her ear. I can't hear the words but it infuriates her, and she starts to struggle against him even harder. Now I'm in two minds, do I help her run away or do I try convince her to come back inside?

 _He won't hurt her if she's with me, he can't. I can't protect her if she runs away, I won't know if she's safe..._

Now she's trying to kick him as he wraps his arms around her much smaller frame from behind. Everything's happening so fast and I don't know what to do, I can't tell the difference between right and wrong anymore. I'm standing right in front of them, trying to talk to her, but my voice is drowned out by their shouting. It's not much longer before she bites his hand forcing him to let go of her, but she trips when she tries to run away and stumbles into me. I try to catch her and we both end up falling to the ground. My body hits the ground first and she lands on top of me. At first I don't notice the back of my head hitting the curb, not until I try to sit up and feel instantly dizzy.

I can't quite see what's in front of me, but then I feel a familiar hand on my face, it's definitely her. I can hear her words through a thick fog, but nothing makes sense.

"Pipes, don't move, can you hear me?"

I let her hands guide me back until I'm lying down. Everything keeps spinning, but I'm comforted by the fact that she's here, she had the chance to run but she didn't. Slowly, her words start to sound further away, and I can't feel her hands on me anymore. My panic rises again and I worry about her. I don't want her fighting with Desi, it will only make things worse.

 _I only just found you, please don't do anything crazy and let them take you away from me_.

It takes a few moments but the dizziness slowly clears and I sit up. My vision comes back into focus and I realise the shouting has stopped, it's quiet again. I look around the front yard and see Alex lying on her back on the grass, her glasses no where near her. Desi is standing next to her, looking more relieved than anything else, but he's breathing heavily.

I'm so fucking annoyed that I have no idea what happened, no idea what the fuck he did to her. I stand up, still a bit wobbly on my feet, and walk towards them.

"Piper, you shouldn't be walking around," but I have no intention of listening to him.

I kneel down next to Alex, but she's not moving much. I look up at him, he's managed to catch his breath and doesn't look remotely concerned by the scene in front of him.

"What did you do to her?"

"You saw how she was behaving, she was completely out of control and nearly killed you in the process. It's all I could do to stop her from hurting herself and anyone else."

I'm annoyed that he hasn't actually answered my question, and because he's blaming everything on Alex. Okay, maybe she was acting out, but that doesn't mean he gets to lay a hand on her.

I take a closer look at Alex and my eyes widen. There's blood dripping from a cut to her eyebrow, her eyes are half open but she can't focus on anything. My breathing speeds up, and I have enough presence of mind to feel fear again.

She slowly manages to focus on me, "Pipes..."

I put a hand on her shoulder, and all I want to do is kiss her. It's the easiest way to let her know that everything's okay, but I don't. I lean in close to her to make sure she can see me properly, and to make sure she can hear me, "Don't move..."

I will not let myself cry in front of him, I refuse to let him know how upset I am. I'm afraid of what might happen if he found out how I really feel about Alex.

Desi kneels down beside me and helps her sit up, "Alright kid, take it easy for a minute."

She groans as he forces her to sit up and I rub her back, I can't even bring myself to look at him. He's the cause of all of this, but I can't prove anything. It's his word versus ours, not helped by the fact that he has a red mark on his hand from where Alex bit him. All of Alex's hesitations about talking to Irene make perfect sense, because she probably wouldn't believe us if we told her what really happened tonight.

It's like Alex has no fight left in her, and she lets him help her up and walk her back into the house. This whole thing is so wrong, and it's making me feel physically ill. I need to do something, anything, so I take out my phone and call Frieda.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

It's like a scene out of some crazy movie, I'm sitting at the kitchen table holding an ice pack to the back of my head while Alex sits across from me with blood still dripping down her face. Desi puts a glass of water in front of her, as though that will make everything better.

"We should go to the hospital."

He sits down next to me, "We can't do that."

"We don't have a choice!"

"Piper! It's been a bad night, but we're all okay. If we go to the hospital, I can't guarantee what will happen to Alex."

"Alex hasn't done anything wrong!"

"I caught her trying to sneak out, she attacked me when I tried to stop her. She already has a bad record, and I don't want to see her sent away."

This is pure manipulation, and he's doing it perfectly. No matter who gets involved, he's going to blame everything on Alex. I feel my phone buzz in my pocket, it must be Frieda. I suddenly feel the urge to protect her from him, to look after her.

"Well if we're not going to the hospital then at least let us go upstairs, there's no point in sitting here like this."

He doesn't try to stop me when I lead Alex upstairs and into her bedroom. We both sit down on her bed, and I immediately reach for her hand. I'm desperate for her to explain everything to me, but there's something else I need to know first.

"Are you okay?"

She doesn't say anything at first, and hugs me instead, I can feel her body relax in my arms.

"I'm okay."

She keeps hugging me, and I don't want to pull away. Then I hear her voice again, but now it sounds like she's talking through tears.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise, I just need to know you're okay."

She tightens her grip around my waist and I can feel her shaking in my arms. I kiss her on the cheek and keep holding her against me. I hate the fact that she's hurting so much and there's nothing I can do about it.

Her next words sound even more strained, "I just wanted to find my mum."

My heart breaks a little at those words. I don't know much about Alex's mum, other than the fact that she's a drug addict. But right now Alex sounds so desperate, and my brain is desperately trying to piece it all together.

"How were you going to find her?"

"I don't know, I was gonna visit some of her old friends, see if they knew where she was living."

I pull back from the hug, "Alex, that doesn't sound safe."

"I don't care."

"And I do care!"

I don't mean to shout, but it's so frustrating. It's like she's willing to take any risk necessary to find her mum, the woman that practically abandoned her. My anger is also selfish, because I want her to stay with me.

"Piper.."

"No, stop, just listen to me."

For a moment I wonder if I should keep going, but I need to get this off my chest, "I care about what happens to you, so you can't just run head first into some crazy situation."

She sighs heavily, "Piper, I care about you too, which is why I don't want to drag you into my shitty life."

She tries to get off the bed but I won't let her, "No, that's such a bulshit answer!

This time I don't stop her from getting up, and she starts pacing the room, "You have no fucking idea what my life has been like!"

"So tell me!"

All the shouting is interrupted by the slightest of knocks, and I turn to see Frieda clinging onto the outside of the bedroom window. Alex flinches as soon as she hears the noise. Then she turns around and sees her friend smiling from the other side of the glass.

I take a deep breath and try to reset. The last thing I want is to upset Alex, and I definitely don't want her to end up hating me, but I need to try and get through to her, "Don't get angry, I called her."

Frieda manages to slide open the window and climb in before Alex can say anything. She steps in front of us and drops her duffel bag on the floor, "Looks like you two have been in the wars."

Finally, I hear Alex's voice, "What are you doing here?"

"Now is that any way to treat an old friend?"

My voice is shaking now, I wonder if Frieda has ever seen Alex like this before, "You were hurt, he wasn't listening to me. I...I didn't know what else to do."

"Piper, you didn't need to call her."

"Really? Because you had everything under control, right?" I'm surprised when I see the smallest of smirks spread across her lips.

Frieda interrupts us again, pulls a small first aid kit out of her bag and forces Alex to sit on the bed with her, "Don't get mad at her for worrying."

"I'm not mad, I'm frustrated, tonight wasn't meant to go like that. Pipes, I never meant to hurt you, are you sure you're okay?"

Now I see the emotion come back to her eyes, and I start to feel bad for getting angry at her, "It's not your fault."

"Yeah, it is. All I do is fuck things up."

I know its been a bad night, but I don't like hearing her talk about herself like that. I'm relieved when Frieda breaks the tension.

"What happened to you Chapman?"

"Nothing, I fell, but it's not a big deal," I suddenly feel exhausted and kneel in front of Alex, resting my head on her legs.

She gently touches the small bump on the back of my head, "Do you still have a headache?"

"A little, but it's getting better."

I stand up and sit next to Alex, the blood dripping down her face has dried but it also looks like her cheek is bruised. I want to ask what he did to her out there, but not yet.

Frieda hands me the first aid kit and walks over to the drawers, "Alex, I know you don't wanna hear this, but it's time to tell someone what's going on."

Alex closes her eyes and squeezes my hand, "You need to help me find Diane."

"Alex.."

"Frieda, please, I have to find her."

"And what are you gonna do if we find her and she's in bad shape?"

"I don't know, I don't care. Come with me tonight, he won't check on us for the rest of the night. We'll be back by morning and he won't even know."

Tonight has already been crazy enough, I want Alex to stay right here with me. At least then I'll know she's okay.

"Al, no, not tonight."

She looks so agitated right now, I don't want to be the one to make her feel like that. I expect her to yell, but she doesn't.

"I can't sit in this house tonight. I need to get out of this fucking room."

Frieda finally turns back around and looks at us, "How about we camp out at the lake?"

I haven't been camping since I was a little kid, but I'll sleep anywhere if it keeps Alex calm.

"Yeah, okay."

"Great, I'm gonna go get some stuff together, including Nicholls. You guys clean up, and I'll come back soon. Piper, I'll text you when I'm downstairs."

"Thanks Freida."

She climbs back out the window and into the darkness, leaving me and Alex alone again.

I sit back next to her on the bed and open up the first aid kit. I pull out some swabs and start to clean up Alex's face. She winces as I wipe the cut in her eyebrow, "Sorry, I'm nearly done."

She smiles, and I gently put a small bandage over the cut. That familiar sense of urgency takes over me, it always happens when I'm this close to Alex, but it's more than that this time. With everything that I've experienced in the last year, I don't want this opportunity to slip away from me.

"Alex, I...I really like you. Please don't shut me out."

There's so much more I want to say but I dont. So much has happened tonight, and I don't want to freak her out.

"I like you too," then she leans in and kisses me. I open my mouth and sigh, letting her run her tongue over mine. This is definitely the most intimate kiss we've ever had. She pulls back and rests her forehead against mine, I feel like I can't breathe, like her touch is all consuming.

"Piper, I'm not close to many people, but I feel close to you. I know I shouldn't have tried to run off tonight, but I didn't think I had any other choice. I just...I didn't want you to know how fucked up my life really is. I wanted you to think I was good."

"Al, you are good."

"Sometimes I'm not so sure."

All my plans seem to disappear, and I let the words roll off my tongue, "Will you be my girlfriend?"

I'm not sure how to respond when she smiles, "Are you sure about that?"

"Yes..."

We keep staring at eachother until she leans in and kisses me again.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

Even after everything that happened with Desi earlier, tonight is starting to feel perfect, and I know it's because of Piper. I start to realise that when I'm with her, all the bad things fade away. Right now I don't care about the pain in my face, I don't care about all the bad things Desi said to me, none of that matters when I'm with her. Diane was the only other person that made me feel this good, which is why I need to find her.

Opening myself up to Piper like this feels so good, but also scary. I've just given her the power to break my heart.

I've never had a girlfriend before, I've never even had sex before. To be honest, me and Piper are so different in alot of ways, but it just works.

We make it to the lake and Frieda immediately starts getting a fire going while me, Piper and Nicky set up the sleeping bags.

Nicky pulls me to the side, "Frieda told me what happened tonight. He's a fucking asshole Alex, don't let him get to you, we've got your back."

"Thanks Nick, tonight scared the shit out of me, I know he's getting worse."

"Look, don't run off looking for Diane on your own, we'll come with you."

"I know, I just didn't want you guys getting dragged into my shit."

Nicky laughs, "It's officially too late for that. Okay, enough with the serious stuff, what's going on with you and blondie?"

"She asked me to be her girlfriend tonight. After all the fucking drama she's going through because of me, she still asks me that."

"Does that honestly surprise you?"

"Yeah, it does."

It's a real comfort when Nicky puts an arm around my shoulders, "Well it shouldn't."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

We've all been sitting around the fire for a while, taking turns at telling ridiculous ghost stories. It's so good to hear Alex laugh and see her smile, calling Frieda was definitely the right thing to do.

Alex and Frieda go to collect more fire wood, leaving me alone with Nicky.

"There's alot of things about Alex's past that you don't know about yet. It's taken her a long time to learn to trust people again. Just don't screw her over, okay?"

"I'm not gonna screw her over Nicky, I care about her."

"Okay then, good."

She starts stoking the fire and asks me another question, "Did you see what happened between her and Desi?"

"Only some of it."

"I really fucking hate him."

"I know."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

Nicky and Frieda have been asleep for the last hour, and me and Alex have been cuddling in her sleeping bag and talking. The combination of the fire and the sleeping bag makes her warm. She takes off her long sleeve shirt, leaving her in a black tank top and shorts. She lies back down next to me, and I start subconsciously running my fingers over the familiar scars on her back.

I'm about to close my eyes when I hear her voice, "They're from my dad..."

"What?" My voice is trembling, and I'm afraid of what she might say next.

"The scars, my dad did it to me."

Suddenly I'm glad that she's got her back to me, I don't want her to see the tears in my eyes, "How?"

"Cigarettes..."

"Al, I'm so sorry you had to go through that."

I hug her tighter from behind and kiss her neck. I can't believe her own father did that to her, the more I think about it the angrier it makes me. It makes me want to protect her even more, and I promise myself that I wont ever let Desi touch her again.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Two days have gone by since we slept at the lake, and Desi has gone back to pretending nothing ever happened. The bruise on my cheek looks worse, having turned a deep purple. At least the cut on my eyebrow doesn't look too bad, and Piper keeps insisting on checking it constantly. Piper also keeps sleeping in my room, I don't think we'll ever go back to sleeping separately. There's still a few weeks left of the summer holidays, and I'm determined to make the most of having this much alone time with Piper.

It's after midnight and we're lying in my bed. She's managed to wrap her arms and legs around me, and she can't stop herself from smiling.

I've got my arms wrapped around her and our faces are practically touching, "What's got you so happy tonight?"

I fucking love that smile, I can't get enough of it.

"Just you."

I smirk, but deep down I love the fact that I can put that smile on her face.

"Is that right?"

"Uh huh."

Her smile somehow manages to get bigger and I lean in to kiss her nose, and then kiss her on the lips. I'm pretty sure I could kiss this girl forever.

The night air is cooler than it should be, and I slip out of bed to close the window.

"Oh! Grab your sketch book before you get back into bed, you never showed me your drawings."

I grab the familiar black book from the floor and bring it with me. Piper pulls me onto the bed as soon as she can reach me. I practically fall on top of her, and now both of us are laughing.

"You're in trouble now Chapman!"

I straddle her lap and tickle her mercilessly. I don't actually remember the last time I laughed this much.

"Okay okay please stop!"

I lie back down next to her and drop the sketch book on her stomach.

"That was so not fair!"

"Oh trust me Pipes, it was fair."

She kisses me on the cheek before she sits up and starts looking at my drawings. I always keep it pretty simple, mostly charcoal and other black and white stuff. I used to always draw the places that made me feel safe. The book is full of sketches of the creek and lake, Nicky and Frieda.

"Al, these are really good."

She keeps flipping through the pages until she finds sketches that I haven't looked at in a long time. Seeing those pictures again makes me sad, but I try to push those feelings away.

"Who's this?"

"My mum..."

There's a few silent moments before she speaks again, "You look like her."

"Yeah..."

I'm grateful when she changes the subject.

"I haven't seen you draw much lately."

"Drawing was an escape for me, a way to forget about all the shitty things. But now with you...I don't feel like I need to escape as much anymore."

I feel so exposed, I'm not used to being this open with my emotions, but I want to tell her everything.

She puts down the book and lays me back down on the bed. I can't take my eyes off her as she lays on top of me and we kiss. Things get heated very quickly and I can feel an ache in the pit of my stomach. I run my hands through her blonde hair and pull her in as close as possible, kissing her harder and harder.

We're both breathing fast and my mind is a blur, until I feel her slipping her hands underneath my t-shirt.

I stop the kissing and grab her hands. We're both still breathing heavily, and I feel like such a loser, but fear has taken over me.

"Not yet."

 _Great move Vause. An incredibly sexy and amazing girl wants to fuck you and you stop her dead in her tracks! Not only that, she's also older and asked to be your girlfriend, fuck!_

I keep cursing myself internally, but there's nothing in her eyes but kindness.

"Shit, sorry. I just, I guess I got lost in the moment."

I try to look away but she won't let me, "Al, I don't care about the scars."

Those words make me feel like crying. I can't even bring myself to respond to her, I'm putting all of my energy into holding back the tears.

But she doesn't move, and instead of running away she kisses me on the cheek.

"The last thing I want is to make you uncomfortable, and I honestly don't care how long we wait. But you need to believe me. Alex, you're beautiful, and nothing's gonna change that."

I have no idea how to respond, I'm so fucking self conscious. But again, all I see in her eyes is kindness, and I believe every word that leaves her mouth.

"Sorry Pipes."

"Don't apologise Al," she puts a hand on my shoulder and rubs gently. Her touches are so soft, the complete opposite of what I've experienced for most of my life.

"I can't help it. I...I haven't done this before. And I hate the scars. And I know you've seen them before, but this is different."

I can't look her in the eye when I say that, but I want her to understand. I need her to understand.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

We've got the house to ourselves the next morning and I'm craving bacon and eggs. I feel bad after what happened last night, I never ever want to be the reason Alex feels uncomfortable. It's like she has no idea how insanely gorgeous she is, and I couldn't care less if she's a virgin, she's only 15. It's hardly like I've got heaps of experience in that department. I've slept with one guy, and it wasn't anything special.

But Alex is special to me, and I already know that sex with her will be amazing, whenever it happens. But I also know that she's ashamed of her scars, and I will do whatever it takes to make her realise that she's got nothing to be ashamed of. I need to find a way to convince her that no amount of scaring makes her any less special to me.

I've been hugging her from behind all night, her body is so soft snd warm. As soon as I snuggle up to her at night I feel so calm and fall asleep pretty fast. I start running my fingers softly over her arm and kiss her on the neck. I want to wake her up like this every morning.

A small sound slips past her lips, she's so cute in the mornings and I instantly smile.

""Morning Al."

She turns over in my arms and buries her face in my chest.

"Morning."

"How'd you sleep?"

"Mmhhmm, good. I love it when you stay in my room."

"I'm gonna make us breakfast."

She smiles and tries to snuggle in closer to my chest and tightens her grip on my body, "Not yet."

"C'mon Al, promise I won't burn your toast."

She laughs, "I know, but this feels so good, just a little longer?"

All she wants right now is to be held, so I pull her in closer and close my eyes again.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I eventually drag myself out of bed and Piper makes bacon and egg rolls for breakfast. I end up eating two rolls and feel completely stuffed and lead her to the couch. I sit at one end and she lies down with her head in my lap.

"Is your mum gonna visit again?"

She sighs, "I think so, I'm waiting for Irene to let me know. I don't know, I'm so confused. She was so cold the last time she was here, and she couldn't wait to leave. Now I'm not even sure I want to see her. I just want her to go back to being her old self, before everything got so messed up."

I know exactly what she means, and gently brush a few blonde hairs from her face.

"Are you still thinking about finding your mum?"

My muscles tense up as soon as she asks that, "Yeah..."

"Will you tell me next time you try to find her?

"I don't know."

Now she's sitting up, looking at me.

"You have to tell me, especially after what happened last time."

"I know, I'm just not very good at all this."

She shuffles closer to me, "What aren't you good at?"

"Talking."

She leans in and we share another kiss before she lies back down again with her head in my lap.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

We spend the rest of the morning talking and watching bad day time television.

When we realise it's almost midday we decide to go for a walk, when we hear a knock at the front door. Piper stays in the kitchen and finishes making us sandwiches while I go to check who it is. I don't even think as I open the door to see Irene standing on the other side. Her eyes are fixated on my face, and I realise she's wondering why the fuck I have a massive bruise on my cheek.

"Alex, oh my god, what happened?" She steps into the house and looks so worried, while I'm cursing myself for not getting Piper to answer the door.

I start stumbling over my words, I can't even come up with a good lie to tell her, "Uhhmmm, nothing, come in."

She walks in and I try to lead her to the kitchen, but she stops me straight away, "Hey, come on, you're not shrugging this off."

I don't know what to feel when Piper walks into the hallway and sees us standing there. Now Irene is looking between the two of us, and I know she won't stop until she has an answer, "Both of you, follow me."

We all end up sitting around the kitchen table, it's been a long time since I've seen Irene like this. She stares at me and Piper from the other side of the table, "Okay, which one of you is going to tell me the truth?"

But all she gets from us is silence.

"Alex, you either tell me what happened or you'll need to come back to the office with me."

"Nothing happened, we were at the creek and I lost my balance, I hit the rocks."

She keeps staring at me, and I know she doesn't believe a word I'm saying, "Alex, tell me the truth."

She looks to Piper, silently seeking an answer, but I don't give her a chance to respond, "Piper wasn't there, she didn't see anything. I came home and she helped me get cleaned up."

"And where was Desi during all this?"

"At work."

I can tell she doesn't believe me, but she also can't prove that I'm lying.

"And when does he get home tonight?"

"After dinner."

All three of us sit there staring at one another until Piper finally breaks the tense silence.

"I did a first aid course at my last school, I made sure she was okay."

There's more silent staring from Irene before she finally lets it go.

"Fine, but I'm raising this with Desi."

I nod along, making a mental note to tell him my lie about falling at the creek. I feel so stupid knowing that I'm basically covering for him, but it's not that simple.

"Okay, well, the actual reason I dropped by was to talk to Piper. Alex, can you give us a few minutes?"

I automatically stand but then I feel Piper's hand on my wrist, "No, she can stay."

I sit down and swear Irene has a weird look on her face, but she doesn't let it linger for long.

"Alright. Well, Piper, your mum called me this morning and asked if she could have lunch with you tomorrow. What do you think?"

It's not long before I see the color leave Piper's cheeks and she starts fidgeting with the salt shaker on the table.

"Tomorrow, that's quick."

"I know, which is why I told her I'd need to check with you first. We'll only do this lunch if you're comfortable with it. Don't feel like you need to say yes. Give yourself the aftermoon to think about it, I'll call you tonight. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, that's fine."

We both walk Irene to the front door, and of course she has a few final words for me.

"Tell Desi to call me when he gets home."

I give her my word and practically push her out the front door. She knows me well, she knows exactly how to deal with my behaviour, which is why she didn't bother pressing me for more details.

I lean my back against the front door and breathe a sigh of relief as soon as she's gone, "Fuck, that was close."

Piper steps in front of me and gently runs a hand down my cheek, "Maybe we should tell her the truth..."

All I can do is shake my head, "No, we can't, and you know why."

It's the truth but those words upset her, and she hugs me against the front door.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

It's not much longer before we meet Frieda at the creek and Piper is now fully freaking out over lunch with her mother. Me and Frieda are sitting against one of the old trees with our sandwiches while Piper paces in front of us.

"She barely acknowledged me the last time she came over, now she wants to have _lunch_!"

I let her go, she needs to get this anxiety out of her system, but Frieda is incapable of staying quiet, "Maybe she wants to make amends?"

"No, no no no no. Wasps don't make amends, they yell at eachother, drink, and ignore any real problems."

"Well at least the food will be provided. The last time my family ate together, my dad made me go hunting."

Piper lets herself laugh, even if it's just for a moment, "I think my mum would be horrified if I went hunting, and I'd probably suck at it."

"Chapman, there's one thing you're forgetting here, you don't need to say yes."

"But that's just it, I feel like I do need to say yes. I feel obligated to say yes."

"Pipes, you're overthinking this."

She finally stops pacing and throws her arms up in the air, 'So how do I stop?"

I motion for her to join us and she sits in between my outstretched legs.

"Your mum is trying to work out how to get you home and how to deal with her drinking. Her mind is gonna be totally messed up right now. She has no idea what she's doing, so she's trying different things until the results start to go her way. And lunch is an easy starting point. At least she's trying."

I can't help but feel bitter as those last words leave my mouth, Diane hasn't bothered trying in years.

"For once, Vause is right."

Piper leans back into my chest, I can feel her trying to relax. I wrap my arms around her and kiss the back of her neck.

"Irene will be there, and it'll be over in a couple hours. When it's done we can hang out, do what ever you want."

"Hey, Nicholls folks are away for the whole week. We should all meet up there after your lunch is over."

Frieda doesn't usually like hanging out at Nicky's place, she says it's too material, so I'm extra grateful for the suggestion.

"Frieda that's a fucking great idea. We can spend the night there."

"Will Desi let us?"

"Are you kidding me Pipes, after all the shit he's pulled lately, he won't say no. But he will insist on dropping us off and picking us up. Frieds, you want a ride?"

"Hell yes."

I squeeze Piper a little tighter and think about tomorrow night. Nicky's house is the ultimate freedom, no parents, full of expensive stuff, and plenty of alcohol. I can play pretend for one night at least, before I have to face the reality of my life again.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

Irene and my mum will be here any minute, and I feel like I'm gonna throw up.

I'm leaning my head over the toilet bowl trying to pull myself together, while Alex kneels next to me rubbing my back.

"Al, I don't think I can do this."

She's been so sweet all morning, I wouldn't blame her for getting annoyed with me soon.

"Hey, c'mon, try taking a few deep breaths."

I let her guide my body away from the toilet bowl until we're both sitting on the bathroom floor.

"I'll be upstairs the whole time, waiting for you. As soon as it's over, Desi is gonna take us to Nicky's place, and we can relax."

She tries to make it sound so simple, but it's not, "What do I talk to her about?"

Now I can feel her breath on my neck, it's comforting.

"Talk about the awesome new friends your making, talk about going back to school. Ask how your brother's going, and remember Irene's there too, she'll make it go by faster."

I rest my head on her shoulder and let myself think.

 _Two hours, it's just two hours..._

I'm shaken out of my thoughts as soon as I hear Desi calling for me, they must be here.

I get up and kiss Alex one more time, "Wish me luck."

"You don't need it, you've got this."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I stay in my room while Piper's mum is here, partly because I don't want to interrupt them and partly because I don't want to run into Irene. I'm about to start a new drawing when Desi walks into my room.

"Don't you knock?"

He sits next to me on the bed, "Cut the attitide okay. Irene spoke to me about your cheek, she's worried."

But all I can do is scoff, "I already told you, she thinks it happened at the creek."

"That doesn't stop her from worrying about you. She thinks you're getting into fights with the kids from school."

"Whatever, you and I both know that's bulshit."

Now he's visibly irritated, and I keep reminding myself not to fall for his shit, "How many times do I need to apologise?"

I don't say anything, there's no point.

"Answer my fucking question Alex."

"Honestly, I really don't care, just leave me alone."

Now I feel his grip on my arm, not enough to leave a bruise, but still enough to hurt.

"How about I tell Irene about your plan to sneak out in the middle of the night to find your junkie mother?"

"You don't get it Desi, I don't care anymore. Do what you want, you'll make sure she thinks I'm the bad guy either way."

He lets go of my arm and stands in front of me, "What happened to the kid that said I love you every day?"

"I dunno Desi, probably the same thing that happened to the guy who said he'd always protect me."

I know I've hit a nerve and he leaves the room, but I won't let myself cry. I won't ever let myself cry over him ever again.

I need to calm down and decide to chill out in the backyard. I make my way downstairs quietly, I don't want to disturbe the lunch. I head into the downstairs bathroom to wash my face and run straight into Carol Chapman, and all I can smell is alcohol.

 **A/N**

 **Hey folks, thanks for the continued support on this story. The story line is heavy, but I still want to show their more intimate moments together, and how they're growing closer. We're also getting closer to meeting Diane.**

 **Cheers.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

I really fucking hope that I'm wrong, I hope that she hasn't come here after she's been drinking.

"Mrs Chapman, hi, I'm Alex."

I play nice and we shake hands, it's all very polite, but I don't miss the annoyed look in her eyes.

"Alex, yes, Irene's mentioned you."

We stand there for a few moments in the most awkward silence until Irene comes along looking flustered.

"Carol, is everything okay?"

It's obvious that Irene knows something isn't right, I just hope Piper doesn't know.

"Of course, Alex and I were just getting to know each other."

 _Getting to know each other? The woman barely spoke two words to me before going silent._

I follow Irene's eyes, they're fixed on the older woman's handbag.

"Mind if I take a look?"

"Yes actually, I do."

It's a complete standoff. Carol doesn't need to show Irene anything, but by this point it's pretty obvious she's been drinking.

"Carol, I'm just looking out for Piper, that's all I want to do."

"You're not a mother, and you have no idea what's best for my daughter."

Carol storms past us, clutching the bag close to her side. Irene goes after and I can't help but follow, I need to be there for Piper.

Carol heads straight for the front door and barely acknowledges Piper on the way.

"I'm so sorry dear, looks like we'll need to reschedule."

But Piper's not one to stay silent, and grabs Carol's arm before she can open the front door.

"What the hell are you talking about? What about lunch?"

Piper steps closer to her mother, her eyes demanding an answer.

She gives her daughter an apologetic look, "It's just not a good time dear."

I hate the look on Piper's face, she looks devastated. Even though they've had lots of issues, I know how badly Piper wants to fix the relationship with her mother. She wants to be able to go home eventually, but that idea seems to be getting further and further away.

"Don't lie to me! Don't you want to fix things? Do you even care about what happens to me?"

Carol doesn't have the heart to answer, and Piper doesn't have the energy to stop her from walking out.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I can feel how uncomfortable she is, I know that feeling. That feeling where you wish you could melt into the ground and disappear, not have to deal with anything or anyone. Except that's not possible, short of running away it's hard to avoid human contact.

It's hard to know what to do when people are this up upset, but I feel like it's even harder when its someone you care about.

I decide to take the passive approach, "Do you wanna talk?"

Her words are like an involuntary reaction, her body's attempt at getting rid of the poison, "She couldn't get through one lunch with me, without a drink."

We're sitting on my bed and I draw her in closer to me. I've seen the worst of addictions, what it does to people, which makes it even harder to watch Piper struggle with this.

"Pipes, it's not that simple. I'm not saying what she did was okay, but it wasn't about you."

I let her cry, she needs to get it out, then maybe we can talk. But right now she needs to cry. We end up lying on my bed, she's lying on my chest, the crying has nearly stopped. The thing is, once you've cried this much, once you've let out all that pain and energy, you've got nothing left. She starts to fall asleep, and I take the opportunity to go see Irene.

I let my body automatically guide me through the house until I find Irene sitting at the kitchen table. I sit across from her and wait.

"How's Piper?"

"Not great, she just fell asleep."

The older woman finally looks at me, eveything about her face shows exhaustion. She does a job that most people don't want, looking after kids like me and Piper. And I know she must be hurting right now.

"What happened isn't your fault, Piper isn't angry at you."

She tries to smile but can't quite pull it off, "Thanks sweetie."

I don't mind the silences between us, but I still feel bad for her.

"Do you know where her mum went?"

"I have no idea, she won't answer her phone. Do you think Piper is up to talking to me?"

I feel a wave of protection wash over me and shake my head. Piper is emotionally exhausted, and I want her to rest.

"Seems like you two have become pretty close. Do you spend a lot of time together?"

"What do you think? It's the summer holidays, we live in the same house, and both of our families are fuck ups. Plus, she's not anywhere near her old friends. So yeah, we spend a lot of time together."

I don't mean to come off sounding like a brat, but neither do I apologise.

"How's the face?"

I keep rubbing my thighs, as though it'll get rid of all the tension.

"Fine."

"Did someone hit you?"

I slam my fist onto the table, "No!"

She doesn't even flinch, she's seen it all before from me. She should be angry by now, but she keeps her cool. I know she's only asking because she cares.

"Alex, I'm just looking out for you. Believe it or not I actually care about you."

"I get it, I'm sorry. I'll go wake up Piper."

I'm starting to feel trapped sitting at that table with her. I know she won't leave until she's spoken to Piper, so I figure we might as well get it out the way now.

I walk into my room and see Piper still fast asleep on my bed, hugging my pillow against her chest.

I sit next to her and put a hand on her shoulder, "Pipes, Irene's still here."

It takes a few moments but she finally opens her eyes and looks at me. Her eyes are so red and puffy, which makes me more determined to protect her.

"I don't want to talk to her, please tell her to go."

"What if we talk to her together?"

Piper squeezes her eyes shut and grips my pillow even tighter, "Please don't make me go down there."

I don't have the heart to force her to do anything, "Okay, maybe try and sleep for a while. I'll go talk to Irene."

She grips my hand before I can walk away, "You have to come back."

I lean down and kiss her on the lips, before I head downstairs to talk to Irene.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

There's only two weeks left of the summer holidays, I need to start trying to find Diane now. Desi will be watching me way more closely once school starts.

Nicky's parents are finally gone and we're all sleeping at her house, and I really want Piper to have fun tonight.

We're all camping out in the ridiculously huge lounge room, and I can see that Piper's impressed by the house.

"Nicky, this house is amazing."

"Yup, my parents wanted to make sure it was big enough so we'd never have to see each other."

There's a bitter sweet truth to that statement, but no one says anything.

Frieda starts ordering way too much pizza and I pull Piper down into my sleeping bag. I just want to see her smile, she hasn't been herself since what happened with her mum on the weekend.

"Wanna join me in my sleeping bag tonight?"

The faintest of smiles crosses her lips, I'll take it.

"Hmmm, I'm not sure. What if I say no?"

I pull her in a little closer, "Then I'll be sneaking into yours."

She kisses me, and it doesn't take Nicky long to noticed

"C'mon Chapman, I know Vause is hot all but you need to tear yourself away so we can drink!"

Piper blushes slightly, which I find completely fucking adorable, and we all sit around the coffee table while Nicky pours out scotch and cokes for everyone.

"Good work Frieds, nice single malt selection."

We all clink our glasses and start drinking. I'm not a big drinker, but it's hard to not get carried away when Nicky's folks are out of town.

Piper takes a few sips and I can see her relax more once Nicky puts on some music.

"Pipes, don't feel like you have to drink, they won't care."

"I know, but I want to."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I find myself sitting at the edge of the pool with Nicky, with our feet in the water. It's such a beautiful summer night, I think I could sleep out here all night and be perfectly content.

"So how are things with you and Vause?"

Thinking about my relationship with Alex makes me smile, "Really good, we just click."

"Yeah, I can see that."

"But the whole Desi situation is killing me, she doesn't deserve any of it. I've tried to convince her to tell Irene but she won't. Now I'm scared that she's pegging all her hopes on finding her mum. I don't know, I just want her to happy and safe."

"That's all she wants for you too, I don't think you realise how much she trusts you. Alex has always been there for me, through the good and the bad times, I got her back, and yours."

"I'm starting to understand how much she trusts me, she told me what her dad did to her."

"Which part?"

"The scars on her back. How the fuck could someone do that to their own child..."

"I don't know. Not many people know about that, she never talks about it. Now you can start to understand why she hates him so much."

I keep trying to work out how Alex survived all these horrible things when I hear quick loud footsteps and shouting coming from behind me. I turn around just in time to see Alex and Frieda running towards us, pushing me and Nicky into the pool and jumping in after us.

I feel Alex's hands around my waist once we're both in the water, "Sorry Pipes, I couldn't help myself."

"Alex you scared the crap out out of me!" But I'm talking through my own laughter.

Both of us are distracted by Nicky screaming before we can say anything else.

"Frieda you fucking asshole!"

"It's time for you to embrace the outdoors Nicholls!"

Alex swims behind me and wraps her arms around my waist, pulling me against her chest.

 _How does her body still feel so warm in the cool water?_

I feel her breath against my ear before she moves her hands any further, "Is this okay?"

"Alex, you know it is."

I want her to know that I trust her completely, and I'm more than happy for her to put her hands wherever she wants. This is a part of that sweetness she has, that underlying caring nature that she tries to keep hidden from the world, but she shows it to me everyday.

I can see her smile from the corner of my eye and she slowly glides her fingers under my shirt, leaning her chin against my shoulder. We stay like this and watch Nicky try to dunk Frieda under the water without much success.

Eventually we all calm down and stay floating in the pool. Alex has stayed behind me the whole time with her hands around my waist. I'm so comfortable and I feel so free in the water, so I lean back my head on Alex's shoulder and close my eyes. I feel her lips press against my temple and I sigh, this feels amazing.

Of course, Nicky doesn't let me keep my eyes closed for long.

"No way blondie, you're not allowed to fall asleep yet! It's movie time."

We all make our way out of the pool, still fully clothed and dripping wet. We peel off the outer layers of clothes and head inside to the three separate bathrooms.

I end up standing next to Alex in the downstairs bathroom. We followed each other here, as though it's inevitable that we would shower together. But we seem to simultaneously realise that this is the first time we will see each other naked, so we stay still, almost like we're silently asking for permission.

I feel like it's my responsibility to take the first step, not only because I'm older, but also because I know how self conscious Alex is about her body.

"I can go to a different bathroom if you'd rather be alone."

She doesn't hesitate in her response at all, "No, stay."

We each pull off the remaining layers of clothing until there's nothing left. I take all of it in, I don't want to miss anything. There aren't any scars on the front of her body, just perfect pale skin. She starts the water in the shower and we both step in. It's not until I'm standing under the warm water that I realise how cold I was. She silently hands me a bar of soap and turns around so I can wash her back.

I can see eveything, all of the scars that run halfway down her back. I take the soap and start running it over her skin, over every single one of those scars. I don't want to think about how much each one of them must have hurt, and I find myself hating her dad even though I don't know him.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I do end up crawling into Alex's sleeping bad in the middle of the night. Nicky and Frieda have fallen asleep in the lounge room watching movies, and I find Alex with her sleeping bag on the back lawn, but she's still awake.

"Mind if I join you?"

She unzips the sleeping bag and invites me in, zipping it back up once I'm pressed up against her.

"Why are you out here?"

"I dunno, it's kinda nice out here, you?"

"I was looking for you."

We just lay there under the stars, we didn't need to say anything. I started to close my eyes until I heard her voice in my ear, "I need to talk to you."

I open my eyes and role over so I'm looking at her, "Everything okay?"

She looks nervous, so I reach out under the sleeping bag and grab her hand, she takes a deep breath but she won't look at me, she keeps looking up at the sky.

"There's only a few weeks left of summer holidays, I need to try and find my mum. It'll be too hard once we're back at school, Desi will be watching me like a hawk."

Now my heart's racing. I know she's doing exactly what I asked her to, I begged her to tell me when she was going to look for her mum. I didn't want her to go out on her own, I didn't want her to get hurt, I still don't want her to get hurt. But that's the thing, maybe I can keep her safe if I'm there, maybe I can stop her from getting physically hurt, but I can't stop the emotional hurt. She's pinning so much hope on finding this woman, like it will make everything better again, but that's a fantasy. I feel like no matter what we find, Alex will be the one who ends up getting hurt.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

"Chapman, you need to be prepared for what might happen if she finds Diane."

I'm having breakfast with Nicky and Frieda the next morning while Alex is still sleeping. I told them about Alex wanting to find her mum, and I need some serious advice.

"What do you mean?"

"What she means is the woman is a junkie."

"Okay thanks Frieds, but it's not as simple as that."

This whole conversation is making me nervous, the only addiction I've ever had to deal with is my mother's. Sure, it's not pretty, but it's not the same as what I've been told about Alex's mum.

"Piper, have you ever seen someone on drugs before?"

"No."

"I didn't think so. It's not a pretty sight, and Diane has been doing drugs for a long time."

I'm starting to feel completely out of my depth, "So what do I do?"

This is the most serious I've ever seen Nicky, she seems a lot more sympathetic towards Diane than Frieda.

"Your job is to make sure Vause doesn't lose her mind."

"Which is exactly why she shouldn't be doing this in the first place!"

"Fuck Frieda! She's gonna go looking for her with or without us. You of all people know there's no changing her mind on this."

Frieda moves to the centre of the room, "Look Chapman, this is what you need to know. Diane never protected Alex, ever. She might not have abused her directly, but she never stopped it! The woman could be dead for all we know, and Alex is living in a fantasy land where they're gonna play happy families again!"

Now I'm really starting to wish I could talk Alex out of this, but that seems almost impossible. But it also makes me wonder, how can she forgive her mum for never protecting her?

Frieda is full of anxiety right now, but only because she's worried. I can see how much she cares about Alex, and how worried she is about what will happen. It's not clear why Nicky is so much more forgiving of the whole situation. Maybe it's something she's had to deal with in her own life, or maybe this is her way of convincing herself everything will be okay.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

The following weekend comes so quickly, and I can't stop Alex, she won't wait any longer to find her mum. I never told her about my conversation with Nicky and Frieda. It's not like I want to keep secrets from her, but I also don't want her to end up hating me.

She's already got it all planned, sneaking out of the house while Desi is asleep, and heading to a couple of bars her mum used to frequent. It's such a flimsy plan, but there's so much desperation in her eyes.

"Al, you have no idea if she still goes to any of these places."

"I don't care, I have to try."

She keeps telling me to stay home but there's no way in hell that's happening. I'm not letting her go out alone, I can just imagine the type of people that hang out at these seedy bars.

I stop her before she opens the window for us to climb out, "Hey, how are you feeling?"

Her eyes look around the whole room before she finally looks at me properly, "Nervous."

"Are you sure you're ready for this? What if we don't find anything?"

She puts her hands on my shoulders, "Piper, I know what you're doing. I promise you, I'll be okay."

I don't believe any of it, but what choice do I have? I follow her out the window into the dark night. We climb down the side of the house and into the yard, walking over a few streets before I order us a cab into the city. She grips my hand in the backseat of the cab, her palm is sweaty and she can't stop fidgeting in her seat. She's nervous, so am I.

We end up outside one of the shittiest looking bars I've ever seen, and I pay the cab driver in cash. This is the third bar he's taken us to, and I'm exhausted. Alex has promised me this is the last one, that we'll go home if she's not here.

There are some tables scattered out the front, mostly occupied by men. Men with tattoos, drinking beer and smoking. Fuck, I hate the way they're staring at us, but it doesn't seem to phase Alex, who goes straight to them.

"Hey, I'm looking for someone that used to hang out here a while back, Diane Vause?"

The group of men keep staring, "How old are you kid?"

"Look, I'm not here to cause trouble, I just need to find Diane. I'm not trying to buy alcohol okay, please, do you know where Diane is?"

The guy that's speaking keeps looking Alex up and down, it makes me so uncomfortable and I can feel myself starting to panic.

"What the hell do you want with Diane?"

"She's my mum..."

Those three little words change the look on his face, like he can't quite believe it, and it's obvious that he knows Diane.

"You're Diane's kid?"

"Yeah.."

"Fuck."

The men keep looking at each other, eventually one of them stands up and nods for us to follow him. To be honest, I was really hoping we wouldn't find her. I was hoping this would be our last stop for the night and we could go home. But that's not the case, and we're about to walk into something that neither of us are ready for.

The stranger leads us through a series of hallways at the back of the bar until he stops us and opens the door. I can hear how fast Alex is breathing so I grab her hand and lead her into the room. I'm scared too, but we've already come this far, we might as well find out what's waiting for us. The guys walks away and leaves us standing there, and I lead us into the small dark room.

"Mum?"

I look around the dark room, at least there's no one else in here. The woman Alex is talking to is lying on a filthy looking couch, and she can barely keep her eyes open.

I stand back and let Alex lean down, I can't believe this is her mother. I mean, I knew she was a drug addict, but this image is so confronting. Then I realise that this was probably normal for Alex growing up, it's so unfair.

"Mum," Alex is louder this time and gently shakes the woman's shoulder. I'm surprised when she starts to stir.

Eventually I hear a broken voice through the darkness, "Ally..."

"Yeah, it's me."

Diane can't even manage to get sit up on her own, Alex helps her and then sits next to her.

"Baby, you shouldn't be here."

I can hear the tremble in Alex's voice and all I want to do is pull her out of here, but I can't. Nicky and Frieda were right, she needs to see this for herself. But I'm so fucking worried that seeing this will break her.

"I needed to see you, it's been two years..."

I don't need to see her face to know that she's crying, I can hear it in her voice.

"I'm so sorry baby, I thought I was doing the right thing. I never wanted to hurt you."

"Do you still love me?"

That tips Diane over the edge, she lets a few tears go and hugs Alex.

"Oh Ally, I never stopped loving you. You're the only thing left in this world that I do love."

"Then why did you leave me?"

Diane forces Alex to look her in the face, "Because you deserve so much better than me. I couldn't protect you from your father, but I can protect you from me."

"I don't want protection from you. Mum, please, I really need you right now."

Diane hugs Alex again and I have no idea what to think about any of this.

"Baby, I'm no good, and they got you living with a nice family. They're better for you ..."

Alex erupts with anger, and Diane looks shocked. To be honest I don't think she can keep up with the sudden movements.

"He's not nice mum! He treats me like shit!"

Diane can't even stand up, and beckons for Alex to sit down again.

"Where the fuck have you been for the last two years?"

"I had to get away from your dad, and I tried to make sure you'd never have to see him again."

Diane doesn't tell Alex where she's been living, but I'm not sure it even matters. By the looks of it she's gone from living with one drug dealer to the next.

"But I still needed you, and you fucking disappeared!"

"I'm so sorry baby, I'm so sorry. I thought you'd be better off without me."

"Well I'm not! I needed you and you fucking gave up! You don't give a shit about anyone but yourself!"

I feel like Alex is teetering on the edge, and I slowly put my hands on her shoulders, with Frieda's words constantly running through my mind.

"Ally, I love you so much, I don't expect you to ever forgive me."

I keep my eyes fixed on Diane, she still can't stand up and it looks like she's struggling to keep her eyes open. My only thought is that I need to get Alex out of here now.

"Al, maybe we should go."

I'm not sure Diane even realises I'm here, but she manages a few more words before we leave that small dark room.

"Come back tomorrow Ally, please come back..."

 **A/N**

 **Okay, so I'm not entirely happy with the whole Diane scene, but I was never satisfied with anything I wrote, so decided to role with it.**

 **Let me know your thoughts...**

 **Cheers.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

I feel slightly less anxious when we get home, managing to sneak back into Alex's room without Desi waking up. I honestly don't know how to feel about meeting Diane, she was a complete mess. She is no where near being able to take care of Alex or anyone else.

Alex and I are both lying on the bed still fully dressed, she's hardly said a word since we left Diane. I intertwine our fingers until she's ready to start talking.

"I'm so fucking confused, I don't know how to feel about any of it."

I squeeze her hand a little tighter and wait for her to keep going.

"I can't believe we actually found her tonight. She's been an hour away from me for two fucking years, and she never tried to reach out. How am I meant to feel about her?"

She turns over, looking at me for an answer, "I don't know, it might take a long time to figure that out."

"Please don't tell Nicky and Frieda about tonight, not yet. I'm not ready to answer their questions."

I nod, "Lets try and get some sleep."

We need to at least get a few hours of sleep if we're going to see Diane again tomorrow. We get ready for bed and slide underneath the covers, Alex wraps her arms around me from behind while we both try to find sleep.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

Here we are again, standing outside the same shitty bar as last night, going to see my mum.

I've been gripping onto Piper's hand ever since we left the house. We caught the bus into the city this time, after Desi left for work. I've hardly spoken to him at all lately. I still miss the old him, I miss all the good times we used to have together. The old Desi was the best parent I'd ever had. But now he was a monster, and I'm left clinging onto the idea of Diane.

We end up in the same room as last night, but at least now Diane isn't completely off her face. She's sitting at a table in the corner of the small room. She looks so tired, but her eyes still light up when we walk into the room.

I let go of Piper's hand and hug Diane, this feels more real than last night.

"Alex, you've grown up so much, you're beautiful."

She kisses me on the cheek and that's all it takes for me to finally relax in her arms.

 _So this is what it feels like to hug your mum..._

"I'm so sorry I wasn't in good shape last night baby. I didn't want you to see me like that."

I suddenly feel like snapping back with a smart ass comment, but I stop myself and take the opportunity to properly introduce Piper.

"Mum, this is Piper, my girlfriend."

She doesn't bat an eyelid and goes to shake Piper's hand.

"It's lovely to meet you Piper."

We all finally sit down at the small table. There are a few moments of silence before I let myself ask all the questions that have been eating me alive for the last two years.

 _Did you leave dad?_

 _Where have you been living?_

 _Why didn't you want me?_

 _Do you even care about me?_

I know it's alot for her to take, and she does her best to answer every question.

Yes, she left my dad, she has no idea where he is, or even if he's still alive. She's been living with her main drug dealer for the last six months, and before that she bounced around between friends houses.

But she struggled when it came to talking about me.

"Alex, of course I care about you. I love you more than anything else."

"Except heroin, right?"

There it is, I said it, and now she's fighting back tears.

"I'm sorry Alex, it's just not that simple."

"I've spent the last two years wondering why you abandoned me, why I wasn't enough for you. Why you let me stay in the foster system."

Now I'm holding back my own tears and I feel Piper squeezing my hand. I'm so thankful she's here with me, she's the only thing keeping me grounded right now.

"I thought you'd be better off without me. I know I'm a fuck up, but it's so good to see you. How have you been?"

I don't want to sugarcoat any of it, "Shitty."

"Do they still have you at the same place? I thought you liked it there?"

I shake my head, I'm not ready to talk to her about Desi, I'm not ready for her to know the truth about him.

Diane reaches out and grabs my hand, I completely freeze. I don't want to make it so easy for her, but at the same time it feels so fucking good.

"Alex, seeing you again, it's made me realise how much I've missed you."

 _Fuck..._

I want to snap back, but I don't have it in me.

"I'm gonna get back in touch with Irene."

"She hasn't been able to find you for a long time."

"I know, I didn't want anyone to find me. I've carried around a lot of shame for a long time. I know you don't have any reason to believe me, but I want to keep seeing you. Is that okay?"

It's like I've lost the ability to speak and just keep nodding.

She seems to notice I'm done talking and turns her attention to Piper.

"How do you know Alex?"

"We both live in the same house."

I catch the change in Diane's eyes, the realisation that if Piper is living at the same place, her family is messy too.

"How about we go get some lunch?"

That suggestion is enough to get my heart racing, "I don't think I'm ready for that, can we stay here?"

She smiles. I didn't see it often, but I remember every part of that smile, it hasn't lost its warmth. We stay in her small room for a while, trying to catch up on the last two years, but she never gives up much detail about her own life.

I'm almost starting to feel comfortable when a guy that I don't recognise walks into the room, "Diane, they're ready for you."

Now it's gone back to feeling awkward, and I don't like the way this guy is staring at her. His eyes are cold and he has dark greasy hair.

"I gotta go baby, do you have a number I can call you on?"

I give her Piper's number before we head back outside. I need a distraction, so we make plans to meet up with Nicky and Frieda at the lake. We head home first, only because I thought Desi would be at work, but we find him in the kitchen making a sandwich.

"Hey girls, I was wondering where you'd gotten to."

He seems to be in a good mood today, but I keep reminding myself not to fall for it, it's only a matter of time before things get heated again.

"I was thinking of cooking you girls dinner tonight, it's been a while since we ate together."

Thank god Piper finally speaks to him, "That sounds nice, what time?"

"Let's say 7 o'clock. That gives me time to pick up a few groceries on my way home from afternoon shift."

Piper gives him an obligatory smile while I stay silent, and he's not about to let that go unnoticed.

"How's it going Alex?"

"Fine..."

"Any special dinner requests?"

"No. C'mon Pipes, we'll be late meeting Frieda and Nicky."

He stares at me as we walk out of the kitchen, almost looking sad, but I know it's not genuine. I can't let myself forget that he's never genuine anymore.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

The rest of the summer holidays feel so hazy. I go with Alex two more times to visit Diane, and she sends the occasional goodnight text message. Each visit gets a little more relaxed, but Diane still doesn't talk much about herself, and she still hasn't called Irene.

She's not a bad person, but I'm still worried that she'll break Alex's heart. If she was really serious about becoming a part of Alex's life again, she would've called Irene by now. Part of me wants to raise it with Alex, but I never do. I don't want to push her too much, plus things are still so rocky with my own mum. She wants to organise another lunch but I told Irene I wasn't sure, I still don't trust her. I was so hurt and upset after the last time I saw her, I don't know if I have the energy to let her upset me so much again.

It's the first day of the new school year, and I'm happy for the distraction. I've never been to a public school before, but it's okay so far. It gives me an opportunity to get lost in some of my favourite subjects like English and History, and it gives me a distraction from home life. But I am not happy about Alex skipping her last class of the day with Nicky.

"Alex, this is a really stupid idea. What if the Principal calls Desi?"

She smiles and makes me feel like I'm overreacting. But I've seen what Desi can do, and I know that Alex will be the one that gets hurt if he finds out she's skipping classes on the first day.

"Pipes, I promise it's fine. Why don't you come with us?"

"No, my life is fucked up enough as it is, and so is yours! Would you please just come to class?"

This is the first time I've felt proper anger towards Nicky. She's not the one that has to live with Desi, and she has no idea what he'll do to Alex if he catches her.

"Don't worry blondie, I'll take good care of her."

I'm fuming inside when Alex kisses me goodbye and walks off the school grounds with Nicky. I end up letting them go without saying anything else.

 _Why does she have to take these sorts of risks when life is already so messy! I'm the one that will be left to pick up the pieces if something goes wrong, not fucking Nicky._

I head back towards my locker to get my books for the last class of the day, English. I start walking down the ling hallway when I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"Hi, you're Piper right?"

I turn around to see a middle aged woman with short brown hair and a slight accent.

"Uhhh, yeah, and you are?"

"You can call me Gloria, I'm the school counsellor, Gloria Mendoza. I was hoping we could have a chat?"

I'm not overly surprised that the school counsellor wants to talk to me, but I'm not looking forward to it. I'm starting to feel like I'm permanently marked, like my life is so messed up that every adult feels the need to make sure I'm okay.

"Sure, but what about class?"

"I've already spoken to your teacher, she doesn't mind if you're a little late."

Well, this woman seems to really want to talk to me, and I follow her to what I assume is her office.

The furniture is super dated and the room has one tiny window, it almost feels like a dungeon. But at least the smile on her face is starting to look more genuine.

"I won't take up much of your time, I just wanted to make sure I introduced myself to you today. I know you're going through a rough time right now, and that you're living with the same carer as Alex Vause."

 _Fuck, of course she knows everything about my fucked up life..._

"I just wanted to let you know that you can always come talk to me, that's what I'm here for."

"Okay..."

I manage to lose the ability to speak while I try to work out how much she knows about me and my family.

"Are you getting along with Alex?"

"Yeah, we get along really well."

That answer seems to satisfy her.

"That's great to hear, Alex is a good kid."

 _Please just let me go to class..._

"It's okay Piper, you don't need to be nervous in here. You can head back to class. I'll walk with you if that's okay? I wanted to catch Alex before the day is over."

 _Fuck fuck fuck fuck!_

Now I have a very clear choice to make. I can either let this woman try to find Alex only to realise she's cutting class, or I can be honest with her.

"No, wait!"

I step in front of her before she can walk into the hallway, of course she looks at me like I'm insane, and I try to find the words to explain myself.

"I...Alex..."

 _Spit it out you idiot!_

Gloria starts to look worried and closes her office door again, we both sit down.

I take a few deep breaths and try again, "Alex isn't here, but you can't tell anyone."

"Piper, I can't ignore it if Alex is cutting class."

Now I start to freak out, "You don't understand."

"No I don't, so perhaps you could explain it to me?"

 _Fuck_

"Alex will get into a lot of trouble at home if she's caught."

"Piper, I'd expect her to be disciplined about something like that."

"No, I mean, it would be really bad."

Now she's paying attention to me, and I'm panicking that I'm about to screw things up for Alex.

"What kind of bad?"

"Just, bad."

 _Please please please just let it go..._

Her gaze is really boring into me now, "You tell Alex to come to my office before her first class tomorrow morning, okay?"

I nod and practically run to class. I need to talk to Alex after school, she needs to start being more careful.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I figure Alex and Nicky are at the creek, so I head straight there after school. I haven't seen Frieda all day, I could really use her help right now.

The bus seems to take forever, I'm starting to feel so impatient, and I get even more annoyed when the girl sitting next to me keeps trying to start a conversation.

"Hi, Piper?"

I give her a brief sideways glance before I go back to looking out the window, "Yeah."

Her voice is way too bright and happy for the first day of school, "I'm Polly, we have English together."

"Okay, yeah, nice to meet you."

I turn back to the window hoping she'll take the hint that I don't want to talk, but she keeps going. She's talking about classes, her family, people at school, and I don't care about any of it. I give her the occasional smile and nod, but no amount of my apathy seems to be enough to put her off.

"I get off at the next stop, how about you?"

"Last stop, down Lester Street."

"Holy shit! You live in the same house as Alex Vause?"

Of course she knows which street Alex lives on, and the fact that she lives with a foster parent. I can practically see the judgment dripping from her voice, making me even angrier.

"Yes, is that a problem?"

I start to feel the slightest pang of guilt because the old me, and my old friends, probably would've made the exact same judgement, but not anymore. Now I've become the person being judged, the kid that comes from a broken home and has been thrown into the foster system.

"No, it's not a problem. She's just a little weird, and you're totally different to her."

"I'm really not, I'm exactly like her."

I'm so relieved when she finally stops talking to me and gets off the bus, probably with the intention of telling her friends how weird I am. Whatever, people like her don't matter to me anymore, I'm not like her anymore.

It's finally my stop and I get off the bus and head straight towards the creek. I keep replaying my conversation with Polly over and over in my head. No wonder Alex doesn't trust people, they don't give her a chance. I'm not saying she's perfect, but at least I know where I stand with her, at least I know she's genuine.

I eventually find Alex and Nicky sitting at the edge of the creek, throwing rocks into the water. I walk up next to Alex and she immediately pulls me down for a kiss, making it hard for me to stay angry at her.

"Hey Pipes."

"Hey..."

"What's up?"

Here we go, "You almost got busted this afternoon, you need to be more careful."

I'm expecting her to tell me I'm overreacting, but she stays surprisingly calm. Maybe she's scared too after everything that's happened lately.

"What happened?"

"Ms Mendoza was looking for you."

I don't know why, but I don't want to tell her what I actually said to the counselor.

"Fuck."

"She wants you to go talk to her tomorrow morning before class. Seriously Alex, please promise me you'll start being more careful."

Now she has a worried look on her face, maybe she's actually thinking about what might happen if Desi caught her cutting class.

Nicky starts to talk, but I'm not interested in her excuses, "Piper, we've been doing this for a while.."

"I don't care!"

I'm so annoyed at both of them and storm off, I need time to cool off, away from everyone else. Alex runs after me and grabs my hand, "Hey, I'm sorry okay, but it doesn't need to be a big deal. I promise I won't do it again."

"How the fuck can you stand there and tell me it doesn't need to be a big deal? Or have you forgotten what he did the last time he was mad at you?"

I can't read the look on her face anymore, "I haven't forgotten."

"Then why take such a stupid risk!"

"Because I'm fucking sick of being scared all the time!"

Now she's the one that walks away from me, and I let her.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I spend the rest of the afternoon at the lake with Nicky, she tells me I should go talk to Piper again but I don't. We both need time to cool off. I'm not stupid, I know I shouldn't skip class, but I also don't care. Piper is completely consumed by everything that could go wrong, but it doesn't need to be that way. Not everything will end in disaster, hell, sometimes life can even be fun. I know she's worried about me, but I want her to learn to relax, there are still some good things left for us in this world.

I get home right on time before dinner and walk into the downstairs bathroom to wash my hands. I hear Desi's footsteps behind me and decide it's time to start being nice to him.

"Hey Desi, is Piper home yet?"

"No, she's with her mother."

I spin around and meet his stare, "What? Why?"

"Her mum wants to make amends, they're having dinner with Irene tonight."

I'm kind of upset that Piper didn't tell me any of this, even if she is angry at me about school. I dry my hands and go to leave the bathroom, but Desi is still blocking the way.

He looks down at me, "What the hell makes you think it's okay to skip class on the first day of school?"

 _Fucking Mendoza!_

It's so easy to slip back into my own routine when Piper's not here, I hold his stare and say nothing.

"You have the chance to make something of yourself, but you're determined to throw it all away. I'm starting to think there's nothing I can do to stop you from turning out like your mother."

That comment makes me more angry than it used to. Seeing Diane lately, being able to talk to her, I know she still loves me, I can feel it.

"You don't know anything about her."

He _almost_ laughs, "I know more about her than you do. I know that she abandoned you without a second thought, yet you seem to think she's some sort of fucking angel."

"She's still my mum."

He's still blocking the doorway, I don't want you fight with him. All I want is to lock myself away in my bedroom, but even my silence seems to be driving him nuts tonight.

"We've hardly spent any time together lately, Alex. We used to do a lot together."

Here we go, it's his familiar attempt at trying to make me feel guilty, and I step right into the trap.

"That was before you started hating me. My mum might be a junkie, but at least she never hated me."

There's that familiar grip on my arm and his hot breath in my face.

"You don't exactly make it easy to love you."

He's never said anything like that to me before, and any last shred of rational thought is gone.

"Fuck you!"

It takes him less than a second to start dragging me towards the basement. He hasn't locked me in the basement since Piper started living here, and I feel the panic in my chest. The basement never used to bother me that much, but now the idea of spending the night down there is making me feel nauseous. It doesn't matter how much I fight against him, we keep getting closer to the basement door.

I'm trying so hard to get a grip on my breathing, "Please don't make me stay down there."

He stays completely silent and leads me down those fucking stairs, stopping half way.

"You're spending the night down here, and you'd better be ready to apologise to me in the morning."

I don't know why I keep pushing him, maybe because I'm trying so hard to hang onto the last pieces of self belief that he hasn't managed to destroy.

"I will _never_ apologise to you."

The glare in his eyes is the last thing I see before he pushes me down the rest of the stairs.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

Ringing Irene when I got home was initially a way to distract myself from Alex, but it turned into so much more than that. I end up agreeing to see my mum tonight, and Irene promises she'll be there the whole time, she promises it won't be like last time. We end up going to Irene's office so we're on neutral ground, I don't want to admit it, but it ends up being nice.

Irene's presence made it a bit more clinical, but I think it made mum more comfortable. We managed to talk for almost 30 minutes without fighting. She even manages to smile when I talk about school, I don't remember the last time she smiled at me. We decide to go out for desert before everyone goes home, and I walk out of Irene's office with the slightest glimmer of hope.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

It's dark when I open my eyes, of course he didn't bother turning the fucking light on. I sit up on the concrete floor at the bottom of the stairs, the back of my head is throbbing, I'm too scared to touch it. I manage to stand and walk up the stairs, the door is locked.

Piper isn't here, I have no idea when she'll be back, which pretty much guarantees that he'll leave me down here all night. I can't stay down here in the dark, I already feel like I'm suffocating.

 _Piper was right, you fucking idiot!_

I slowly walk back down the stairs and towards the small window in the back corner. I decide I can squeeze myself through, but it'll be tight. I grab an old hammer that's probably been lying down here for years, and drag a chair over to the window so I can reach it. I take a huge swing and the hammer easily smashes through the glass, I clean up the edges as much as I can so I won't get cut on the way out. Then I wait, just in case Desi heard the noise, but nothing happens. I pull myself through the window and spend a few moments lying on the grass, appreciating the cool air on my face.

I need to keep going, there's only one place left for me to go. I'm running on pure adrenaline at this point, and walk over a few streets before I manage to wave down a car that's willing to drive me into the city. Piper would label this as another unnecessary risk, but I figure the damage has already been done. I eventually find my way back to the shitty bar where Diane lives. The guys out the front know who I am now and let me walk through, so I navigate my way down the familiar dark hallways until I open the door to her room.

Thankfully she's alone, and she seems relatively sober, at least sober enough to be surprised by my presence.

"Alex, baby what are you doing here?"

My head is throbbing and I find myself on my knees is that small room. She drags me to my feet and over towards the couch where we sit down. I touch the back of my head, fuck it still hurts so much, and my fingers are now covered in blood.

"Shit!"

She practically runs out of the room and I take the chance to lie face down on the couch. All the adrenaline that got me here is disappearing, and all I wanna do is fall asleep.

I'm half asleep by the time she gets back, "C'mon baby, you're staying with me tonight."

I don't even realise I'm crying until I feel her hands helping me sit up.

"Alex, look at me. I'm gonna take care of you okay? But I need you to come with me."

I do my best to steady my breathing and she walks me down the dark hallway into another room. This one has a double bed and a small basin in the corner. There's a middle aged guy standing in the corner of the room and I start to panic again.

"Alex, it's okay. This is Bobby, he's gonna let us stay in here tonight, but you need to let him take a look at your head."

It's like I've lost all sense of myself and the panic has taken over, "Don't leave me alone with him!"

This Bobby guy is standing right in front of me the next time I open my eyes. His voice is gruff, "Fuck Diane, what the hell is wrong with this kid?"

I push myself away from them and stumble backwards until I end up on the floor again, and now everything is spinning. I have no idea if it's because of my head or my panic. I'm too scared to open my eyes, but I can still smell her perfume next to me, I can still hear her voice.

"It's okay baby, it's okay, I'm not gonna let anything bad happen to you. I work with Bobby, I promise he won't hurt you. I just need you to let him look at your head, we gotta make sure you're okay."

I notice the feeling of her hand on my chest, and all of it starts coming together. Her touch, her promise to protect me, I've been craving it for so long, and in this moment I let myself believe all of it. She helps me up and I sit on the bed, letting this Bobby guy look at my head.

"This is a pretty decent knock kid, what happened?"

There's no point hiding anything anymore, "I fell down the stairs."

There it is again, the feeling of her fingers grasping mine, "Alex, who did this to you?"

"Desi..."

She can't quite believe it, "What?"

"Please mum, I can't go back there."

She doesn't say anything and wipes away my tears, "We're gonna fix this baby."

That assurance from her means everything to me right now, even if it's a lie, I don't care.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

Irene drops me home later that night, "Piper, I'm really glad you gave tonight a chance."

"Me too, that's the most we've spoken in so long."

I lean over the gearbox and hug her, I really do appreciate everything she does for me, even if things don't always work out. She promises to call me tomorrow and I walk back into the house with Alex on my mind. I want to talk to her about earlier, I want to apologise for getting angry, but I can't find her anywhere.

I find Desi sitting on the couch watching TV, acting like everything is normal, "Piper, how's your mum?"

"Uhh, really good actually, Irene just dropped me off. Is Alex home?"

"She should be."

"I can't find her."

His mood changes quickly and he gets up from the couch in a huff, swearing under his breath. He doesn't even bother checking her bedroom and immediately goes into the basement. He walks back up a couple minutes later, "Fuck!"

He grabs his car keys and walks out the front door, "You call me straight away if she comes home."

I assume he's gone to find her but I have no idea, all I can focus on is why he went looking for her in the basement. I start texting Frieda while I wait for his to drive off.

P - Is Alex with you?

F - Nope, she's not with you?

P - No, I've been with my mum and Irene all afternoon. I just got home and Alex isn't here. I'm really worried.

F - Is Desi home?

P - Yeah, he's really angry, he's gone out to look for her. She wouldn't run away for no reason.

F - Have you called Diane?

P - Shit! What the hell am I meant to do if she's with Diane?

F - We both know Alex wouldn't have run off for no reason, I'm coming over.

Frieda's right, there's no way Alex would've run off without a damn good reason. Now I can't stop worrying about all the bad things that could've happened, and what will happen to Alex when she gets home.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I'm lying in the bed while Diane is in the hallway talking to someone. It takes a while but she eventually comes back. I worry that I've gotten her into trouble, but I didn't have anywhere else to go.

I feel the bed shift as she sits next to me, "Hey baby."

"Hey."

"How do you feel?"

"I'm sorry if I shouldn't have come here." It's like I suddenly realise that I have no idea if she even wants me here, or if I'm just getting in the way.

"Alex, don't pull away from me now, I'm glad you came here, but you need to tell me what happened."

I breathe a sigh of relief when her phone starts ringing, I don't know how to tell her about everything with Desi. I stay lost in my own thoughts until she hands me the phone, "It's Piper, I think you'd better talk to her."

Fuck, she wasn't ever meant to know about tonight.

"Hi Pipes."

"Where the hell are you!? Is everything okay?"

"I don't know how to answer that question."

"Al, you're scaring me."

"Can you come here?"

"No, he's out there right now looking for you! He'll call the cops or something if he comes home and I'm not here."

"Pipes, he won't find me."

"That's not the point! What the fuck happened tonight?"

"I'll tell you everything once you get here."

I can hear her sighing, and I know she's not coming, "It's too risky Al, you don't understand how pissed he is. He might not even go into work if he can't find you. Maybe you should call him, at least let him know you're safe."

Anger, all I feel right now is anger, and I take it all out on Piper, one of the very few people in this world that give a shit about me.

"I'm not calling that asshole!"

"What do you expect me to do Alex!"

I think about it for a moment, I can't tell anymore whether or not I'm being unreasonable. I sit there in silence and Diane takes the phone from me.

"Piper, it's Diane. Can you send me Irene's number? I think it's time for me to call her."

 **A/N**

 **Okay, so, that was a heavy chapter. I know this story in general has been heavy going, but there will be lighter moments. There was always going to be a breaking point, and now it's hit. Things are starting to look a little better for Piper, but things are getting worse for Alex. Rational thought and behaviour has gone out the window, and Alex has put herself in an extremely vulnerable situation. Now it's all down to how Piper and Alex connect with each other.**

 **Love to hear your thoughts.**

 **Cheers.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

I snatch the phone away from Diane before things go any further, "No way, you can't call Irene!"

Diane's looking at me like I'm insane, and my yelling has caught Bobby's attention as I see him standing inside the doorway.

"Come sit with me Alex, we need to talk about what happened tonight."

"No we don't! Why can't you just let me stay here tonight? I'll be gone in the morning."

She slowly steps towards me, "You can't go home if it's not safe."

"I never said I was going back there."

Now she starts scratching her arms, and I know exactly why, I'm obviously getting in the way of her next hit.

"Alex, you can't sleep on the streets. All I want to do is talk."

I don't know what I expected her to do tonight, but everything inside me is saying one thing, run. I walk up to Bobby, I need to get out of this fucking room, "Let me out."

He ignores me and looks to Diane for an answer, I don't bother turning around to look at her.

"Alex, I'm not letting you walk out of here like this."

"It's not your choice!"

Now for the first time since we've reconnected, she yells at me, "It is my choice when you come to me like this!"

I'm so tired, I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

"Trust me kid, I know what it's like to be angry at the world, but it doesn't get you anywhere in the long run."

"I'm not ready to talk to Irene."

"You'll never be _ready_ Alex. None of us are ever ready for those things, we do the best we can."

"Not tonight, please not tonight."

"Baby, it has to be tonight. I can't let you go home if this man is hurting you."

So I give in, not because I agree with her, but because I'm stuck. The whole night is my fucking fault, I've treated Piper like shit, and now it's gonna end with a phone call to Irene.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

It's another hour before Irene gets here, I have no idea what I'm meant to say to her. I'm still sitting in the same room, and look up to see Diane and Irene walk in together.

Diane stays near the doorway while Irene sits next to me on the bed, "Sounds like you've had a rough night."

"Something like that."

"Don't be angry with your mum for calling me. She's worried about you, so is Piper."

"Have you spoken to Piper?"

"Yeah, and she's really worried about you."

"What about Desi?"

"Why don't we talk about Desi later. I want you to come home with me tonight."

"I need to see Piper."

She brushes the hair from my face but I still can't bring myself to look at her.

"I promise we'll see her tomorrow."

Now my voice is starting to crack under the sheer strain of the whole night, "Please, you don't understand."

"Alex, I understand more than you think I do. When we leave here I'm taking you to the hospital to make sure you're okay. Then you're coming back to my place."

"Please Irene, I need to see her."

I let go and lean my head on her shoulder, but all I get in return is silence. The next thing I hear is Diane's voice cutting through the thick silence.

"What if you drop me and Alex off at the hospital, I can stay with her while you get Piper. I can guarantee that girl won't sleep tonight anyway, you might as well let them see each other."

Irene contemplates the offer for what feels like forever, "I don't know."

"Irene, I'm not high, I'll look after her while you go get Piper."

There's a few more moments of silence before Irene finally gives in, "Okay, but you can't run away again Alex. I'm barely keeping control of things with the Department right now, your case will be out of my hands if you run away again."

She looks at me, silently asking for my agreement to not cause any more trouble.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

The car ride to the hospital is agony. All I know is what Irene told me on the phone, that Alex is okay but she needs to spend the night in the hospital. Desi still isn't home when Irene picks me up, I have no idea where he is or if Irene has spoken to him, I'm too afraid to ask.

Frieda is still in my room when I leave, I promise to text her as soon as I know what happened to Alex. Frieda has some serious stamina, her presence alone makes me feel calm. But it's not only that, it's because she's genuine, because I can see how much she cares about her friends, and I know she's already done a lot to help Alex.

I lean my head against the cool car window, we're not far from the hospital now.

"Are you sure she's okay?"

"Piper, I wouldn't lie to you about something like this. I promise she's okay, she just wants to see you."

"Do you know what happened to her?"

"Not really, just bits and pieces. All I care about tonight is keeping her calm, and you."

I'm so anxious when we get to the hospital, I hate these places, especially after the last 12 months. Alex has already been admitted, and a young nurse leads us down the never ending stark hallways to her room.

I'm so desperate to get to her, I need to see her.

She's lying in the bed sleeping while she waits for the doctors. Diane is sitting in a chair next to the bed, flipping through s magazine that must be at least 5 years old.

Even though we barely know each other, she gets up as soon as she sees me and wraps me in a warm hug. She takes one look at my face before she starts reassuring me that Alex is okay.

"She's just exhausted sweetie. It took a lot of convincing to get her to lie down, but she was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow."

The conversation between Diane and Irene is much more tense. It's obvious that Irene cares about Alex, and it feels like she doesn't trust Diane after disappearing from Alex's life for so long.

"Thanks Diane, what did the doctors say?"

"They did some scans before, someone will come soon to give us the results and stitch up the cut."

Even with all the talking, Alex hasn't stirred at all.

"You can leave whenever you need to."

"I'd like to stay, if that's okay?"

Diane sounds hurt, but I can't blame Irene for feeling protective over Alex.

I don't want to get in between them, so I sit on the bed next to Alex. She's lying on her stomach, with her hair spread out over the pillow, still in her jeans and t-shirt. I can see the blood in her hair and the dark circles under her eyes.

A young woman wearing a white coat walks into the room, she must be one of the doctors. She seems to know Diane and introduces herself to me and Irene. Alex has finally woken up, and looks at me first before the doctor keeps talking.

"Hi Alex, it's Dr Peters again, but you can call me Sally. Your scans look normal, but I still want you to stay overnight."

Alex closes her eyes and clenches her jaw, which doesn't go unnoticed by the doctor.

"It's just a precaution. You're only 15 and you took a very hard knock to the head."

Alex finally opens her eyes again, "Yeah, okay."

"Great, now it's time to stitch up that cut. Do you guys mind waiting outside for a few minutes?"

I'm about to get up and follow Diane and Irene out of the room when I feel Alex grab onto my arm.

"Can Piper stay?"

"Sure," Dr Peters keeps looking between me and Alex, and I'm pretty sure she can see the panic in Alex's eyes. I'm so confused, I'm angry at Alex for not being more careful, but I'm so relieved she's okay. I don't want to be away from her while she's hurting, but I need to find a way to get through to her.

Diane and Irene leave the room while I help Alex move from the bed and sit in one of the chairs. It's the simplest of gestures, but feeling her physically lean on me to keep her balance, the understanding glance we share, it makes me feel better.

Dr Peters wheels over a small tray with bits of metal instruments and bandages. I move my chair and sit in front of Alex, and she automatically grabs my hand.

"Are you still having bouts of dizziness?"

Alex looks to me, it's like she's trying to decide whether to tell the truth.

"A little."

"That's perfectly normal, but it's even more reason to keep you in here for observation. You might keep having symptoms for a few days. Like I said, you hit your head really hard, your brain needs time to recover."

I squeeze Alex's hand tighter and start running my fingers over hers. I know she'll do anything to leave the hospital early, and I'm already making a mental plan to make sure she stays.

"Okay Alex, they did a pretty good job of cleaning this when you first came in, so I'll start with a numbing injection. You'll feel a small pinch but it won't hurt too much."

This is definitely the most vulnerable I've seen Alex, and she squeezes my hand hard as the injection goes in. It takes me a moment to realise that I've put my other hand on her leg to try and comfort her more.

"It's okay Al."

I see Dr Peters put the needle down, "The injection is done, are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah..."

"You're doing well Alex. Now I'll clean the cut again and do the stitches, I think you'll need about four."

Alex keeps squeezing my hand while the doctor finishes up. I don't say anything, too scared that I won't be able to stop myself from talking once I start.

"We're all done here Alex."

"Thanks."

Diane and Irene come back into the room just as Alex is getting into the hospital bed.

"I'll get one of the nurses to give you more pain relief in another hour. You're head, neck and shoulders will be sore for a while. I want you to take it easy, no sports or anything like that."

And just like that Dr Peters is gone, leaving the rest of us to deal with the awkward silence filling the small room.

Irene gives me a sympathetic look, "C'mon Piper, I'll take you home."

Irene hasn't said much to me about what will happen with Desi, I assume she'll tell me more on the drive home. But neither of us can say anything before Alex snaps, her voice is pure desperation.

"Are you kidding me? She can't go back there!"

Irene looks beyond exhausted, I doubt she has the energy for another outburst from Alex right now.

"Alex, that's not your decision to make."

"You know she's not safe there!"

Irene takes a deep breath, "She will be safe Alex."

"No she won't! You have to listen to me!"

Now Irene's exhaustion is slowly giving way to anger, "No Alex, you need to listen to me! We could've avoided alot of this if you'd come to me instead of running away tonight. How many times have you run away in the last 5 years?"

Alex stays silent, but the desperation is still in her eyes.

"More times than I can even remember Alex! I'm doing my best to look out for you, but I need some honesty from you, I need some effort."

Alex still doesn't say anything, and now I'm the one getting aggitated. After _everything_ that happened tonight, why is she still holding back the truth?

I'm not willing to stay silent anymore, and I don't care how much Alex hates me for it.

"The truth is that Desi's an asshole! He's been treating Alex like shit for months! I've seen him slam her into a wall, I know he's hit her! But she's been too fucking scared to say _anything_!"

For a split second I feel so much lighter, then I notice the shock in the room, no one knows what to say.

"I don't know what happened tonight, but I can guarantee it was his fault. He's the one that did this to her, he's the reason she ran away tonight."

Irene slouches down into one of the chairs and starts rubbing her eyes, "Fuck..."

I think this is the first time I've ever heard her swear.

Diane takes a step towards the bed, "Alex, is that true?"

She shrugs her shoulders, she looks ashamed and it kills me.

"Yeah..."

Irene stays slouched in the chair, "So that's why you don't want me to take Piper home tonight."

"Can't she stay with you?" Alex seems determined to keep ignoring the situation as much as possible.

"Yes, I'll take her back to my place tonight, but that's not the point. We're all exhausted, why don't we try and get some sleep tonight, and start talking again tomorrow."

Irene has hit a wall, and the only thing that will help is sleep. I hate having to leave Alex here in a shitty hospital bed, but I also don't want to push Irene over the edge.

Irene gives Alex a sympathetic look, "We'll be back here tomorrow."

I look back and see the tears in Alex's eyes, making it so much harder to walk out of that room.

"I'm sorry I fucked up so much, I'll tell you eveything, I'll do whatever you need me to do."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

Irene and Piper leave the room, and I'm not ready to acknowledge how upset I am that Piper didn't say a proper goodbye.

Now it's just me and Diane, who sits on the edge of my bed.

"Mind if I stay?"

"I don't care."

I'm too angry, too upset to be rational right now. I don't want to talk to Diane or Irene, I want to talk to Piper. I know I've made an absolute mess of everything, but she's the only one I want to explain myself to. I know Irene's angry at me for not telling her the truth, but it's not that easy. It's not like I decided to keep quiet because it was the easy way out, it's just the only thing I know how to do. It's not just about fear or shame, it's about not wanting to forever be that kid that keeps getting abused. I'm the one that's forced to wear that label, no one else.

"I've fucked up everything with Piper."

"No you haven't sweetie, that girl cares about you, alot."

"How do I make it right?"

That question seems to throw Diane, maybe because she's never done a very good job of making things right.

"You be honest with her, don't keep secrets from her, tell her you love her."

"What?"

 _What the hell did she just say?_

"Don't you love her?"

I have no idea how to answer that question. Love has always felt so far beyond my reach, I never let myself fantasize about it.

"How do you know if you love someone?"

"You just know sweetie."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

Diane stays with me for the whole night, it's so surreal to me that she's here. She's still asleep in the chair as Irene and Piper walk into my room the next morning.

Irene has never lied to me, but I'm still surprised that she came back. She puts a hand on Diane's shoulder to wake her up so they can talk in the hallway, leaving me and Piper alone.

She smiles and walked towards me, she sits on my bed and puts her hand on top of mine. There's so much I need to say to her, I need to get it out.

"I really fucking hate how much I've upset you. I only ever wanted to protect you, but things got out of control."

She keeps looking at me, but she seems a lot more serious than when she first walked in. I'm so scared that she won't forgive me.

"All I know is that I need to be around you."

She starts running her fingertips up and down my arm, "After the last couple of days, you did whatever you wanted and completely ignored me, it felt like you didn't really care about what I was thinking."

"That's not true."

"How am I meant to know that?"

"Pipes..."

"No, you need to listen to me. Things are hard for me too right now, and I need you. You can't just run off and do whatever you want, you need to start caring more about what happens to you."

I never thought of it like that before, which makes me feel weird. There's this person sitting next to me that's asking me to keep it together so that I'm around for them. My life is starting to feel less disposable, and I didn't even notice until right now.

"I don't think anyone's ever needed me that much before."

"I need you to be around Alex, and maybe that's completely selfish, but I can't help it."

I'm afraid that I'm falling in love with her, it's been on my mind ever since Diane mentioned it last night. I'm scared because loving her will change everything, it will give me the power to hurt her. I'd never hurt Piper on purpose, but I've got a pretty shit track record. Even though I want to be the one to protect her from all the bad things, I want to be the reason she smiles, I'm scared that won't happen.

I shuffle over in the bed and pat the empty space next to me, trying to will Piper to lie down with me.

She smiles again and slips into the bed next to me, resting her head on my shoulder and wrapping her arm around my stomach.

She exhales slowly, "This is nice."

"It's perfect."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I'm about to get a drink from the small kitchen down the hallway from Alex's room when I hear voices. Diane must still be here, and she's having a heated chat with Irene.

"Now you try and tell me those kids don't love each other. It doesn't matter how young they are, all that means is that their feelings are even more intense. You can't tell me you don't see it?"

"I see it, but I'm worried about it. They're still kids Diane, kids that have been through hell. They're seeking out the comfort in each other that they haven't gotten from the adults in their life."

"I know I haven't been there for Alex."

"Diane, that's an understatement! You abandoned that girl, and I don't think she can take it again."

I stay hidden on the other side of the door. Don't get me wrong, I like Diane, but I'm glad Irene is letting her know how much she's hurt Alex.

"Legally, I can't let her stay with you, not even overnight. You don't exactly live in a kid friendly location, and you're still using."

"I really wanna kick this Irene."

"I know, but Alex is my top priority. I can recommend some good programs for you. You can have supervised visits with her. You don't understand what you disappearing did to her."

I poke my head around the corner and see the two women staring at each other. It's like Diane can't even process that statement, and completely changes the topic.

"What about Piper? Is she any closer to going back home?"

"Not really..."

"She's such a sweet kid, she's stuck by Alex's side. Will she stay with you?"

"I don't know, that's not up to me. Her mother was extremely abusive for a long time, she can't go back home anytime soon. It'll be up to the Department if they let her stay with me or send her back to Desi."

"How the hell could they send her back there?"

I'm thinking the same thing, how can they force me to live with the person that put Alex in the hospital less than 24 hours ago. Besides being worried about my own safety, I'm more worried about how Alex will react.

I can hear a long sigh from Irene, "I'll do everything I can to make sure that doesn't happen."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I used to like being alone, but now I've grown to hate it. Well, it's more accurate to say that I hate being away from Piper. I'm lying in the hospital bed staring at the ceiling, waiting for her to come back, when my mind starts to wander.

Why do I feel _any_ sympathy for Desi? It's so wrong, I feel like there must be something wrong with me. He never hesitated to do whatever he wanted to me.

It's been a long time since I felt this kind of anxiety, and it's scary. It's not the regular kind when you know you're panicking, it's the other kind. The one where you think you're fine and then suddenly your head is spinning, your chest hurts, and all you wanna do is cry and scream and run. All without warning, it hits you in an instance. Everyone tells you to calm down but it doesn't help, you tell yourself to calm down but it seems impossible. If you're lucky enough, there's a person in your life that can take that kind of anxiety away. For me that person used to be my mum and then Desi, but not anymore. Now he's the cause of my anxiety. Not even because I'm worried about myself, I'm petrified that they'll send Piper back there to live with him on her own. I can never let that happen, not ever. Piper is the one good thing in my life right now, and I'll do whatever it takes to protect her. She's already got so much shit going on with her mum, I will never let Desi hurt her.

 **A/N**

 **Hey folks, as always, I appreciate all the feedback.**

 **I wanted to ask, any particular things people want to see happen in this story?**

 **Cheers.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

I hate spending the night alone in that hospital bed, I hardly sleep at all. I spend most of the night lying on my stomach, pressing my face into the pillow, trying to will sleep to take over. My mind keeps wandering back to Diane and whether I'll see her again. She keeps insisting that she's gonna try to get clean, that she misses me, but I'm still too scared to let myself believe her.

I try to avoid thinking about Desi, and instead keep my focus on Piper. I'm so fucking relieved she went home with Irene tonight. I know that she'll be safe there, and hopefully I can be there with her tomorrow night.

I don't even realise it's the next morning until I'm woken up by Piper kissing me on the cheek. I slowly open my eyes and see her looking down at me with a smile.

"Morning."

"Hey Pipes," I can't help but smile and pull her into another kiss, and I sigh in pure relief. Just like I did last night, I shuffle across in the hospital bed and invite her to lie next to me. I rest my head against her chest as soon as I can.

"How did you sleep last night?"

"Not great."

She pulls me in closer and starts running her fingers up and down my arm. I've already closed my eyes, feeling more relaxed than I did all night.

"Try and sleep now. Irene's parking her car and your mum is coming later."

I let myself sink into her body, and I can feel myself slowly falling asleep.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

Irene walks into the hospital room a few moments later and sees me cuddling Alex while she sleeps.

Even though Irene knows we're a couple, I still feel the need to explain my actions.

"She didn't sleep much last night."

Irene still looks exhausted after last night and sits in one of the chairs, "I'm not surprised."

"What's gonna happen to her?"

Irene looks genuinely sympathetic, but I need to know what the plan is. She still hasn't said anything to me about Desi, and I'm not willing to keep waiting.

"I honestly don't know sweetie. I need to go to work once I get you two back to my place."

I pull Alex in a little closer without even realising, "Will he be there?"

She leans forward in the chair, "Yeah, so will the police and my bosses."

"So what happens after today?"

"I don't know, it's not up to me."

That part scares me, the fact that any final decisions will be made by people that don't know any of us.

"They can't send her back there?"

Irene stands up and walks towards me, putting a hand on my shoulder, "Try not to worry about what you think might happen. You know I'll be doing everything I can to make sure you're both safe."

She manages to find enough space to sit on the edge of the bed, and there's one more thing I need to say.

"I don't want to be separated from her."

She gives me a look that says she understands, "I know."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

 _Five years earlier_

Irene had been visiting us for the last three months. I always looked forward to her visits, it was nice to have someone else to talk to. Dad hated her, and mum just got sad whenever I talked about her.

Things are pretty bad right now, dad hasn't been home in days and mum sleeps all the time. I'm glad when Irene finally gets to the house, it gives me someone to talk to.

She gives me a big smile as soon as I open the front door, and let's me lead her into the backyard. The inside of the house is so messy, I spend most of my time outside.

"Are you home alone today?"

I shake my head, "No, mum's asleep, I'm not sure where dad is."

"So tell me how you've been?"

The truth is that I'm scared, things have gotten really bad at home. I just look down at my shoes and ignore the question.

We both sit down on the grass and she puts an arm around my shoulders. The cigarette burns still hurt, but I never told my mum about it. I'm not sure why I never told her, probably because she's always asleep, it's like she doesn't care about anything except for the stupid needles dad gives her when he finally comes home.

Irene notices me flinch and groan, "Are you okay?"

I shrug my shoulders and start ripping up what's left of the crappy grass.

"Sweetie, you can tell me if something's wrong."

But I keep ignoring her and there's a growing pile of ripped up grass in front of me.

"What if I take you out for lunch today? When's the last time you ate?"

"Yesterday, but I'm not really hungry," The truth is that I don't want to go out, I want to make sure I'm here when mum wakes up.

"You need to eat Alex."

I shrug my shoulders again, there's nothing I can say to that.

"What about school? How's that going?"

"I haven't been this week."

I'm not stupid, I can see all the worry on Irene's face. It doesn't help that the house is a dump and mum won't wake up.

"Why haven't you been to school?"

I keep ignoring her, staring at the grass in the hope that I can disappear.

"Alex, I'm worried about you."

She moves closer to me and puts an arm around my shoulders again. I know she's just trying to be kind, but it hurts a lot and all I can feel is the pain and stinging from the still healing burns. This time I pull away violently and wince, tears stinging my eyes no matter how badly I try to control it. I get up and start pacing around the yard with tears rolling down my cheeks.

She doesn't waste any time walking after me and making me look at her.

"Alex, do you remember why I've been visiting you?"

"To make sure I'm okay?"

"Exactly, I'm here for you, whatever you need. But it's not okay if someones hurt you, I want to make sure you're okay. You can trust me Alex, we're friends right?"

I know we're friends, but that doesn't make the truth any easier.

"Is someone hurting you?"

I nod, but I can't bring myself to look her in the eye.

"Where are you hurt? Your back?"

I nod again, still not ready for words.

"Can I look?"

I turn around and let her look under my t-shirt, bracing myself for her reaction. I expect her to be angry, but instead she sounds heartbroken.

"When did this happen?"

"I dunno, it's been happening for a while."

I can see her trying to gather herself as she lets go of my t-shirt and steps in front of me.

"Sweetie, I want you to go to your room and pack some clothes."

"Where are we going?"

"First we'll see a doctor and then you're coming back to my house."

Irene puts an arm around me and leads me to my room. I honestly feel relieved, but I'm still scared to leave mum. Dad won't look after her, and she definitely can't look after herself.

I go to find Irene once I'm done packing, I find her in mums room, trying to wake her up. I stay standing in the doorway, mum is lying on a mattress on the floor, I can see the needles next to Irene's feet. She doesn't wake up, it will be hours before she wakes up again.

I can't bring myself to say goodbye, so I follow Irene outside the house, staying completely silent.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

 _Present day_

"How are you feeling kid?"

I wake up, startled, I didn't even realise I'd fallen asleep. I look around the room and see Diane sitting next to my bed.

"Irene and Piper went to grab some coffee, I just got here. So, how are you feeling?"

"Okay, just tired."

"Why don't you try getting some more sleep?"

I'm so sick of everyone telling me to sleep or rest, I need to talk. I'm not a kid anymore, and I want the truth.

"Are you sticking around this time?"

She looks hurt, maybe even ashamed. "Alex, yeah, I'm sticking around. But I might be gone for a little while, I'm gonna try rehab."

I can't believe what I'm hearing, "Are you being serious?"

She nods, "Yeah. I can't promise that there won't be setbacks, but I need to try. If it means I can get you back one day..."

Did she really just say that? After 5 years with Desi, the idea of living with her seems like a dream.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I finally get to leave the hospital later that day. Both me and Piper are going back to Irene's house, at least I know I can relax there. Diane goes home, promising to stay in touch, but I still don't want to get my hopes up.

Between Irene and Piper, I'm being told to take it easy every five minutes. We end up having a late lunch in Irene's kitchen before she needs to to go work.

"I'll try make sure I'm not home too late. But if I am, there's plenty of stuff for dinner. Alex, do not go anywhere tonight, you need to keep resting."

Piper chimes in, "I'll make sure she takes it easy."

"Thanks Piper," Irene gives her a smile and gets her things together for work.

Piper clears the lunch dishes and Irene says goodbye as she runs out the door.

"Wanna come lie down with me?"

I can't think of anything better and follow Piper into the spare room where we'll be sleeping. It's the same room I slept in when I was first taken away from my parents. It felt a lot bigger back then. I imagine a lot of kids have probably spent time here over the years. It's got eveything you could need, a double bed, bedside table and a small chest of drawers. There's not much space, but it feels cosy, it feels safe.

Piper pulls back the covers and gets in, "It's my turn to be the big spoon."

I smile at how cute she is and get in the bed next to her. I shuffle over until my back is pressed firmly against her front and she slips her arm around my body.

I'm not sure how long we've been sleeping before Piper starts whimpering in her sleep. I rub her arm to try and calm her down, but it doesn't work.

I start gently running my fingers over her cheek, "Pipes, it's okay, you're with me."

It takes a few moments, but her eyes slowly start to open, it breaks my heart to see how scared she looks. I know she's had a bad dream, but I don't want her to ever feel scared when she's with me.

Her breathing gets quicker and I keep touching her cheek, "Hey, you're with me, everything's okay."

I lean down and brush my lips against hers, "Pipes, talk to me."

She finally snaps back to reality, but I can still see fear in her eyes.

"I had a bad dream, about my mum."

"What happened?"

"There's not much to say. It was the day I got taken away. She was so mad, she slapped me, she pushed me, then my dad eventually got in between us."

I don't want to push her for more info so I just keep hugging her,

"I was so tired of her not believing me, I took a photo of my dad kissing another woman. He wasn't even trying to be subtle, I saw them kissing outside his office. I forced my mum to look at it and she freaked out."

Piper's voice just sounds tired. She's not crying, I think she's probably got no tears left for that particular memory, I know that feeling.

"I'm sorry Pipes, you didn't deserve that."

"My dad stopped her, but she was so out of control. He called the police, she pushed me again and I tripped, cut my cheek when I fell. The rest is a blur, the police came, they took me to Irene, then she brought me to Desi's house."

My mind wandered back to that first night we met. I remember how scared she looked, the cut on her cheek, her sleeping in my bed.

"I told the cops everything that had been happening at home, they took me to see a doctor, I think that was the hardest part. I still haven't seen my dad since that night."

Her story almost makes me angry, why do people have kids and then treat them like shit?

"I'll always watch out for you Pipes."

She whispers in my ear, "I know."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

It's after dinner and Irene still isn't home. Alex sits and sketches after dinner while I read a book, we're both sitting on the couch.

I look up and notice her staring at me, she smirks and goes back to drawing.

"Are you drawing me? Let me see!"

I crawl into her lap but she puts the sketch book on the floor behind the couch, out of my reach.

We're both smiling, "Patience is a virtue Pipes, I'll show you when I'm happy with it."

"That's not fair."

I lean forward and brush my lips against hers. Every kiss with Alex makes me feel warm, and this particular kiss gets heated very quickly. I'm lying on top of her now and I don't even realise I've started pressing my hips into her. Not until I feel her hands on my hips, helping to steady me.

I let her slip her tongue into my mouth and I can't help but moan at the feeling. I want to let her take control of things, and she seems to be feeling a lot more comfortable than she has in the past. She keeps kissing me and moves one hand from my hip, slowly running her fingers underneath my t-shirt and over my chest. She pulls back for a moment and our eyes lock while she keeps running her hand over my bra, gently rubbing, every move is deliberate.

I brush a few strands of long black hair from her face, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just needed to look at you."

That familiar warmth runs through my body again and I lay down on top of her. I hum as she runs her fingers through my hair and rubs my back. It's not sex, but it's a different type of intimacy. It's the type of connection I know my parents never had with each other. The type of intimacy that will always draw me back to Alex.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

It's almost 10pm by the time I drag Alex to bed. She's had a headache for the last hour and I want to make sure she sleeps.

I have to share a room with Alex at Irene's house, which I'm more than happy with. We're lying together in the double bed, and as usual I'm resting my head against Alex's chest. She's just fallen asleep while I ansentmindedly run my fingers up and down her body. I'm not even thinking when I slip my hand underneath her tank top, I want to touch her skin. She makes the quietest noise when I start running my fingertips over her bare stomach, but she doesn't wake up.

I've got enough presence of mind to not cross any lines, never slipping my hand below her belly button. But I still think about having sex with her. I want to be the first person she ever sleeps with, I want to be the only person.

I slowly move my hand further up until my fingers are tracing over her chest.

The smallest smile spreads across her lips, "That tickles."

I move my hand back down to her stomach and snuggle into her as close as I can.

"What should we do tomorrow?"

I love it when she runs her fingers through my hair, it's the simplest of gestures but means alot.

"Hmmm, what if we go to the movies? I haven't been in ages."

"Yeah, that sounds nice, a movie date."

"I haven't taken you on a proper date yet."

"No, you haven't."

"I'll ask Irene in the morning."

She pulls me in even closer and kisses the top of my head. I close my eyes and try to imagine us in a different life. It's a life with no abuse, no foster care, none of the bad things. We're just two normal teenagers, we meet eachother at school and start dating. There's no danger, no worry, just us. We go out on dates, I introduce her to my parents, we're happy. She gets along with my brothers, maybe we even have Christmas together. One day, I want all of those things. I'll make sure we have those things.

We keep lying there, relaxing, and my mind keeps wandering to Diane. Alex has never said much about her, other than the drug use.

"So, what was your mum like when you were growing up?"

It takes her a while to respond, "She was great when she wasn't high, but that wasn't very often."

I know this is hard for Alex to talk about, but I want to know more.

"What did you guys do together?"

"Nothing fancy. The main thing I remember is getting ice cream together and just walking around the neighbourhood."

"That sounds nice."

"She'd always ask me where I wanted to go for a holiday. For a while, when we were out of the house, we could plan all these trips even though we knew they'd never happen, but it didn't matter."

I lean up on my elbow and look down into her green eyes, "I'll take you on a holiday one day."

There's that smirk again, "Oh yeah, and where are you taking me?"

"Anywhere you wanna go."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I'm so grateful I finally had a really good sleep, but Piper isn't next to me when I wake up the next morning. I stay in the shorts and t shirt I slept in, and wander into the kitchen where Piper and Irene are making breakfast.

"Morning Al," Piper kisses me as soon as I walk into the kitchen, and guides me to sit down.

"Do you want some toast?"

I nod before turning my gaze to Irene, "What happened at work last night?"

"There was a lot of discussion, but it's not over yet. Both of you will stay with me for now. They want to interview both of you before making any decisions."

I assumed her bosses would interview us eventually, "What about Desi?"

"They're speaking to him too, I saw him last night."

"What did he say?"

Irene reaches across the small table and grabs my hand, "Don't worry about that yet, just focus on getting better."

"You know that's not gonna happen."

At least she's able to smile, "Yeah, I guess so. Alex, I've known you since you were 9 years old, I've watched you grow up, and I know you like having all the information. But I also know that you do a shitty job of looking after yourself when you're stressed out. So just enjoy today, hang out with Piper, have fun. I will tell you everything you want to know tomorrow."

I'm annoyed because I know she's right, "Fine, can we at least go out today? We wanted to go see a movie."

"Not today Alex, please just rest for a couple days, then you guys can go to the movies. I want both of you to take some time to catch your breath. Do we have a deal?"

"Fine," I walk over to the other side of the table and give Irene a hug. I haven't hugged her in a long time, I don't know where I'd be without her, I want her to know that it means something to me.

She squeezes me tight, "There's plenty of dvds you can watch."

I can tell she wants to keep the mood light, "You know I appreciate it all, right?"

"I know."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I go to school the next day while Alex stays home. Irene still hasn't said much about what Desi said or what will happen to us.

I struggle to concentrate all day, there's too much going on in my life right now for me to stay focused on European History.

I'm wandering down the hallway to my next class when I see Ms Mendoza walk into her office. I can't let this opportunity pass me by. She needs to know all the bulshit she caused. I follow her into the office and close the door behind me.

"You promised not to say anything! You almost got her killed!"

"Sit down Chapman! You're the student here, remember that. You don't get to burst into my office and start yelling."

Ms Mendoza is standing next to her desk with her arms crossed, "Now, let's start again, like civilised people."

We both sit on opposite sides of her desk and state each other down.

I try to keep my voice calm, "You promised you wouldn't tell anyone."

"Yeah, that was before Desi Piscatella called me to ask how Alex's first day had gone."

"You didn't need to tell him."

"Piper, I can't lie about those things if someones legal guardian asks me. He asked and I had to tell him the truth."

I keep fidgeting in the chair, not sure who to be angry at anymore, "He hurt her."

"Irene has spoken to me and Alex's teachers, I know it was rough."

Now I'm standing, determined to make this woman understand, "You don't know anything."

"So tell me, tell me about the things I don't understand."

I stand up, ready to walk out of there, "It's not my story to tell."

 **A/N**

 **Hello again! I agree with those reviewers who said the girls need a break. Next chapter will include their movie date and maybe the first time they have sex, haven't decided yet. Sex is going to be a massive step for Alex, I want to do it justice.**

 **This chapter gave some more info about the girls history, with some more snippets to follow in future chapters. Also, we will eventually understand what happened to turn Desi into a jerk.**

 **Let me know your thoughts on Ch 11 :)**

 **Cheers.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N**

 **Hey folks, apologies for my slowness over the holidays. Thanks for the well wishes and hope you all enjoyed your breaks. I'm aiming to settle back into weekly updates as life goes back to normal. Hopefully Ch 12 was worth the wait.**

 **Warning - this chapter contains a sex scene.**

 **Chapter 12**

It's frustrating being stuck at home all week, especially since Piper's gone back to school. It's also left alot of time to talk to Irene, but I know she's not telling me everything that's been happening at her work this week. Sometimes it makes me feel like she doesn't believe me, I don't know. She's been such an important part of my life in the last 5 years, I need to know that she trusts me, especially now that she knows the truth.

"I believe you Alex, I know this isn't something you'd lie about. That night I came to the house, when you wouldn't tell me what happened to your face, was that him?"

"Yeah."

Now comes the part where she feels guilty, and I hate it.

"Sweetie, why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't think you'd believe me."

She looks hurt, but she knows it's not that straightforward. She knows I trust her, but that doesn't mean telling her about Desi was a given. I was scared too, and no one ever believes me, except for Irene.

I can't stand the fact that she looks miserable because of me, so I'm quick to change the subject.

"So, I really wanna take Piper out tonight. Like, on a date." I keep fidgeting with my hands, completely unaware how Irene will react.

"Alex, I'd rather you stayed home and kept resting."

"C'mon Irene, I've been resting all week, I haven't even gone to school. It's been a shitty week, and I wanna do something nice for her."

I can see her thinking about it all, everything that's happened.

"You really like her, huh?

I'm still not sure how comfortable she is with my relationship with Piper, I can hear the caution in her voice.

"Yeah .. "

"What kind of date did you have in mind?"

"Just a movie, nothing crazy."

"Okay, I think we can manage that."

I smile, relieved she said yes. Irene's been so good to me over the last 5 years, but especially over the last week. She's really taken care of me, and it feels nice.

I stop her before she walks out of the kitchen, "I, I just wanted to say thanks, for everything."

She sits back down, looking me in the eye. But she never looks at me with pity, I think that's one of the reasons she's so good at her job. She doesn't pity people like me, she gives us hope, she makes us believe that things will be okay.

"You don't need to thank me sweetie."

"I feel like I do. I know I've been a handful, and what happened last week.."

"Hey, that wasn't your fault."

I start fidgeting in my chair again, "I didn't think you believed me?"

"Alex, I never said that. I've spent alot of time with the police and Desi this week. There are a few things the Department wants me to talk to you about."

Now I'm worried, "Like what? I already told them eveything about what's been happening with Desi."

"I know. He admitted things have been tough lately, but that's about it. I know you're a handful sometimes, but the things he was saying just didn't sound right. Sometimes I think I know you better than anyone else."

She takes a sip of water before she keeps talking, I don't think I've ever seen her this nervous.

"You were one of my first cases when I started this job. I know it was hard for you, but I was so relieved when I could finally get you out of that house, when I could place you with Desi."

"I know..." As much as I'm happy to have Diane back in my life, I'm not delusional about who she was back then.

"You're a good kid Alex."

More silence, whatever it is she wants to tell me, it's making her uncomfortable.

"I just, I couldn't believe some of the things he was saying, so I did some digging. I called in a few favors from a friend that used to work at the Department, now he works at the men's prison."

This is the last thing I ever expected to hear from Irene. She always seemed like such a straight arrow and now she was bending the rules, just for me.

"What did he find out?"

Now she looks scared, "He found out that your dad was in the prison a couple years back, and he would've definitely crossed paths with Desi."

"That's fucking insane, are you sure they knew eachother?"

I hate the look on her face as she nods, "They knew eachother and they didn't get along. Your dad knew Desi was the person looking after you. None of it makes sense, I'm trying to get more information."

"What about the police?"

She looks at me silently and shakes her head, she hasn't told the cops about any of this.

"I want more information before taking this to the cops."

It suddenly occurs to me that Irene is taking some major risks here, she's putting her job on the line for me.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I can't sit back and watch the system fail another kid, especially not you."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

Irene gave me cash for the movies but that's not my only plan for the night, I have something special planned for later.

I don't have enough money to take her out for dinner first so I decide to cook something myself. Spaghetti seems to be the one thing I can cook without it turning into a disaster, so that's what I make her along with some home made garlic bread.

She's spent the afternoon with her mum, things have been going better between them lately. I'm happy for Piper but at the same time I'm afraid of her moving back in with her parents. I don't like thinking such selfish things but I can't help it. I want her with me, and I'm pretty sure Carol won't want her only daughter spending her spare time with someone like me. I try to shake those thoughts out of my head and focus on the food.

 _Don't forget about the good things, Desi is out of the picture, everyone is safe, and I think I might love this girl..._

I'm definitely not ready to acknowledge that last thought, no matter how strong my feelings might be. Cooking isn't enough of a distraction, so I head into the room I share with Piper and decide on my outfit. I'm not going all girly but I still want to look nice, I want her to _notice_ me. I end up settling on my old converse, black jeans and a tight red t shirt.

It's almost 6pm, she'll be home soon, and I don't remember the last time I felt so nervous and excited at the same time.

I'm sitting on our bed with my sketch book when the bedroom door opens and before I know it she's standing in front of me. She looks so fresh and light, I put down my sketch book so I can sweep her up in a kiss.

"How's your mum?"

She buries her face in the crook of my neck, "Like a polite zombie, I don't wanna talk about her. How are you feeling?"

I pull her towards the bed so we can sit down, "I feel 110% recovered."

She raises her eyebrows as she smiles, "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

I can't stop smiling, I gently push her body until she's lying down and I lie next to her. She picks up my sketchbook, "Have you finished that picture of me yet?"

"Nearly, you'll get to see it later tonight."

"What's happening later tonight?"

I kiss her cheek, "Date night."

I watch as the biggest smile stretches across her lips, "Really?"

"Yes, really."

I slip my hand under her white t-shirt and draw lazy circles on her stomach, she always feels so warm. She leans in closer and kisses me while my hand stays under her shirt.

"So where are we going tonight?"

I move hand over her chest, "First you get to eat the amazing dinner I've made for us, then I'm taking you to see a movie. Then I have a surprise for you."

She smiles and kisses me again, we lie together for a while before eating dinner. Even if she thinks my food sucks she doesn't show it, and eats everything on her plate.

I don't tell her about my dad being in prison where Desi works. I don't want to deal with any of that tonight, I just want to enjoy myself.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

No one's ever taken me on a proper date before. The guy I lost my virginity to wasn't exactly a romantic, I slept with him in the backseat of his dad's car after a school dance. I wanted my first time to be amazing, instead it was completely forgettable. He was clumsy and a little selfish, there was no _wow_ factor, and it left me wondering what all the fuss was about. Now it's different with Alex, the wow factor is everywhere, and I want her first time to be special.

I love the fact that she made me dinner, she was so attentive and confident. Even after having such a shit week she still did all this for me, and she kept a hold of that confidence. I don't think there's many people in this world that could do that. She makes me forget about all the bad things, all I see is her.

I didn't even pay much attention to the movie, I found myself cuddling into her side and just enjoying the closeness and warmth. She insisted on buying the drinks and popcorn, she held my hand, she was always there.

We start walking back to Irene's house after the movie. It's not a long walk but Alex takes us on a slight detour and we end up at the local park.

"It's not as nice as our usual spots at the creek and lake but it's a decent substitute. Plus it's quiet, hardly anyone comes here. _And_ I got Frieda to leave us some supplies."

I can't stop smiling and watch her pull a backpack from behind some bushes.

"You did all this for me?"

I keep watching as she pulls a sleeping bag from the backpack and lays it out on the soft grass.

"Well yeah, I wanted you to have a great night. Plus the nights have been so nice this week and we haven't been able to go to the lake, I thought this would be good."

"I love it," and I really mean those words.

She puts the sleeping bag out on top of the soft green grass, it's a gorgeous summer night. She pulls me down until we're both lying on the ground. For a while we just lie there and cuddle, enjoying the breeze.

Eveything about this moment feels so right, I don't think I can wait any longer to touch Alex. She's lying on her back on the sleeping bag, I move so that I'm straddling her hips. It's cliche but she's so fucking gorgeous in the moonlight, it's like I can't take it all in. I lean down and brush my lips against hers, she immediately opens her mouth and I don't hesitate to slide my tongue past her lips. I can feel her moan into the kiss, which just makes me want her even more.

I deepen the kiss and press my hips into hers, and now her hands are in my hair as our kisses become more intense. I don't even think as I start running a hand over her chest, eliciting another moan. Her reactions to my touch make me more impatient and I slip my hand under her t shirt and start rubbing her chest over her bra.

I've never been this turned on, but I still want to ask permission before taking this to the next level. I start kissing her neck and become completely lost in the smell of her. Now she's really squirming underneath me and a moan slips past my own lips as I feel her hands delicately moving over my chest, slowly squeezing harder. She leans up and helps me unclasp her bra and push it out the way. I leave her t-shirt on so she doesn't feel too exposed.

I move my mouth next to her ear, "Al, I really wanna touch you."

Her breathing is getting heavier and heavier, and instead of saying anything she just grabs my hand and guides it down to her centre, encouraging me to start rubbing over the top of her jeans. I feel like I might explode at this point, and the pressure continues to build in the pit of my stomach.

I keep rubbing over her jeans, "Alex..."

She moves her hand from mine and unbuttons her jeans, "I'm ready."

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous, but I don't think I've ever wanted something as much as I want to touch Alex right now, "Are you sure?"

She takes my hand again and guides it underneath her jeans and her panties until I can feel her warmth, "I'm sure."

My head is spinning, this is nothing like when I lost my virginity in the back of that shitty car. This is so much more intimate, so much more sexy. I've got this gorgeous girl lying underneath me, a girl who could practically have anyone she wanted from school, and she wants me. She wants me to touch her, to make her feel good. The fact that Alex trusts me this much is overwhelming, and to be honest I have no idea what to do with this level of emotion. I'll worry about that later, right now all I can think about is Alex .

I've never touched another girl like this before and I'm acting on pure instinct. I slide my fingers through her folds and I feel her moan against my neck. Every sound that slips past her lips builds my own arousal, and we've only just started.

I build a rhythm and let myself enjoy the feeling of her body underneath me. She tightens her grip around my neck and pulls me in even closer to her. Her breathing is ragged, "Mmhhh, fuck..."

I can't stop thinking about the fact that I'm the only person that has ever touched her like this, and it makes me feel oddly possessive. I want to be the only one that ever makes Alex feel like this.

She keeps moaning into my neck, "Inside."

My heart skips a beat and I take my time with this. I slowly slip one finger inside Alex and let her get used to the feeling. I don't want to hurt her, I want her memories of this night to be nothing but perfect. I kiss her gently on the lips, "Does that hurt?"

Her body is arched back and her eyes are closed, her lips are slightly apart, and I see her shake her head.

I can't stop myself from kissing her again, "I'm gonna go slowly, but let me know if it starts to hurt and I'll stop."

I want her consent every step of the way tonight. She nods her head in agreement and I very slowly start to move my finger in and out of her. She pulls me right down into her and buries her face in my neck, mumbling inbetween heavy breaths and moans.

"Oh my god, fuck, Piper..."

I smile as she keeps her arms firmly around my neck and loses control. She feels so amazing and the look on her face right now is pure ecstasy.

I move my mouth and speak into her ear again, "Do you want more?"

I start to curl my finger inside her, causing her loudest moan yet, "Fuck! Mhhmm, no more, just keep going."

Her breathy words and the absolute trust she's put in me make that feeling in the pit of my stomach grow and I start to move in and out of her faster, curling my finger every now and then. She keeps her face buried in my neck, stifling her moans as I feel her getting closer. I need to feel more of her, so I move my mouth over the top of one of her breasts. Everything I'm doing in this moment feels amazing, but it never feels like enough. I always want more of her, I always want to be closer, I want to make her feel everything.

I take her nipple in my mouth and start sucking, causing her to move one of her hands to the back of my head, holding it in place.

"Pipes, I'm so close, fuck..."

All of these new sensations are making me feel delirious. It's the feeling of her soft breast in my mouth, the warm feeling of her around my finger, and most of all the knowledge that she _trusts_ me enough to touch her like this.

I move my finger in deeper and curl it against her wall as firmly as I can, trying to rub my palm against her clit at the same time. That's all it takes for her to come undone, and that possessive feeling intensifies as she tightens her grip on me and our bodies press against eachother.

Her open mouth is against my ear as I help her ride out her high. "Oh my god FUCK!"

We're both breathing heavily, my forehead leaning against hers, and I can't stop myself from telling her how I really feel. Part of me is afraid I might scare her off, but I need to tell her, I need her to know everything.

I'm still trying to catch my breath, "Alex, I love you so fucking much. I want you to trust me with everything. I will _never_ hurt you on purpose, I always wanna be with you. And when I'm not with you I'm thinking about you. I just, fuck, I want all of you."

She pulls my face down and kisses me, but it's more gentle now, and I know she's genuine.

"I love you too."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I need to talk to someone about what happened between me and Piper. I can't tell Irene, and as much as I love Nicky and Frieda, I don't think they'll be able to give me the right advice. I mean, I'm sure I'll tell them about it eventually, but right now I need to talk to someone that's older, someone with more life experience.

I ask Diane to come over while Irene is at work and Piper is at school. We're sitting in the kitchen having lunch when I decide to blurt it out.

"I slept with Piper."

Diane puts down her coffee and her eyes are wide open. "Wow, okay. Was that your first time?"

I keep looking at the table and nod. "She told me she loved me."

I can't read the expression on her face and she keeps fiddling with her mug, _fuck._

"Sweetie that's great. I can see how much she cares about you, and I know you care about her."

"But?"

"Alex, I really like Piper, and I feel like I probably don't have the right to lecture you about sex. Just be careful okay."

"What does that even mean?"

"It means don't try and grow up too fast. Sex is a big step, and you're only 15, I just don't want you to get hurt."

 _What the fuck does that even mean..._

"You think Piper's gonna hurt me?"

At least she's finally let go of the mug, "No sweetie, it's hard to explain. Your first love is intense and sometimes it's hard to deal with all those emotions, that's all I was trying to say."

I understand what she means, but I don't want to think about the negatives. I've had enough negative experiences to last me forever, all I want right now is the good. I really want to ask her about my dad being in prison, but I decide to wait until Irene finds out more. Besides, Diane still hasn't gone to rehab and I have no idea if she's still using.

I change the topic and ride out the rest of the afternoon. Diane leaves after lunch and Piper gets home a couple hours later. We have the house to ourselves for a while until Irene gets back from work.

It's a sunny afternoon and we take a walk, going no where in particular. Without even trying, we end up at the same park from last night, and sit together under one of the larger trees.

She links her fingers through mine, "How do you feel after last night?"

All I can do is smile and grip her hand tighter, letting myself lean against her, "I don't know, pretty perfect I guess. And you?"

I feel her arm slip across my back and pull me in closer, "Yeah, pretty perfect."

We end up lying in the grass, enjoying the afternoon sun and the complete silence around us, aside from the occasional bird and the wind.

"Are you seeing your mum again this weekend?" I know it's important for Piper to fix the relationship with her mother, but the selfish part of me still doesn't want her to move out.

"I don't think so, she hasn't asked."

"Has she stopped drinking so much?"

"Honestly Al, I can't even tell."

It's clear that she still doesn't want to talk about her mum, so I let it go.

"Are you back at school on Monday?"

"Yeah, take two on starting the school year."

We both roll over so our faces are practically touching, she whispers in my ear, "I don't want to move back in with Desi."

She sounds scared, "Pipes, that's not gonna happen."

"You don't know that. When I first got taken away all I wanted was to go back home, but I'm not even sure of that anymore."

"Try not to think of it like that. They can't force you to do anything once you're 18, you can go wherever you want."

"Will you come with me?"

I lean in and brush my lips over hers, "Yes."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

Of course I find myself sitting in Mendoza's office as soon as I'm back at school. Piper told me she's the one that called Desi about me cutting class. I'm annoyed at her but I'm not stupid, I know she was just doing her job, she didn't know what would happen.

I don't know why but I'm struggling to look her in the eyes.

"Alex, I think we've got alot to talk about."

I don't want to piss her off but I hate the insinuation that I owe her an explanation.

"Like what? Am I here so you can tell me off for cutting class? Whatever, I think I've been punished enough for that."

"What is that supposed to mean?" She doesn't sound mad, which makes me even more annoyed.

"Nothing..."

"Alex, Irene told me what happened. I don't want to fight with you. I've already had Piper in here ready to rip my head off."

I can't help but smile at the thought of Piper getting angry at Mendoza, all while trying to look out for me.

"How are you feeling?"

"Okay I guess. I'm ready to be back at school after being cooped up last week."

"So no more cutting class then?"

I shrug my shoulders but manage to hold her gaze.

"Alex, you could do alot of different things if you focus on doing well here."

"Even if I finish highschool, there's nothing I can do after that. No one's paying for me to go to college."

"Alex, there are alot of different options."

But I'm already sick of this conversation and kick my chair back, ready to leave.

"I don't need your help, I'll find my own way!"

"Just stop right there, sit back down and give me a chance. I didn't bring you in here to talk about college. You had a pretty bad time last week and believe it or not I wanted to check if you were okay."

I'm not sure how the conversation got so heated, and it proves I'm still angry about what happened. I take a deep breath and sit back down.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I'm sitting under a big old tree at lunch time with Alex and Frieda. It's nice to finally get some proper time with Frieda, things have been so crazy lately. Our main form of communication has been text messages to let her know what was going on.

"So how's life with Irene?"

"I really like living with her, but she works alot."

Alex bumps shoulders with me, "You're forgetting the best part Pipes, she lets us sleep in the same bed."

"That's because there's only _one_ bed!"

It feels good to laugh again, and not the forced awkward laugh, but a genuine laugh that makes you feel good.

Alex keeps smiling as she goes to get another drink from the cafeteria. Frieda takes the opportunity to have a serious conversation.

"How are you holding up after the last week?"

"Pretty good actually. Being away from Desi has made it so much easier to relax."

"Do you know what's gonna happen to him?"

That's the one thing that has me most worried, "No. I'm fucking petrified that we'll get sent back there. Irene's not saying much about it."

"She's probably working overtime to make sure no one ever ends up with him again."

All I can do is sigh, "I really hope you're right."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Almost two weeks go by and Irene hasn't given me anymore information about Desi or my dad. I still haven't said anything to Piper about that whole situation, I feel like she's the only thing keeping me sane at the moment. We're both still living with Irene, and it honestly feels really fucking good. Irene gets it, she doesn't push us or make us feel less than. I'm starting to wish we could stay with her forever. Piper's been spending more time with her mum, which only fuels my fear that she'll go home soon. I'm so sure that we'll hardly see eachother if she goes home. Her parents won't leave her at Litchfield High and they really won't want someone like me hanging around.

Ms Mendoza has asked to meet with me a couple more times. I really don't know what she's expecting me to tell her. I can barely be honest with myself about how I feel, I'm not about to pour out my soul in her office. Piper is the one person I'm most open with, but there are still things I'm too scared to say to her.

I'm grabbing a few things from my locker when Piper sneaks up on me from behind and kisses me on the cheek.

"Hey Al."

That's all it takes from her to make me smile, "Hey Pipes."

I don't get much further before hearing the undeniably bitchy tone of Jessica Wedge. She's one of those girls that's labelled as 'popular' even though nobody actually likes her. She's a fucking bully, and I'd love nothing more than to put her in her place, but of course I'm meant to be behaving myself at school.

She's got her usual groupies in tow and doesn't waste any time, "Seriously Piper, you're a senior, why the hell are you wasting your time with a loser like Vause?"

We've had a couple run ins with Jessica before, but I quickly get the feeling this might end up being the worst.

Piper looks seriously pissed off as soon as she sees who it is, "Fuck off Jessica."

Jessica and her entourage stop right next to us, and I can tell by the pathetic smile on her face that she's in the mood to start something. I try to drag Piper away but it's too late for that.

"C'mon Piper, if you insist on being the senior year lesbo at least pick a winner."

Jessica gets right in my face before Piper can say anything, "I mean, it's really no surprise your parents dumped you."

Now it's my anger that bubbles to the surface and I grab Jessica's shirt and shove her into the lockers, "Stay the fuck away from us."

The way she smiles drives me insane, and the only thing stopping me from wiping that smug look off her face is that I've already been suspended once this year.

"You're not my type Vause. You might've convinced your girlfriend to stoop to your level.."

Piper steps in before Jessica can even finish, shoving her so hard across the hallway that she nearly falls over.

"In your fucking dreams Wedge!" And with that Piper pulls me towards the library where we meet up with Nicky and Frieda for the free period.

Piper sits down in a huff and I can see the pent up anger all over her face. Even Nicky notices, "You about to hulk out on us Chapman?"

I've got to smile, because I completely love the way Piper just stood up for me, "Give her a break Nick, she nearly just knocked Jessica Wedge on her ass!"

Both Nicky and Frieda start laughing, and I see a small smile starting to form on Piper's face.

"Shit Chapman, I didn't know you had it in you!"

"It's not like that Nicky, she was being a total bitch! I wasn't gonna stand there and let her talk about us like that."

Frieda starts talking over Nicky's laughter, "Just promise us that you'll video tape it next time. That stuck up bitch deserves everything she gets."

I pull Piper in close, "See babe, you're a total badass."

She finally lets that smile take over her face and we all start exchanging stories on the shitty things Jessica Wedge has said to us over the years. The whole thing makes me love Piper even more, the fact that she was so willing to stand up for me, it makes me feel good.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

We've just finished dinner and Piper's gone to have a shower. I stay in the kitchen with Irene and she makes us both cups of tea. I've been begging her to tell me the truth for the last week. I know she's got more info on my dad and Desi, it's written all over her face, but she won't say anything. We keep sitting there, sipping our tea, pretending like everything is fine, but there's a pressure building inside me.

I try to stay calm, "You need to be honest with me, I know you're holding back."

We keep staring at each other from across the kitchen table, Irene eventually looks back down at her tea, the smallest hint of fear visible in her eyes.

"I wanted you to settle back into school before things got serious again, I want you to have a chance to be a kid."

"I'm not a kid anymore."

She finally looks at me, "You know what I mean. No, you're not 8 years old anymore, but you shouldn't be having to deal with things like this. I don't _want_ you to worry about this. I want you to be able to enjoy yourself Alex."

I know she wants to protect me, I know she cares, but fuck, I need to know the truth. She finally keeps talking, and her tone makes me nervous, "I've found out more about your dad and Desi. It... it's serious."

I can feel my heart beating faster and the sweat forming in the palms of my hands, "What is it?"

"Desi isn't popular with the prisoners, he can be pretty hard on them..."

She pauses and her expression is full of hesitation, "That's not exactly surprising. Irene, you need to tell me, I deserve to know."

She closes her eyes, breathes deeply and keeps going, "Your dad never really stopped using drugs when he was inside. Desi caught him with drugs more than once and put him in solitary. Your dad, he, he was detoxing, he probably didn't know what he was doing."

I nod at her in silence, trying to be patient as she slowly tells the story.

"From what I can tell they didn't get along, and your dad hated Desi for getting in the way of his drug use, he stayed in solitary for a long time. The prisoners didn't like Desi anyway, for other reasons."

 _What other reasons?_

"Anyway, your dad started saying things to Desi, about you..."

I try to stop my hands from shaking. My dad barely acknowledged my existence when I was growing up, why the hell was he talking to Desi about me, "What? What about me?"

"I'm not exactly sure.."

"C'mon Irene!" I try to slow down my breathing and keep my voice down. I don't want Piper hearing any of this.

"Okay Alex, okay. He started telling Desi that you hated him, but I don't know all the details."

"What!? I never talked to my dad about Desi!"

"I don't know the details Alex! All I know for now is that your dad said some pretty horrible things, and he _did_ some horrible things."

Now the anxiety is really pumping through me, and I really wish Piper was next to me, even if part of me is ashamed about what I'm hearing, "What the fuck did he do?"

"All I know for now is that he hurt another prisoner that Desi was very close to..."

 _Fuck_ , none of this makes sense to me, I don't even know what to feel right now. I must look so confused, and Irene tries to explain it more, but it's beyond that point now, "Sweetie, I'm so sorry, he was taking a lot of heroin, it effects the way people think and the things they say."

"No, don't try and defend him! What did he do to this other prisoner?"

"I'm honestly not sure. All I know is that he attacked him, he had to stay in medical for a long time, I don't think he ever went back to general population. I should get the rest of the story tomorrow."

I push my chair back so fast it hits the floor without warning, I don't how to control my anger. I feel like punching the wall, like pulling my own hair out. I start pacing the kitchen, digging my hands into my hips, fuck...

It takes a few moments for me to realise that Irene is standing in front of me. She puts her hands on my shoulders and stops me from pacing, "Alex, I'm sorry I didn't tell you straight away. I didn't want to upset you, and I didn't want you running away again. Come with me."

I let Irene lead me into the backyard and we sit on the back steps, I feel her arm slip around my shoulders. I'm trying so hard to stay calm but all I want to do is lash out, to run. But there's nowhere to run, there's nothing for me out there, everything I have is in this house.

She whispers into my ear, "How are you feeling?"

"I don't know..."

"We'll figure this out, but I need you to stick with me."

She wants me to stick with her, to stay. I really want to, but sometimes staying still seems like the quickest way to die. Well, at least it feels like you're dying, for me anyway. I need to stop thinking about all this, I can already feel my chest getting tighter, it hurts. But I don't run. We keep sitting outside, it feels nice. That's what I need to focus on, the breeze and the smell of the grass, the trees, before everything starts to hurt. Irene still has her arm around me when the back door opens, and it's not long before Piper's standing in front of us.

"Everything okay out here?"

Irene squeezes my shoulder and walks back into the house, "I picked up some pie on the way home, I'll put it in the oven."

I know she's trying to give me alone time with Piper, but I feel so awkward. How am I meant to tell her this? I already knew my dad wasn't a good guy, but now it's even worse. Whatever he said to Desi, whatever he did to that other inmate, it fucked up my whole life all over again. I don't even know what really happened, but it must've been really bad. Now I'm meant to sit here and tell this to my girlfriend, that it's official my own father doesn't give a shit about me. That he _used_ me to get back at Desi for whatever happened in that fucking prison. All he cares about is himself, and drugs. I don't think he ever loved Diane, I don't know what she ever saw in him.

Just the thought of her raises so many more questions, did she know he was in prison? Did she have anything to do with what he did to Desi? Has she been lying to me this whole time?

I need to anchor myself before the pain in my chest becomes unbearable, so I reach out for Piper's hand and pull her down next to me. I don't say anything, I just keep holding her hand, looking straight ahead.

"Al, what's going on?"

I put all my energy into breathing, "I just need a minute."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I'm lying in bed with Alex, trying to process everything she told me after dinner. It all comes back to her dad, he managed to ruin her life again without a second thought. It makes me so angry, the fact that people like that are allowed to have children, only to destroy their faith in human beings. I can't blame Alex for not trusting people, at least she trusts me. It makes me think about my own dad, it's been so long since I spoke to him. Even if he wasn't the one that physically abused me, he still let it happen for so long. It was only when he forced to watch it that he reacted, otherwise he managed to push my unhappiness to the back of his mind.

Then there's Irene, she's risking a lot to get this information. I'm starting to feel like she's the only one that's really on our side, the only one that's willing to protect us. It's weird, I never used to think of myself as someone that needed protecting. My life was simple enough, and I believed that no matter what happened, I'd always get through it on my own. My parents were never there for emotional support, and as much as I love my brother Cal, it always came down to me. But now I want, no, I _crave_ the idea of having someone to protect me. Not because I'm weak or pathetic, but because I need to believe that there are still good people out there. I just want at least one adult in my life stand up for me, make me believe that it's all worth it in the long run.

Alex seems exhausted, "Do you wanna stay home from school tomorrow? I can stay with you?"

But she immediately shakes her head, "I need the distraction, otherwise I won't be able to stop thinking about it. Irene thinks she'll find out more tomorrow, I'm not sure I even wanna hear it."

"I'll be with you."

"I know..."

She rolls over and I cuddle her from behind, "Are you tired yet?"

"Yeah, let's just stay like this for a while."

So I keep holding her and my breathing slows down, I'm hoping we both fall asleep soon.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

The next day at school drags by so much. I can tell Alex is trying really hard to be engaged, to act normal, but I can see how flat she really feels. She doesn't want me to say anything to Nicky and Frieda about her dad and Desi. I know it's her way of keeping control of the situation, but I think at least one of them needs to know. I pull Frieda aside in between classes and head into the library.

"Geez Chapman, what's the rush?"

"Sorry, I needed to catch you alone."

"Okay, is there something going on?"

It's not my place to tell her everything, but I want her to at least know that Alex might need her help.

"I can't tell you all the details, but Alex is pretty stressed at the moment. I just wanted you to look out for her, I think she might need a distraction for the next few weeks."

Now she crosses her arms over her chest, "Should I be worried?"

"Nothing's happening, no yet at least. Sorry, I didn't mean to worry you. I just, you know what she's like..."

I'm relieved when she finally looks a bit more relaxed, "It's okay Piper, I get it. I'll look out for her."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

Alex is so edgy by the time we get home, nothing I can say or do seems to help her relax. I know that she's waiting for Irene to walk through the front door and tell her more, even if she's not ready to hear it.

We're doing our homework on the kitchen table and she's been staring at the same page for the last 15 minutes. She hasn't been paying attention to anything I've said since we left school, so I decide to try a different approach. I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her neck, kissing her cheek. I finally feel her shoulders relax, even if it's only the smallest amount.

She drops her pen on the table and leans back into me, "Hey Pipes."

Now she turns around so we can kiss properly and I can hear her sigh as she leans her forehead against mine, "Sorry I've been off today."

I keep my arms firmly around her, "Al, you don't need to apologise, I was just worried."

She signs again, "I don't want you to worry, I'm not gonna run away again. I just don't know what to think right now, and I can't stop thinking about all these questions I have. I don't know..."

"Try not to think about it, let's wait and see what Irene says tonight, and you should talk to your mum about it."

I smile when she finally leans into my chest and lets me hug her properly, now I feel like I can relax. As much as Irene tries to look after us, I know there won't be anything she can do if Alex runs away again. We're still hugging in the kitchen when the front door opens and we hear Irene's voice call out, "Are you girls home?"

Alex immediately stiffens in my arms and I try to pull her back to reality, "Hey, just focus on me, I'm not going anywhere."

I lead Alex into the lounge room where Irene is sitting, "You're home early."

"Yeah, it's been a crazy day, and I wanted to talk to you both."

I don't like the tone of her voice or the tired look in her eyes, I keep thinking she must have horrible news about Alex's dad and Desi. That one thought makes me squeeze Alex's hand even tighter, I'm relieved when she squeezes back.

Alex can barely control the quiver in her voice, "Did you get the rest of the story?"

But Irene shakes her head, "No, that might take a few more days. But there's something else we all need to talk about."

My eyes are completely fixated on Irene, "What is it?"

She sighs, and I'm not remotely prepared for what she says next, "Piper, the Department wants to put you back with Desi until you move back home."

I feel like my heart just stopped beating, I can't speak, and I'm scared. It's only Alex's outburst that pulls me from that trance.

She pulls her hand away from mine and throws her arms in the air, "Are they fucking insane? She can't go back there!"

It seems to take less than a second for Irene to stand up and put her hands on Alex's shoulders, "Alex, you need to stay calm. The Department agreed to let you stay with me, but I need you to keep it together."

But Alex doesn't seem to care, I don't think anything will get through to her right now. I can't blame her, because I'm fucking petrified at the idea of living alone with that man, knowing what he's done to Alex.

"I don't give a fuck where they send me! How can they send her back there! You can't let this happen!"

Irene tries in vain to calm Alex down, but it doesn't work. She walks up to Alex again and puts her hands on her cheeks, desperately trying to keep control of the situation. Alex tries to brush her off, but Irene stands her ground.

"Alex, just look at me, please."

But Alex's shouting just gets louder, "You were meant to protect us!"

Now I can see the tears building in Irene's eyes, and I know this is killing her. I know she would've done everything in her power to stop this from happening, but I'm still so scared. That pure emotion on Irene's face is enough to push me to act, and I pull Alex into a hug.

"Please Al, don't freak out."

I don't think she's ever held me so tightly before, "You can't go back there, not alone..."

It takes a few moments but she finally calms down enough to talk, we all walk into the kitchen and sit around the table.

"You can't send her there alone, you have to send me too."

"Alex, sweetie, they won't let you go back there, not after what happened."

"So how the hell can they send Piper back there?!"

I put a hand on her shoulder, and I can feel the rise and fall of her breaths.

"I'm so sorry girls, I did everything I could. Alex, they only see the issues between you and Desi, as far as they're concerned, Piper will be safe living with him. They don't like kids living with me long term, I promise I did everything I could. I'll check in all the time, I'll try to get the decision reversed, you know how much I care about both of you."

The tears never seem to leave Irene's eyes, but I'm still too scared to say anything. I'm not angry at her, I don't blame her, but I'm so scared...

 **0-0-0-0-0**

The rest of the night is a blur, I can't fucking believe those assholes are sending Piper back there. It shows how fucking clueless they are, or maybe they don't even care. Either way, they're putting Piper in danger all over again. She'd probably be safer living with her alcoholic mother than with Desi. I try so hard to control my anger, to not take it all out on Irene, but it's so hard. I can see the pain in her face, and I know she hates this, but it's hard to not lash out. The idea of Piper being alone with him makes me feel sick, she's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

We lie next to each other in bed that night, just staring at each other, having absolutely no idea what to say.

"Pipes, I will kill him if he does anything to you."

She reaches out and touches my cheek, "He's not gonna do anything to me."

I want to believe that so badly, "You need to tell me if anything happens, promise?"

"I promise. But you need to promise me that you won't get in trouble."

I don't want to make that promise, because I know what I'll do if he hurts her. I try to avoid her gaze, but it doesn't work. She moves her hand to my chin and forces me to look her in the eyes.

"Al, you need to promise me that you won't do anything stupid."

My eyes lock with hers, and I tell her what she wants to hear, "Okay.."

But I know I won't be able to keep that promise.

 **AN**

 **Apologies again for my slowness! I still haven't quite accepted that Christmas is over. ...**

 **Cheers.**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N**

 **Maybe one day I'll stop being so slow. I think about this story on a daily basis, but never seem to find enough time to actually write.**

 **Anyways, here's the next installment.**

 **Cheers.**

 **Chapter 14**

Stepping into Desi's house again feels so wrong, it's unbearable. Especially after seeing the look on Alex's face before we leave Irene's house. Her eyes were full of sadness and fear, which only got worse when Irene wouldn't let her come with us.

"I'm sorry Alex, you can't be anywhere near Desi, you need to stay here."

I thought it was going to turn into a fight, Alex looked so upset, but Irene managed to calm her down.

"I promise I won't be back late, then we can talk more, please Alex."

I struggle to even look at Alex in those moments, the look in her eyes is breaking me. She eventually looks past Irene and walks towards me, wrapping me up in a tight hug. I don't know how long we're standing like that, Irene doesn't rush us and lets the hug run its course.

I can feel her warm tears hit my shoulder, soaking into my t-shirt. My mind has gone on auto-pilot, it's the only way I can get through this without breaking down.

She takes a deep breath and squeezes me tighter, her breath hits my ear, "Please call me before you go to bed tonight."

I don't even realise I'm squeezing her back, or that I'm doing a lousy job of holding back my own tears. Her request hits a nerve, because now I need to face the fact that I won't be able to hold her during the night anymore. Tonight, I'll be going to bed alone, in a house with someone who probably hates me. Even if he doesn't hate me, the way he's treated Alex is enough to make me hate him.

"I promise, I'll call Irene's phone."

Now I really wish Alex had her own phone, I need to find a way to get her one. I reluctantly pull back from the hug and place my hands on Alex's cheeks, "I love you."

"I love you too."

Irene opens the front door and I follow her to the car, I can't bring myself to look back at Alex. The car ride to Desi's is excruciating, Irene keeps telling me everything will be okay, but it sounds like she's trying to convince herself more than me. It takes me a moment to realise that the car has stopped, we're here. I look out the window and stare at that front yard, I can't stop my mind from wandering. I can't stop thinking about the night Alex tried to run away, seeing her lying on the grass, dazed and bleeding. Those images are etched into my memory forever, and I hate it.

Irene places a hand on my shoulder, pulling me out of my thoughts, "Are you ready?"

No, of course I'm not ready, but I don't have a choice, "Yeah, lets go."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

There was so much tension between Irene and Desi, it was suffocating. Even though I didn't like the idea of being left alone with him, I was relieved when she left. She was nothing but polite on the outside, but something wasn't right. She could barely look Desi in the eye, there was no warmth to their exchanges, it was so different to the way it used to be between them.

But now she's gone back to Alex and I'm left alone with Desi. He keeps staring at me after Irene leaves, almost like he doesn't know what to do with me or say to me. His eyes are blank, and I'm starting to wish I could at least read his mood.

He gestures for me to follow him to the kitchen, "Have you eaten dinner?"

"Yeah, thanks," I might not like him, but that doesn't mean I want to make him angry. This has become a game of survival.

"How about some desert?"

I nod and watch as he pulls a small chocolate cake from the fridge and cuts two pieces. He smiles and passes me one of the plates and sits down.

"Piper, I don't want this to be awkward."

"Neither do I."

He seems relieved at my response, "Good, there's no reason for Alex's behaviour to cause problems between you and me. You're welcome to stay here as long as you need."

Fuck, of course he had to bring up Alex, I need to let it go.

"Being here might be a good opportunity for you to get some distance from her and focus on your school work."

It takes all of my control to not say anything, I focus all my energy on the cake, trying to avoid his gaze.

"Senior year is important, have you started thinking about what you want to do next year?"

College is the last thing on my mind right now, "Not really, it's kinda hard to think about that stuff with everything else that's been going on."

"I understand, that's why this separation from Alex will be good for you. You can start clearing your head and thinking about what you want to do with your life."

That's it, I can't hold it in anymore, "It has nothing to do with Alex!"

Now I can read his face, and he definitely looks annoyed, "Piper!"

"No, just stop! Alex has been the only thing keeping me sane in the last few months, I never wanted to be separated from her!"

I feel like this is my opportunity to get it all off my chest, maybe even put him in his place, but I don't know what else to say. I try to stop my hands from shaking and refocus, his face is emotionless again. He leans across the table and lowers his voice. He's doing his best to intimidate me, but I refuse to let him know how much he actually bothers me. I can't let him know that I'm scared of him...

"Piper, you need to listen to me. I'm not a bad person, regardless of what Alex might have told you. I'm the only reason she's had a home for the last 5 years, the _only_ reason. Do not cause trouble for me, okay? If you do _anything_ to make my life difficult, Alex will be the one that pays the price. Do we have an understanding?"

Now my mind is spinning, "Desi, this doesn't have anything to do with Alex."

"It has everything to do with Alex! It always does, whether I'm at work or at home!" He slams a fist on the kitchen table and stands up, staring directly into my eyes.

"As long as you're under my roof, you don't see her outside of school, you will not talk to her. And don't ever bring her name up with me again. You have a chance at a real life Piper, don't mess it up over someone like her."

He keeps his eyes on me and slowly walks out of the kitchen, I don't start breathing again until I hear his footsteps on the stair case. I've fucked everything up, without even trying, and I don't know what to do. Of course his first response is to threaten her, that's all he knows! The sense of injustice is raging in my chest and I can't calm down.

 _Close your eyes, count to ten, do not let him win..._

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I'm lying in bed when I hear Irene coming back through the front door. She doesn't waste any time coming into my room, but she doesn't say anything. She just takes off her shoes and lies next to me, looking up at the ceiling.

I'm first to break the silence, "How did it go?"

She keeps looking at the ceiling while we talk, "As well as it could have. She settled in and I spoke to Desi for a while, things will be okay Alex."

But all I can do is scoff, "That's easy for you to say."

"It's not, actually."

I can't tell if she's tired or annoyed at me, "It's not easy for me to work my ass off and still not be able to fix things, for any of the kids I work with. I tried really hard to convince my bosses to let Piper stay with me, but they still moved her. It's never been easy for me, Alex."

Now I feel like a complete asshole, I've been so stuck in my own head, it makes it easy to forget about Irene's feelings. I roll over and force myself to look at her, she reaches out and pushes a few strands of hair behind my ear.

"And its never been easy seeing you go through a rough time. From the very start, when I saw the home you were growing up in, to see how hard it was for you to adjust to a normal life. You were the first kid I ever felt like I really helped, and I want you to be okay."

Now the emotions are really swirling in my chest, and I try to blink away my tears. All I can do is reach out and hug her, and I let myself breathe, "I am okay."

"That's not what I mean sweetie. I want you to have a normal life, to feel safe and happy in your own home. You wouldn't have run away from Desi if you felt safe."

I pull her in a little closer, "I feel safe here with you."

She pulls back and sighs, she looks so tired, "I'll do everything I can to make sure you stay here with me, no matter what the Department says."

We stay like that for a while, I think this is the closest I've ever felt to Irene. Her support has been so important to me over the years, and she's never given up on me. It would be great to get to stay with her, we know each other so well and I trust her. I'm sure Diane probably wants me to live with her one day, but I don't think that will ever happen. I've hardly seen her since I was in the hospital, I'm not even sure if she's gone into rehab yet. There are so many questions I want to ask her about my dad and his time in prison, I need to call her tomorrow.

Irene eventually goes to have a shower and leaves behind her phone, knowing Piper will probably be calling soon. I grip the phone in my hands until it finally rings. I'm so anxious, I don't even know what to say when I answer.

"Pipes, are you okay?"

That's the single question that will forever be running through my head while she's with Desi.

"I'm fine, really."

"What happened when you got there?"

She starts describing everything that happened since she got there, making it all sound so mundane and normal, it makes me uncomfortable.

"Al, I promise, everything's okay. We talked, he's been fine, nothing bad has happened. We just talked about senior year and college. I promise I'm okay."

She's putting too much emphasis on the fact that she's okay, "I just...I'm worried."

"He's been fine tonight, you have nothing to worry about. Plus, we get to see each other at school tomorrow."

"I know..."

I need to get a grip on my emotions, I don't want to sound pathetic, but all I want to do is tell her how much I'm gonna miss her.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I end the call with Alex and rest my phone on my stomach. I'm lying in bed, still in my clothes with the lights on. I close my eyes and think about what I just told Alex, that I was fine, there was nothing to worry about. It was all a lie, but I did it to protect her. She will be so angry if she ever finds out, I can't let that happen. Desi doesn't make empty threats, and so long as he keeps his hands off me, I'll keep telling Alex that everything is fine.

I refuse to be the reason that she gets hurt again.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

The night goes so slowly, but the next day is finally here. Even though it's only been one night, I can't stop thinking about seeing Piper, I'm so fucking anxious. Just knowing where she's been makes me feel uncomfortable, knowing that I'm not there to protect her.

I practically run down the school hall until I find Piper standing next to her locker. She looks perfect, and I'm so fucking relieved. That's how it is for the rest of the week. Every morning before class I meet Piper at her locker so I can start the day knowing she's okay. Just getting to see her in that moment, getting to kiss her and touch her, washes away all the anxiety that's built up in my body overnight. So it's no surprise that when she's not at her locker Friday morning, I immediately panic.

I look up to see Frieda walking towards me, "C'mon, let's head to class before the bell goes."

It's not long before she sees the sheer desperation in my eyes. I gotta say, Frieda and Nicky have helped me alot this week, but especially Frieda. She's sat there and listened to me talk non stop, and she knows how to calm me down. I've relied heavily on both of my friends this week.

"She's not fucking here!"

Frieda steps closer and puts a hand on my shoulder, she can see how uncomfortable I am.

"Calm down, what are you talking about?"

"Piper! I haven't seen her this morning, have you?"

Frieda shakes her head, and my anxiety spikes again, "Fuck!"

Before Frieda can even attempt to calm me down, that bitch Jessica Wedge walks right by us.

"Bad start to the day Vause? Let me guess, Piper's joined your mum in rehab?"

That's it, in that moment I don't even care if I get suspended again, it'll be worth it. I don't miss a beat as I grab the collar of her preppy shirt and slam her into Piper's locker as hard as I can. I don't get the opportunity to fully appreciate how badly I want to hit her as I hear Ms Mendoza's voice booming behind me.

"Alex! Let her go right now!"

I feel like a raging bull when I shove Jessica back into the hallway. I can't help but smile at the look on her face.

"She attacked me!"

Mendoza gives me a look that could kill before she turns her attention back to Jessica.

"I will deal with this Jessica, go to class."

"She needs to be suspended!"

"I said get to class!"

Jessica finally takes the hint and turns on her heels before storming off. The look on Frieda's face makes it clear she can't quite believe what just happened and heads off to class before Mendoza can say anything.

Then it's just the two of us left in the hallway, staring at each other.

"Get in my office, _now._ "

There's no mistaking that tone, and I follow her into that familiar office. We sit across from each other, and she looks seriously pissed off.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I don't think we have enough time to get into that."

"This isn't a joke!"

It's not just anger in her eyes, but I can't quite figure it out.

"What the hell were you doing out there?"

"Nothing," I'm hoping she'll say her piece and let me go, but it's never that easy.

"Bulshit it was nothing. What do you think would've happened if _any_ other teacher had seen that?"

I know exactly what would've happened, but I don't care. All I care about is finding out if Piper is okay.

"Alex, you gotta start talking to me. What the hell happened out there?"

"You really wanna know? Fine, she asked me if Piper was in rehab with my mum. And you know what? I'm sick of you expecting me to stand there and take her bulshit. You _never_ drag her in here, it's only ever me. I don't even care anymore, I feel like _shit_ today."

I slowly exhale and lean back into the chair, fuck that felt good. Even Mendoza manages a smile.

"Alex, you get dragged in here because you fly off the handle. I'm not saying what Jessica does is okay, but you gotta learn to ignore it. She's been spoken to plenty of times."

"Well it's obviously not working."

"No, you're probably right."

We spend a few moments staring at each other before she breaks the silence, "Wanna talk?"

"About what?"

"About what's got you so pissed off today."

I think about it for a while before eventually deciding that I don't have the energy to hold all this inside me anymore.

"Piper's been sent back to Desi."

Her expression changes straight away, "And you're staying with Irene?"

"Yeah..."

"I'm sorry kid, I know that's not what you want. You worried about her?"

I look at her and nod, "I couldn't find her this morning, I freaked out."

I know that Irene has talked to Gloria about everything that's happened with Desi, so she knows exactly why I'm so worried. She doesn't say anything and reaches for her desk phone, I have no idea what she's doing. She speaks quietly into the phone but I still hear her say Piper's name. She walks around the desk and kneels in front of me once the call is over.

"Piper's in class, she was running late this morning, everything's okay."

It's impossible for me to describe how relieved I am, "Okay, thanks for checking."

I go to leave but she stops me and I sit back down, "Next time you start to feel like you're losing control, come straight to my office. It doesn't matter if I'm not here, just come in and have some alone time, try to calm yourself down. I'll talk to Jessica again, but you can't let her get under your skin. You got it?"

This is the first time anyone at school has given me this type of sanctuary, "Yeah, got it."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

Breakfast with Desi was so awkward this morning. I was surprised when he knocked on the bedroom door and woke me up, saying breakfast was ready. I was hoping he'd already be at work, things have been so weird between us all week, I can't be bothered dealing with him.

He tried his best to act normal, but there was one question I had to ask him.

"Can I go to Irene's house after school?" It's Friday night, I've been coming straight home after school every day this week, all I want is some proper alone time with Alex. I miss her, and I want to make sure she's okay. I feel completely lost without her every night when I go to bed.

He glares at me over his coffee, "No."

"Why not?" I _need_ to see her.

"You know why." He doesn't waste any time and puts his dishes in the sink before walking out the front door.

I keep sitting at the kitchen table, my fists are clenched so tightly that my knuckles are white. He can't keep me away from her forever, I won't let him. So I take the decision out of his hands, and call Irene.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I finally see Piper at the start of lunch and practically run towards her, wrapping her up in a hug as soon as I'm close enough. I don't want to say anything, and let myself focus on the hug, on her smell. It's that familiarity that helps me feel more grounded than I have all day.

"I was worried when you weren't around this morning."

She kisses me on the cheek, "Sorry Al, I just lost track of time."

I'm not sure I believe her, "Did something happen?"

"No, I'm just really tired today. But I have good news." She's got a huge smile on her face.

"We're having a sleep over tonight. Irene cleared it all with Desi this morning."

I lean in to kiss her on the lips and hug her again. I can't fucking wait to spend the night with her, "Are you fucking serious?"

"Yes I'm serious!"

"I can't wait to spend the night with you."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

Seeing Alex's smile when I tell her I'm sleeping over is worth any reaction from Desi, she hasn't smiled like this all week. He can't stop me from seeing Alex, I won't let that happen.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N**

 **Hi guys, sorry I've been gone for so long, had a bit on my mind. I will finish this story, hoping to return to updates every couple weeks,. I won't leave it so long again. Hope you like Chapter 15.**

 **Cheers.**

 **Chapter 15**

Desi was so angry with me after Irene called him about the sleepover, but I won't tell anyone, this is my chance to actually protect Alex. Of course Irene was perfectly happy to say yes, and all Desi could do was stand there and smile as he spoke to her on the phone about it. But that smile disappeared as soon as he hung up, he glared at me for what felt like forever. He didn't even say goodbye, he just walked out the front door, leaving me to catch the bus to school.

I'm not sure what's worse, him yelling at me or ignoring me. I can't tell what he's thinking, but there's no doubt that he's not happy.

I write him a note before I leave for school, saying that I'll be back tomorrow afternoon, secretly hoping that Irene will bring me back here and stick around for a while. But none of that matters now, I have the day at school and then get to spend all afternoon and night with Alex. That's the part I need to focus on, it doesn't matter what happens tomorrow.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

Alex and I don't even really speak on the bus ride back to Irene's house after school. We sit towards the back of the bus, shoulders touching, enjoying being next to each other. I keep hearing Desi's words in the back of my mind, the fact that he wants to keep me away from Alex. But he can't do that, not with Irene around.

I feel Alex's fingers intertwine with my own as she pulls me out of our seat, it's our stop.

She leads me down the street towards Irene's house, "This is nice."

All I can do is smile, "Yeah, it is."

It's not much longer before she asks the question that I'm sure has been on her mind all day, "How's Desi?"

"He's fine."

"Just fine?"

It would be nice to tell her the truth, but not yet, I need tonight with her, I need this night without any drama.

"Yes Al, he's left me alone. I don't wanna talk about him anymore, let's just have a good night."

"Yeah, you're right."

We turn a corner and see Irene's house in the distance, we have at least two hours alone until she gets home. Alex opens the door for me and we head straight to her small bedroom. I feel her hands on my waist as soon as we're in that room. She's standing behind me and pulls me against her, resting her chin on my shoulder, "What do you feel like doing?"

I know exactly what I want and turn around until we're face to face. I finally let myself relax for the first time all day when I finally kiss her properly. I don't want to stop and after a few moments lean my head against her chest and wrap my arms around her.

We end up spending the rest of our afternoon in Alex's room, lying in the small bed together. We talk about school for a while before falling asleep. I don't even realise we've fallen asleep until Irene knocks on the bedroom door and walks in. I don't wake up until she's walked into the room and I can hear her voice. I slowly move my head from Alex's chest and notice she's awake, but she pulls me back down against her body.

I still feel awkward whenever Irene sees us together like this. I know she doesn't care about us dating, and she's never gotten angry at us for sleeping in the same bed or lying together, but it's just hard wired into me. Maybe it's because I know how much my parents would hate it, especially my mother. I'm meant to be seeing her again next week for dinner, I can't deny she seems better lately. But she's still got no warmth, at least not in comparison to Irene. I can even see the warmth between Alex and Diane, even if I don't completely understand how Alex has forgiven Diane for everything that happened when she was a kid.

Irene walks towards us with a smile and sits on the edge of the bed, "What do you girls feel like for dinner?"

Alex sits up and leans against the wall, "Whatever's easy, I don't mind." I sit myself next to Alex and nod in agreement.

"Okay, I'll see what we've got. How was school? Alex, please tell me you're staying away from Jessica?"

I don't even need to look at Alex to know she's rolling her eyes, "I haven't gone anywhere near her, but that doesn't stop her from making trouble for me."

"I know, just do what you can to stay away from her. Did you have a session with Gloria today?"

"No, I'll see her on Monday."

Now Irene turns her attention to me, "How was your day Piper? Everything okay with Desi this morning?"

The automatic response rolls off my tongue without me even stopping to think. My day was fine, and there were no issues with Desi. Which isn't a complete lie, school actually was fine, and it's not like Desi did anything to me this morning. It's not much longer before Irene leaves the room, and Alex pulls me back down onto the bed. I feel her fingers slip under my t-shirt as she leans over me, and I don't want to wait any longer to kiss her again.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

It's nearly midnight but neither of us are ready to sleep. We're both still in the lounge room watching some crappy horror movie on TV. I'm sitting at one end of the couch while Piper is lying down, her legs stretched across my lap. I want to make the most of the time we have alone together. I know it sounds dramatic, but I don't want to take it for granted. I used to get to spend every night with her, but not anymore. Now I only really see her at school, and I'm sure Desi won't let her sleep over every weekend.

I'm about to change the channel when Piper sits up, "Hey, you never actually showed me the sketches you did of me. I think I've waited long enough to see your masterpiece." She smiles and leans in to kiss me, which automatically makes me smile.

"Oh yeah, I guess I just forgot."

She playfully hits me in the arm, "You did not forget! C'mon, I wanna see it." She keeps pleading with me until I finally give in. I leave her on the couch while I go collect the sketch book from under my bed. I've let her look at all my other drawings, but it feels different letting her see sketches that I've done of her. I'm kinda paranoid she won't like them. But drawing her is so different to drawing anything else. It all just flowed so easily, and I found myself drawing her again and again. Always from a different angle, always from the best memories I have of her.

My hands are almost shaking when I sit back down on the couch and hand her the book. She flicks towards the back and sees all the pictures, there are maybe three or four sketches of her in the book, and she takes her time looking at each one. She spends the most time looking at the last picture, which is a sketch of her sitting on the back porch at Irene's house. I remember that exact moment, I'd gone inside to grab us some drinks and came back out to see her looking out into the yard, the smallest amount of wind in her hair. She kept looking out into the yard, but it was the look on her face that stuck in my mind. She looked so calm, aside from the fact that she looked beautiful, it almost made me jealous. I wished I could feel half as calm as she looked in that moment. Then I remembered that sometimes I do feel that calm, but it's only when I'm with her, especially at night time. Those were the calmest moments for me, and I needed to capture it.

She keeps staring at the pictures without saying anything, "So, do you like them?"

It takes a few moments before she manages to look at me, "Al, these are beautiful. I love them."

She flicks through the sketches one more time before putting the book down and wrapping her arms around my neck, "I love you."

At this point I'm glad she can't see the emotion on my face, "I love you too."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

The whole night with Alex made me feel calm again, even when it was time for Irene to drive me back to Desi's house. I felt content, for now at least, and I won't let Desi ruin that for me. I asked Alex if I could take one her sketches with me, and of course she said yes and insisted I take the whole book.

 _This one's nearly full, just take it, I've already started a new one._

There's no way I was going to say no and took the sketch book from her and kissed her goodbye, "I'll see you at school on Monday."

"Yeah, Monday," her voice sounded strained on those last few words but I let it go. I know it's not just the fact that we won't see each other for the rest of the weekend, it's the fact that I'm going back to Desi. That's the part that makes her nervous, and I wish I could take it away.

I whisper in her ear while I hug her, "I promise everything is fine with Desi, please stop worrying so much."

She doesn't say anything when I pull back from the hug, and gives me one more smile as I walk out the door with Irene.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

Diane stops by Irene's house on Saturday afternoon, while Irene is dropping Piper back to Desi. I've been feeling uneasy ever since Piper and Irene left the house, so I'm glad for the company.

We sit on the back porch and she looks nervous. It doesn't take her long to start talking, and the reason for her nerves becomes painfully clear, "Irene helped me find a good rehab center, they're holding a spot for me, I'm heading out there in the morning."

Fuck, I wasn't expecting her to go into rehab so quickly. The reality is that I don't want her to go, not now. I only just found her, and things are so messed up at the moment, I need her. I can't stop fidgeting the bottom of my t-shirt, "How long will you be gone?"

"Probably one month, maybe a little longer," she reaches across and holds my hand, forcing me to let go of my t-shirt.

"That's a long time," I know she needs to go, that getting clean will be so hard for her, but I'll still miss her and I'll still worry. Once she finishes rehab she'll need to find a new place to live, which will mean getting a real job. She can't go back to living with drug dealers, she'll never stay clean when she's with them.

"I can call you after I've settled in, I won't just disappear."

She's stuck around this long, so I decide to keep believing in her, it's the only way things will get better. But I can't completely kill that faint voice in the back of my head, telling me I might never see her again. It's like she knows what I'm thinking, and tries to ease my mind.

"I mean it Alex, I'm not leaving this time..."

We keep sitting there in silence, she eventually starts talking again, "Having you back in my life, its made me realise how much I fucked up. I know I've been a shitty mum, I should've protected you from your father, and I should've protected you from Desi."

 _Fuck, she's never admitted any fault before, how the fuck am I meant to react to this..._

"That's why I wanna get clean, I want you to come live with me eventually, if that's what you want..."

I lean back and run my hands through my hair while I exhale, "That's why I went looking for you in the first place."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

Diane is gone by the time Irene gets back, and I'm feeling pretty flat. She walks into the lounge room and sits next to me on the couch, "Did you have a good night?"

I try to snap out of it, "Yeah, yeah of course. Thanks for letting her stay over."

"I don't mind Piper staying over occasionally, I know how close you girls are. So long as you're doing okay at school and going to your sessions with Gloria, she can sleep over."

I sit there and nod, not really taking anything in, "Why didn't you tell me Diane was going into rehab?"

I hear her inhale quickly, "She wanted to tell you herself. When did you talk to her about this?"

"While you were dropping off Piper, she stopped by."

"What did she about it?"

"Not much, just that you'd helped her find a good place, and she's leaving tomorrow."

She moves closer to me on the couch and puts a hand on my shoulder, "Sweetie, I'm sorry you found out like that. I didn't know she was checking in so quickly."

"It's okay..."

"How do you feel about it?"

But my mind is somewhere else, "Do you think, that maybe one day, I could live with Diane?"

Irene sighs, "Alex, that's not up to me."

"I know, but you can tell me if it's even a possibility, if your bosses would ever let me stay with her again."

Another sigh, "After everything that's happened in your life, I think it would be really hard for Diane to get you back."

It's the answer I was expecting, but I still want to know more, I need to know more, "But what if rehab works and she gets clean, then maybe she could get a job and her own place..."

Irene stops me before I can take it any further, "That's a lot of if's Alex."

I know it's the truth, but it still hurts to hear her say it, "I know."

Now she turns off the TV, "Just getting clean, that will take her a long time. Finishing rehab wouldn't be enough, she'd need to prove to the Department that she could stay clean for at least 12 months. Then on top of that she needs to find a job and a place to live. I'm not saying she can't do all those things, I'm just saying she's got a lot to prove to a lot of people."

I keep staring at my hands. Part of it makes me feel like an idiot, the fact that I even want Diane in my life. Most people would say that I should hate her, maybe they're right, I don't know anymore. Life could've been so different if she wasn't a drug addict, if she stood up to my dad, maybe I could've had a normal life. But I'll never know, and it's not like she had a great life either. All I know is that she's not the one that did all those horrible things to me, even if she stood by and didn't stop them.

And deep down, I still need to believe that my mother is good, I need to believe that she loves me, that she wants me.

Irene's voice draws me out of my own head, "Are you okay?"

I shrug my shoulders, it's impossible to answer that question.

"Alex, I'll do everything I can to help Diane. I don't hate her, but I've gotta be honest and say that I can't forgive her for all the things she let happen to you. Maybe that's not fair, but I can't help it."

"I know, I'm not saying I forgive her for everything that happened, I just want her back. Does that even make sense?"

"Of course it makes sense, she's your mother."

We keep sitting on the couch and Irene eventually turns the TV back on, "How about we watch a movie? I'll even let you order in for dinner."

"Deal."

I know that looking after me is part of her job, but our relationship is so much more than that. She didn't need to take me in, she didn't need to do any of the extra things she does for me, but she does it all anyway. She really cares, for so long, she was the only one that truly cared about me. I'll never forget that.

Irene goes into the kitchen while I order pizza and garlic bread. Ten minutes later she's still not back, so I go looking for her. I walk towards the kitchen when I hear her voice, she sounds angry and I stop in the hallway. I stay standing just outside the kitchen, it doesn't take me long to work out who she's talking to you.

 _"What the hell is wrong with you! We agreed that I'd be there when you told her!_

I move closer to the doorway...

 _"I don't care Diane! She needs stability right now, you can't just show up and tell her you're leaving tomorrow!_

Irene sounds so emotional, her voice is starting to crack.

 _"Because I'm the one that's always there for her, not you._

The silence sets in and Irene nearly walks right into me, "Shit! Alex..."

She looks so flustered, but I don't let her walk past me, "Thanks for standing up for me."

We share a glance and she slips a hand around my shoulders as we walk back into the lounge room.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Saturday night at home with Irene is exactly what I need. Just hearing the way she defended me on the phone to Diane, the sound of her voice, I could tell she was serious. Even though I miss Piper, hearing those words from Irene makes me feel so much better, I can actually relax. We don't even say much to each other, but it's not awkward. We eat pizza and watch two movies, sitting next to each other on the couch.

She can't stop yawning by the end of the second movie, "Sounds like you need to go to bed."

She stretches out her arms and yawns again, "Mmhhhh, I think you're right, and I get to sleep in tomorrow."

"You're not going to work?"

"Nope, for once I get the whole weekend off. Is there anything you feel like doing?"

I know she's trying to distract me from the fact that Diane is now officially in rehab. Usually I'd tell her to not worry about it, that she doesn't need to spend her weekend babysitting me. But I actually really like the idea of doing stuff with her, normal stuff that doesn't involve Desi or the Department.

I stop and think about it, "Maybe we could go for a drive?"

She thinks about it for a moment and then smiles, "We can do that."

It's not much longer before she goes to bed, "I'm exhausted, I need to call it a night. Come and wake me up in the morning, we can go out for breakfast and then hit the road."

I let my body relax again as she places a hand on my shoulder, "Goodnight, don't stay up too late."

I already know that tomorrow will be a good day.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

It was such a good weekend, and I feel so much more relaxed than I usually do on a Monday morning. Fuck, I'm in such a good mood when I wake up that I make bacon and eggs for both me and Irene. It's nearly 7:30am, she's usually up by now, so I knock on her bedroom door to check if she's awake.

She opens the door and I don't waste any time, "C'mon, I made us breakfast."

I practically pull her out of her room, still in her pyjamas, and sit her down at the kitchen table.

We both sip on orange juice and let ourselves wake up properly, she still looks pretty tired.

"Alex, I had no idea you could cook, this is great," she shoots me a smile, but I can tell she's holding back something.

"Is everything okay?"

She keeps eating but there's no missing her sigh, "Everything is okay, but there's something I need to tell you. I just got a call from Desi, your dad was arrested last week, he's back in prison."

My heart really starts racing, I've gotten damn good at pretending my dad doesn't exist, but the mere mention of him now makes me panic. Irene must notice the look on my face, "Are you okay? We don't need to talk about it if you don't want to."

I look down at my own hands, "I...I just haven't thought about him for a long time. I don't know what to say. This morning I woke up thinking about how good the weekend was, now this..."

Irene gets up and walks around to my side of the table. She puts an arm around my shoulders and pulls me against her, "It was a good weekend, and there will be so many more. You don't need to say anything, but I didn't want to hide this from you."

My heart rate will not slow down, "Why did Desi call you?"

"He wanted me to know, especially now that Diane is back in the picture."

I'm still so confused by Desi's behaviour. He gave me such a hard time over the last 12 months, but he still tries to act like he cares.

Irene sits in the chair next to me, she immediately puts her arm back around me, "Hey, you're safe here with me. Lee is not allowed anywhere near you, neither is Desi. You're gonna keep staying with me until we work out something more permanent."

"What about Piper?"

As much as I might be able to push Lee to the back of my mind, I still think about Piper being stuck with Desi every fucking day.

"The Department want her to stay with Desi for now. But I promise I'm trying to get her out of there."

I know I put a lot of pressure on Irene, I know that she's not a miracle worker, but I need her to try.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I only get to see Piper for a few minutes before classes start, but it's better than nothing. Every morning when I see her standing at the lockers, it's a huge relief. I don't say anything to her about my dad being in prison. I get so little time with her at the moment, I want all of our interactions to be happy, I _need_ them to be happy.

I'm a little surprised when she kisses me on the lips at her locker, in front of everyone. Not that anyone really cares about it, she just hasn't been that forward at school before, at least not in the morning hallways.

"Hey Al," she smiles and I for a brief moment I manage to forget about my dad.

"Hey, how was the rest of your weekend?"

"Surprisingly productive. I got my English and Math assignments out of the way, so I was thinking we could have another sleep over this Friday?"

"That sounds fucking perfect."

Knowing that Piper might be sleeping over again this Friday night will be enough to get me through the rest of this week. If I get my own assignments done during the week, we might even be able to hang out on Saturday as well. Maybe we could do something with Irene, it might even feel like being in a real family. All of this is enough to make me actually concentrate on my morning classes, I'm not even tired by the time the lunch bell rings.

Nicky is home sick and I'm not sure where Piper is, so I end up having lunch with Frieda. I'm kinda glad to have some alone time with her, because as much as I want to stay focused on the positives, I need to talk to someone about my dad.

We're sitting at the end of the school oval when I finally work up the courage to say something, "My dad's back in prison."

Her eyes dart up immediately, "Fuck... what happened?"

"I'm not sure, Irene told me this morning, but I don't think she knows much. It must have something to do with drugs."

I can see Frieda's brain going into overdrive when I look into her eyes. She knows everything that happened with my dad when I was growing up, and she knows how much I hate him.

"Desi must know why he's in there," I haven't spoken to Desi since that night I ended up in the hospital. But something inside me is telling me to call him.

In that moment it's as though Frieda has read my mind, "Don't you fucking dare talk to Desi about this."

I don't even respond, which only makes her more annoyed, "Things have been semi-calm the last couple weeks, you should want to keep it that way."

"I know, Irene won't let me near him anyway. It's just... I need to know if my dad is saying shit to him again, like he did last time. Irene was meant to find out more about what happened the last time Lee was in prison, but she never said anything else to me about it. Don't you find it weird that Lee said all this fucked up stuff to Desi and attacked someone?"

She passes me her apple without breaking eye contact, "Yeah, it's weird. But that doesn't mean you should be talking to him, or your dad. Just stay away from the prison, c'mon Alex."

Now she's practically pleading with me to leave it alone, but I don't want to. I'm not willing to ignore this just to make sure things stay quiet. I deserve to know what actually happened between Desi and Lee, "Frieds, don't look at me like that."

"I'm also pretty sure Piper wouldn't want you getting involved in this crazy shit."

"Why is it so crazy to want to know why my dad is in prison again!"

I'm starting to get agitated and I half expect her to yell at me, but she doesn't. Instead, she leans over and whispers, "Because of what he did to you, Alex. That's why it's crazy, because he ruined your fucking life, more than once. Your life has finally started to get better, and he's just gonna ruin it all over again if you let him."

There's absolutely no come back to what she just said, because it's all true.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I don't see Piper much for the rest of the day and end up deciding to walk home. It takes me about an hour but it's a nice afternoon, it gives me a chance to clear my head. I manage to stay relatively relaxed for most of the day, but I still can't stop thinking about my dad.

I'm not really paying attention to anything when I walk through the front door of Irene's house, and I'm surprised when I find her sitting at the kitchen table.

"Hey, what are you doing home so early?"

She looks happy enough, but she's never at home during the afternoon on a weekday, "I spoke to your mum today."

My heart jumps into my throat straight away, I don't know what to say, "Okay... How's she doing?"

"I think she's feeling pretty tired, but she sounded positive. It sounds like she's settled in, she asked about you. I said she could talk to you if she called before dinner."

Of course I want to talk to her, so why do I feel almost annoyed at her...

"Alex, do you want to talk to her?"

"Yeah, yeah I guess so."

I don't want to talk about Diane, and change the subject immediately, "Have you heard anymore about Lee?"

"No, sorry sweetie."

I pour myself a glass of water, "What if you called Desi? He might have gotten more information today. Or I could even call him."

Now she looks serious, "Alex, I don't want you talking to Desi."

"It wouldn't be in person, I'd only be over the phone, and only to see if he knows anything else about Lee. And what about everything you said about Lee talking to Desi the last time he was in prison."

I was starting to ramble and Irene knew it, "Alex, you need to slow down."

"I am calm, but I mean, you never said anything else about what happened the last time Lee was in prison. Desi knew him, they spoke. Now he's back there, I don't like the idea that Lee could be saying whatever the hell he wants about me."

I manage to keep my cool and sit across from her. Everyone is always telling me to be more open and honest with my feelings, and here I am trying to put that into practice. She stayed quiet for a few moments, it was almost like she didn't know what to say.

"I honestly don't have any more information about what happened the last time Lee was in prison, I'm still trying to find out. I promise I'll be honest with you if I do get any new information. But in the meantime, I need you to keep being patient, and I need you to stay away from Desi."

"I'm not afraid of him," I'm not trying to be difficult or combative, but I want her to know that right now I'm not scared of Desi.

She smiles, "I don't doubt that. But the department have agreed with me that you need to stay away from him after what happened. I know there's still a lot going on, but lets keep focusing on the positives."

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I finally get some more proper alone time with Piper the next day after school. Desi is working the afternoon shift and won't get home until after dinner. It's been so long since we walked to the creek, I didn't realise how much I missed it. It reminds me of when Piper first moved in with Desi during the summer holidays. We had so much time together and could do whatever we wanted. We spent so much time here and at the lake, it was nice. Now here we are again, and I can see Piper's mind ticking over.

"Pipes, talk to me."

She hums and leans into my chest, "I've missed this place."

"Me too," I kiss the top of her head and enjoy the afternoon sun.

It's not much longer before Piper admits there's something wrong, "I had breakfast with my mum this morning. Apparently her and dad are living together again."

"Shit..." I'm a little surprised that Carol is willing to go back to Bill after all the cheating was exposed, her denial skills are better than I thought.

"She's been getting so much better with her drinking, now I feel like it's all gonna fall apart again. Why the hell is she taking him back?"

Piper is looking at me, so confused and hurt, but there's nothing I can say.

"I don't know..."

"I know exactly what will happen. They'll get back together, he'll start cheating again, then she'll start drinking again. I'm never gonna get back home, I'm not even sure I want to anymore."

I try to pull her in closer but she sits up suddenly, "Fuck them, I'm nearly 18, I don't ever need to live with them again. I'm going to college as soon as high school is over, I'll apply for a scholarship, I'll get a job..."

She's starting to ramble and I reach out to grab her shoulders, but she pushes me away and stands up.

"I don't need them! _We_ don't need them..."

I stay sitting on the grass and she's looking at me, her eyes almost pleading with me to agree with her. And she's right, once we're 18 we can do what we like, but that's almost 3 years away for me. Until then, I'm still stuck in the system, and right now 3 years feels like an eternity. I don't want to bring her down, so I try to stay positive.

"You're right, I guess we just need to be patient until then."

She starts pacing in front of me, "Next year I'll be 17, we won't be stuck here forever."

"I know, you're right."

I reach out and she takes my hand, "I don't want my mum to go back to him, they're no good together. But it's the only world she knows. I don't think I can go back to living with both of them under the same roof. I know he'll keep seeing other women, that's what started this whole thing in the first place. She could never accept it, she _hated_ me for telling her about it. That's so fucked up, and my dad never even tried to control her drinking, or the way she treated me. Waiting for college seems like my only real option, and you're only 1 year younger than me, it won't..."

I interrupt her before she can keep going, "Pipes, I really don't see myself going to college. I've got no money, and no ones ever gonna give me a scholarship."

That one sentence just destroyed all my attempts at not upsetting her, because now she looks even more sad and annoyed.

"Al, you're really fucking smart! You could get a scholarship if you studied really hard, I can help you, we can help each other."

At this point I don't even want to think about college or trying to get a scholarship, there's too much happening right now in front of me. I don't even know what I'd study at college, or what type of career I'd want, all I've ever been good at is drawing. But it feels like she just needs me to agree with her, she needs that reassurance, and she's right, anything could happen over the next 3 years.

"Well, when you put it like that..."

She smiles and sits next to me again, and I'm glad that she's focusing on all the good things that could happen in the future. All I can think about is my dad and Desi, I still haven't told Piper that my dad is back in prison. Things have been relatively quiet and I want to keep it that way. We stay sitting in the afternoon sun and plan another sleep over at Nicky's house during the mid-term break.

 **0-0-0-0-0**

I feel like I'm floating on a cloud by the time I get back to Irene's house, all because I got to spend alone time with Piper. I lie down on the couch and don't even realise I'm half asleep, not until I hear Irene's voice in the background, waking me up. At first I can't quite make out what she's saying, I can only understand bits and pieces, but it's enough to make me sit up immediately.

 _"Diane, why would you agree to visit him!?"_

Fuck, fuck fuck fuck

 _"You're meant to be getting clean for Alex, going to see him as soon as you check out of rehab is a really shitty idea. My god, you ran away from him for 2 years! He treated both you and Alex like dirt, and now that he's in trouble again, he wants your help."_

I'd love to know what Diane is saying in response, but then again, I'm not sure I want to hear her trying to defend Lee in any way.

 _"Your number 1 priority has to be Alex, not Lee. He cannot be anywhere near her, and I will not let her visit him."_

It's hard to hear what she's saying next, but I manage to pick up the main parts.

 _"He's using you..."_

 _"Drug addict..."_

But her next words are loud and clear.

 _"How can you see him again after what he did to Alex?"_

 **A/N**

 **This chapter was very much focused on Alex's pov, we'll see more of Piper's pov in the next chapter. We will also get to see more happy times for the girls during the mid-term break :)**

 **Cheers.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

I really want to be able to defend Diane, but this might be one step too far. I sit up on the couch and stare at the blank TV screen.

 _She's going to visit him…_

After everything he did to me, after all her talk about how much she missed me and how badly she wanted to make up for the past, she still goes running to him when he calls. That is a hard pill to swallow, maybe too hard.

I can't hear Irene's voice anymore, she must be off the phone. My first instinct is to pretend I didn't hear anything and lie back down, but then something else kicks in, it's a small voice in the back of my mind, telling me something I already know but so easily forget….

 _Irene puts you first, talk to her._

I pull myself off the couch and slowly walk into the kitchen to see Irene looking in the fridge, "I heard what you said."

She practically jumps as soon as soon as I speak, "Alex! You scared me. What did you hear?"

"I heard you talking to Diane, she's going to see Lee."

I'm pretty sure I can hear Irene mumble a quick _fuck_ under her breath, "I'm sorry sweetie, I thought you were asleep, I didn't want you to hear about it like that."

I take a seat at the kitchen table, I feel completely numb, "It's okay."

"No Alex, it's not."

She sits next to me and stares straight ahead, "Your mum is feeling vulnerable right now, rehab isn't easy. I don't even know how Lee managed to get her number, I'm not sure I want to know."

I feel so let down by Diane, "You don't need to keep defending her."

Irene starts talking again but I stop her, "No, it's the truth. I feel like she's picking him over me, what did she say?"

I can see Irene thinking about it, deciding whether to tell me the truth, but the pained look on her face gives it away, and I know what I'm about to hear is all true.

"Your dad called her.."

"Wait, don't call him that, he was never a dad to me." The fact is that I need to distance myself from what Lee really is, I can't bring myself to think of him as my father after living through his abuses. In my mind he's just become another stranger, another person that made my life hell.

I keep my eyes focussed on the table top and wait for Irene to start talking again.

"Okay sweetie. Lee managed to find out where you mum is staying and he called her. He told her he needs money and that he wanted her to visit him. She said she wants to go see him when she's out of rehab. I'm guessing you heard what I said to her."

"Yeah…. But why did she say yes?"

Irene sighs, "I'm not sure, I think it's just an old habit that's hard to break. Lee was all she knew for a long time, and now she's in a totally different environment. Just the process of detoxing, it's not easy. But I know Lee well enough to know that both you and Diane should stay away from him, he's no good for either of you."

"But she still wants to see him," I can't stop thinking about the fact that he will probably be the first person she sees when she gets out of rehab. Instead of coming to see me, she's going to visit that asshole.

I feel Irene put an arm around my shoulders and pull me in close, "It's not that simple Alex, I'm hoping that she'll change her mind once she gets further into rehab, once her mind is clearer."

Even if she does change her mind later on, I'm not sure I'll forgive her. I know Desi won't let Piper come here tonight, but I need someone else to talk to.

"Can I go to Frieda's place?"

I feel Irene squeeze my shoulder, "Not tonight Alex. It's not that I don't trust you, but I want to make sure you're safe. Please stay here tonight."

"What if she comes here?"

Irene eventually agrees to let Frieda come over, I think she's worried that I'll leave the house anyway if Frieda doesn't come over. Frieda's dad drops her off an hour later and she eats dinner with us, but I'm so impatient for it to be over, "Can we go for a walk after dinner?"

I'm practically begging Irene to let us go but she won't budge, which means she must really be worried.

"Why don't you guys stay in tonight? I've got some work to catch up on so you'll have the lounge room to yourself, settle in with a movie."

Frieda doesn't wait for me to speak, "Sounds like a plan, it's you, me and the TV tonight Vause."

I don't want to admit it but Irene looks relieved, I don't even really have the energy to be annoyed. I know Irene is responsible for me when I'm living with her, but I really wanted to get out of the house tonight. I stay sitting at the table with Frieda while Irene clears the dishes and goes to do work in her room.

Frieda bumps my shoulder once we're alone, "Staying in with a movie isn't so bad."

I keep fidgeting and looking at the table top, "I guess so."

"Did something happen today?"

"Yeah….."

Frieda doesn't say anything, I know she's waiting for me to start talking when I'm ready.

"Remember how I told you Lee's back in prison?"

"Yeah, that's kinda hard to forget."

"Well, he called Diane, she's gonna visit him once she's out of rehab."

I don't say anything else, I want to hear Frieda's reaction.

"Does that really surprise you?"

I don't know why, but I'm starting to feel defensive, "A little bit!"

Frieda drags me out of the kitchen and we sit on the back porch, it's actually a really nice night, it would've been perfect if everything in my life wasn't completely fucked up.

"Diane stayed with Lee for years, even after everything he did, she still stayed. She only left him after you got taken away."

"And, what's your point? She still left him, she hasn't seen him for two years. She keeps telling me that she's missed me, that she regrets disappearing, so why the fuck would she agree to see him now?"

"Maybe she still loves him."

Those words make me feel physically ill, I can't sit still anymore. I stand up from the back porch and start walking around the back yard. I can't decide whether or not I'm going to vomit, so I decide the next best thing is to keep walking.

 _How the fuck can she still love him! She can't love me and Lee at the same time, if she really did love me, she wouldn't want anything to do with him…_

Frieda stays sitting and watches me pacing. I have no idea how long we stay out there, but I don't stop until the nausea goes away.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

Dinner with Desi starts out quiet enough, I don't mind, it's better than having to carry on a conversation with him. At least he's stopped taunting me about Alex, he hasn't made any threats against her for the last few days, but that doesn't mean he's happy about how much time we still spend together.

I'm halfway through my food when I hear his voice, "Alex's father is back in prison."

"What?" For a moment I'm not sure I heard him correctly.

"Lee, he's back in prison."

I put down my cutlery, "Why are you telling me?"

He stares at me so intensely before he responds, "So Alex obviously didn't tell you?"

"No," I need to keep reminding myself that he's trying to play games, he just wants to make me doubt Alex.

"That's not a surprise, she never was very good at talking to people."

I figure I might as well take advantage of his desire to talk, "Why's he in prison?"

"Does it matter?"

It's obvious he won't tell me any more details, I can't help but push him, "Are you happy that Alex didn't tell me? I assume you know what Lee did to her when she was a kid, do you even care? Or are you gonna tell me that she deserved it?"

I don't even know how to describe the look he gives me next, it's a mix of rage, shame, and maybe pity, I'm not sure. He pushes back his chair abruptly and leaves the table. Perhaps I hit a nerve, or maybe he's not ready to face the fact that when it comes to abuse, he's no better than Lee.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

I get to school early the next day and wait at Alex's locker, I want a chance to talk to her before classes start. I'm starting to get impatient when I feel an arm slip around my waist from behind, and I immediately know it's her, "Hey Pipes."

I'm relieved to see she's smiling, even if she looks tired. I kiss her quickly and convince her to take a quick walk, we've still got 15 minutes before the bell goes for first period. Part of my brain is saying I should leave her alone, let her tell me about Lee when she's ready. But the other part, the over bearing part, won't let me stop thinking about it. I can't help myself, I want to talk to her about it.

We sit behind the sports shed and I grab her hand, "Desi told me about your dad, are you okay?"

She looks confused more than anything else, "What? Why did he tell you?"

All I can do is shrug my shoulders, "I don't know, it doesn't matter. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

She stays quiet for a few moments and I start getting nervous, maybe I should've kept my mouth shut. I'm so relieved when she starts talking, "Diane's gonna visit him."

I'm completely thrown off track, did I hear that right?

"What are you talking about?"

She gives me a tired sideways look and we both sit down on the grass, leaning our backs against the shed, "He called Diane, I don't know how he found her. Anyway, she's already agreed to visit him after she gets out of rehab."

I'm still struggling to process this, it makes me angry at Diane, it feels like she's letting Alex down all over again. I feel like it's my job to make Alex feel better, but I can't do that in this moment without lying to her, or treating her like a fool. I decide to keep it simple, and pull her in close to me, "Did Irene say anything about it?"

She leans her head against my shoulder, "She's pissed, which is kinda nice. She's the only one that's always got my back."

"Hey, don't forget about me, Frieda and Nicky, we've all got your back Al."

At least she manages a small smile, "I know."

It's not much longer before she changes the subject, "What about your mum, how's she going?"

All I can manage at first is a groan, "She's living with my dad again, they're probably both pretending like nothing ever happened. Next step is for me to have lunch with them together at the house, just thinking about it makes me uncomfortable. At least she's got her drinking under control, for now at least. But I don't see how that will last if my dad keeps cheating on her."

I hear the smallest laugh slip past her lips, "We're quite the pair."

 **0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

I'm really surprised when Desi lets Piper sleep over again on Friday, and it's even better when Nicky and Frieda come back to Irene's house with us after school. They're only hanging around for an hour or two, but it honestly feels great for our little group to be all together again outside of school. I want more of this, I need more of this.

We're all sitting in the back yard on the grass, Irene is still at work, she probably won't be home for a few more hours. I'm getting more used to living here with Irene while Piper lives with Desi, but it still makes me uncomfortable, knowing that she's there alone with him. But with everything that's going on with my mum and Lee right now, Desi is the last thing on my mind. I'm eventually pulled out of my thoughts when Nicky pulls out a joint, she doesn't hesitate in lighting it up and taking a long, deep drag. She leans back and holds it in for as long as she can before slowly blowing the smoke up into the air above us. She passes me the joint and I immediately put it to my lips, I will do anything to help my mind slow down and relax, but I notice an annoyed look on Piper's face from the corner of my eye.

"C'mon guys, do you really think smoking pot in Irene's backyard is a great idea?"

Nicky smiles, "I think it's a fucking great idea."

I see the concern on Piper's face, she keeps her eyes plastered on me as I exhale and pass the joint to Frieda, "It's just one joint Pipes, I promise. Irene won't know, we won't smoke anymore. I just wanna relax tonight."

But she keeps staring, and I start to feel like my promises probably don't mean much after the last few months, "Just be careful."

Irene calls the house an hour later to tell us she's running late and won't be home until 8 o'clock, which I'm perfectly happy about, because I asked Nicky to bring a bottle of scotch with her just in case we got the opportunity to let loose. I try to reassure Piper as we reposition ourselves on the grass, passing the bottle around our little circle. She seems comfortable enough, but I'm still not sure whether or not I'm being an asshole, especially given the fact that her mother is an alcoholic. But I don't stop any of it, because the reality is I don't want to, and I can feel the excitement building in the pit of my stomach. Not because we're doing anything crazy, but because I see this as my opportunity to relax. It's become a foreign feeling lately, relaxation, it's something I want to feel again, especially with my friends.

I'm surprised when Piper takes a drink from the bottle as it gets passed around, and it's not long before we're all smiling and laughing. Just seeing Piper laugh, that's enough to make me feel happy tonight.

It's not much longer before Nicky starts getting louder and asking inappropriate questions, "Okay Chapman, it's your turn this time! Have you and Vause fucked yet?"

I'm relieved when Piper starts laughing and I immediately hit Nicky in the arm, "That's none of your fucking business Nicholls! You're just bitter because all the girls at school know you're an asshole and won't go near you!"

That's enough for Nicky to push me back onto the grass, but we're all laughing by this point, and I'm definitely feeling relaxed.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

It's another hour before Nicky and Frieda leave, and I lead Alex to her bedroom where we lie down together in her bed. We're both feeling tipsy but Irene isn't home, we've still got plenty of time to be alone together.

We lie in bed facing each other and I reach out to brush the hair from her face, "I think we both really needed this."

"Yeah, I think we did."

I lean over and kiss her, placing my hand on her cheek, doing everything I can to pull us closer together, it never feels close enough. Especially not now after a few drinks, and knowing we'll be alone together for at least another two hours. I keep deepening the kiss until I find myself on top of her, straddling her lap. All of the worries I had before about getting caught doing something wrong were gone, now all I can think about was sex, Alex always does this to me, and I'm more than willing to give myself up to her. We've still only had sex once, but there's no hesitation this time. I look her in the eye and she nods, silently giving me permission to touch her. That one exchange means everything in a moment like this, and no matter what state I might be in, I will never force myself on her.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

Irene ends up finishing work closer to 10 pm, and we're asleep by the time she gets home. I've got an arm curled around Alex's body, and open my eyes as soon as I hear the front door open and close. We spent most of the night in her bedroom, only leaving to make grilled cheese for dinner. It turned into a cool night and we're both wearing long sleeved pyjamas, although I am starting to feel a little warm. But not warm enough to move and wake up Alex, I don't know when she last had a good sleep, so I'm not willing to disturb her now. I lift my head up slightly as I see the bedroom door nudge open and Irene pops her head in. She gives me a tired smile and shuts the door again, it actually feels good to know she's home, it's like all of our family members are home now, and I can finally go to sleep properly.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

Friday night with Piper was literally perfect, and straight away I know it will be the main thing that gets me through the next week at school. She had to be back at Desi's by noon, but I keep closing my eyes and thinking about what it felt like, having her that close to me all night, having sex with her again, it's all I need right now to feel happy.

Irene is exhausted and we spend a lazy day on the couch, reading and watching movies. We're just about to start making dinner when the phone rings, Irene answers and looks over at me with a strained smile, "It's your mum, she wants to talk to you."

I'm completely frozen, I'm not even sure why. I've spent all day being so happy, and now I'm being reminded of all the things that have made me feel so shitty recently.

I stand there in silence until I hear Irene's voice again, "Sweetie, do you want to talk to her?"

I can't do it, not now, not after feeling so fucking good. I look at Irene and shake my head.

She gives me a sympathetic look, "I'm sorry Diane, now's not a good time."

I walk into my room and lie down, I don't want to hear the rest of that conversation. But of course it's not long before Irene walks in and sits next to me, "What should we do tonight?"

I'm so annoyed at myself, I was fucking happy five minutes ago. All it took was one call from Diane, and now I feel like shit again.

"Alex, she understands that things are complicated right now. She knows that you'll talk to her when you're ready."

"I just….. I'm angry at her."

"I know."

There it is again, Irene's arm around my shoulders, pulling me in close. It's become such a familiar feeling lately, and I'm scared to admit how good it feels because I know I can't stay with her forever.

"What if we go out for dinner instead?"

But I shake my head, "I don't think I have the energy for that. Can we stay home?"

Home, there's that word again. I really have started to think of this as my home, I wish I could stay here instead of going to another foster home.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

It's early Sunday morning and I'm still asleep when I hear my phone ringing. I reach out across my bed, eventually finding it underneath the covers, "Hello."

"How's Alex?"

I immediately recognise Diane's voice, and sit up in bed, "Diane, hi, I wasn't expecting to hear from you."

"Sorry, I probably shouldn't be calling you. I just wanted to know how Alex is going, and I figured out of everyone, I'd get the most honest answer from you."

The words roll out of my mouth before I can even think, "She's good."

I know I'm not being remotely convincing, but this call has really caught me off guard, I don't know what to say.

"She won't talk to me, it's got me worried."

"I promise she's doing okay."

There's more silence, but she eventually speaks up again, "It's because of Lee, isn't it?"

I don't say anything, I feel like I shouldn't be having this conversation with her.

"Irene's mad at me too."

I can hear the sadness in her voice, and I know she's probably having a rough time at rehab, but there's one question I need to ask her, "Why would you want to see him?"

At first all I hear is a sigh, "I don't know….."

"Diane, that's not good enough."

There's a few more moments of silence before the call ends, she must've hung up. She needed to hear it, even though I know she's probably hurting so much right now, she needs to know that everything she does impacts Alex too.


End file.
